A month today & still so sad
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A month today & still so sad
| Tue, 08-01-2006 - 11:36am |
Hi, everyone. I've been reading these posts almost everyday since my bf of almost 4 years & I broke up exactly a month ago today. Although I've never posted my own story, there were so many other experiences here that were similar to mine, so I've found solace in all the advice - it has really helped me get through some of my funks. But today makes a month and I still think about him all the time - when I wake up, when I'm at work, when I'm with my family and friends. This is all so new to me - I have never had a problem moving on after a breakup, and there have been a few, but for some reason now I just can't shake this feeling. Maybe this is the first real relationship I've had? Maybe this is the first time I've ever truly loved someone? I thought I was so much stronger than this! We've been together for quite some time now - his family loved me, my family loved him. We've traveled so many places together and had such a great time. But we both have horrible tempers, and our arguments become screaming matches many times. We've broken up a few times over the past 4 yrs, but always just for a couple of days before one of us called the other and things were back to normal. I know it was unhealthy to do that, but we did let it become a cycle - fight, breakup, get back together and pretend that everything was ok. I realize now that we never addressed our issues and our inability to control our anger, which was a huge part of the reason things ended the way they did. So the last fight was just one too many. We argued (always over something stupid), started yelling at each other, and I pushed him hard against the wall and he just left. I regretted it immediately after it happened, and I knew he was fuming, but so was I. He called me the day after and told me he was so mad the previous night that he actually wanted to hit me and he was shaking the whole way home. He said that he didn't like that it got to that point, and he thought that we shouldn't be together - he said we tried, but we still fight all the time and he's tired of it. He asked me what I thought, and I (still angry at the time and as usual not really having the clarity of mind to try to talk things through) said that I agreed and we should breakup. So we did. Since then, he's sent me text msgs here and there and I'll respond, but it's never anything about us, just telling me about things that are going on with his family (there was always a problem with him when it came to his family). I've tried really hard not to call him and try to talk to him about everything because it doesn't seem like he wants to, and I've done really well so far - I've been keeping myself busy, but it still hurts like hell. I miss him sooo much - talking to him, touching him, being with his family. Was it stupid for us to just give up without really trying to work our problems out? Should I try to talk to him? Or were we right to think that our problems are not resolvable because it's who we are and we can't change that?

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You will get through this. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will.
You guys are both who you are, but people can change. But do you honestly think that you both can change? You need to think about this. I know 4 years is a long time, but sometimes, people aren't meant to be together.
I too was in a 4+ year relationship that ended 14 weeks ago. It was for very different reasons from yours, but it hurt all the same.
I can tell you with all honestly that it will get better. Before you know it you'll be thinking about how happy you are on your own. Yeah, you'll miss him, but the pain gradually fades away.
And maybe, just maybe one day you and your ex will be friends. My ex and I are trying the friends thing right now, but its kinda difficult for us as we both still have feelings for eachother, but we're not ready to be in a relationship again right now.
Keep yourself busy, rely on friends and family.
~Amber~
To know that you're meant to be with someone you feel it. Like I feel it with my ex, there's just always been something about him and something about our relationship that we can feel that it's right. And also, if you're meant to be with someone nothing can stop you from being with them, not even breaking up, if you're meant to be with him you'll end up back together.
I don't know if you can change your tempers. Tempers are a part of your personality. I think you can try and calm your tempers down, but not fully change them. And honestly you shouldn't have to change for a relationship to work. You should both accept eachother for who you are.
People can change but only if they truly want to change themselves and their lives and make the relationship work.
I too have a temper (I'm italian), but I've always managed to keep it under control.
Just take this time to yourself, follow your heart, and heal. And if it happens that you guys get back into contact great, if not, you'll find someone better.
~Amber~
Hi again,
I dont believe your current (or most recent) relationship is over. If you two both still WANT to work things out, then why not? But you have to try a different approach. Maybe take a break first for a month. Or if you do get back together right away, spend less time together. Count to ten before you say something you think you might regret....anything!!! You will find something that works if you truly want to be with this man. Same goes for him. If you both put your best effort forward and it still doesnt work, then maybe you have to accept the fact that you arent meant for each other. But if you guys wanna try it again, do it. This is your happiness, do what you feel is right in the end.
Reminds me of the horrible situation I'm going through.
Read my posts 'Desperately In Need of Help", "Endless Fights are Tearing us Apart" and "Didn't really Want to Break up"
I really want to talk to you, I need to talk to someone who can understand.
Could you read my posts and write to me?
Surreal
Edited 8/2/2006 3:15 pm ET by haley_marie
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