Mom not supportive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mom not supportive
4
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 1:54pm
I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and it has been really hard to get over. I had the feeling that he wasn't right for me, and then there were some abusive tendencies. But through this entire process my mom has been distraught that we broke up, has even called people crying and had him over to visit. It's hard enough that I have extreme guilt for hurting him, but now I have the guilt from my mother. I know that she misses him, but I do too, and I am having a lot of difficulty with the whole situation. She doesn't know the sides of him that I do, but she won't even be open minded about it, she thinks that he was the "one" I would marry. I don't know what I should or can do. I've told her how this affects me and she still brings him up. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 3:33pm

Welcome to the board maggie2743,


You are going to have to tell her "The fact that you invite him over, well I feel betrayed as your daughter. When you want to hear the truth about him and the abusive tendencies, we will talk, until them the subject of him and our relationship is off-limits."

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 3:45pm
What were his abusive tendencies?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 4:52pm

Thank you for responding. He was controlling and manipulative when we started dating and then it turned into more angry behavior. He knows that this is the reason for the break up, but doesn't think it was a big deal because all of his friends treat their partners poorly. My mom is also aware of the situation, but because he is very charming and wonderful 85% of the time, she thinks that therapy could've fixed things. I truly feel that you are either the kind of person who behaves that way or are not and I spent two years with him trying to figure that out. We are not in contact at all which has been hard to do. I want to explain myself more because I don't think he really understands everything I feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 4:56pm
Thank you for responding, that is very good advice. I hope that she will be open to it. :)