Moping around and getting nothing done

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Moping around and getting nothing done
4
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 5:41pm

It's been a week today since my bf of 3+ years split. (mutual decision) I am somewhat immobilized. I have no energy, cannot get much done. Mundane tasks take forever. I am forcing myself to consume 1200 calories or so a day. As the weekend commences I am more blue than before. The tears are not flowing but I just feel like &^*$.

Any tips to get out of this post break up funk? Sigh...I know, I am depressed.

My weekend plans include many activities with my girlfriends and my kids. I will be busy but am SO not in the mood to do anything but curl up in bed and hide.

One thing is he has moved on rather quickly, already seeing someone..man, how do they do that?? Grr...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 6:58pm

Don't you just hate it when they do that?! I think it's because they can't stand being alone and also that they refuse to stop and take the time to examine their feelings. But men examining their feelings? That'd be the day, right? **I'm just saying, not trying to bash men here!**

What I try, or rather, am trying to do is to keep moving and keep busy. Don't think about him throughout most of the day and then, set aside a certain time (for me, it's at night) to think about him. Grieve and cry for a while, but then, say to myself, "OK, let's move on..." It's easy for me to say, but it's gonna be hard to do.

I also try to remember that I'll be ok on my own. Before we broke up, I thought about my plans for the future without him in the picture. I have some goals planned out and I'm gonna stick to them.

I hope I helped you out at least a little bit. Sorry I can't be of better help. I'm new to this myself. I'm sure someone else will have better advice for you.

Take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 8:42pm

It's so hard those first few days and weeks after a breakup. I know that personally, I had to drag myself to work and I spent my entire lunch break crying most days. But, after some time had gone by and I had time to process what had happened, I got better and better.

I think staying busy is a good idea, but be sure to allow yourself time out to think about what happened and grieve. This might sound weird, but I felt a lot better about my breakup after I had thought about it and realized the role I really played in it.

My ex also moved on really fast after our breakup (he left me for the other woman, got engaged to her only 3 months later). I think men are just different than women. I don't think it means that they don't care or think about you, but scientifically, their brains are just wired a different way... and that is fact. Men have 80% less white matter in the brain than women, and the white matter is what connects the different sections of the brain. So men really can compartmentalize emotions and thoughts a lot more easily than women. (I learned that on the Today show yesterday). :)

Anyway, take some time to grieve but don't allow your grief to consume you, because that isn't good. Talk to your friends, or talk to a therapist or counselor, it can really help.

You'll get through this, just stay positive! Post to this board whenever you're feeling down, we're here for you!

-Nikki

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:36pm

I am sorry to hear about your loss...

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself, though. You're only one week post breakup? You SHOULD be moping and sad and feeling like curling up in bed and crying....I'd be more concerned if you were fine and happy! Take the time and let yourself grieve, take advantage of it, in fact! After a period of time, (which is different for everyone), you will wake up one day and realize that you're absolutely sick of laying in bed crying...you'll get this new view of life and strength will fulfill you. You'll know when this day comes and it'll feel absolutely wonderful! And don't worry if after a few days of this you fall back in for a day or two...just think to yourself how you came out of it once and you CAN come out of it again. I've read a lot of books that compare breaking up to death...and as terrible as it sounds I think it's true.

About him moving on so quickly...I'm not sure I've ever met a man who didn't move on like that. I read a book called "Mars and Venus Starting Over" based on the Men are from Mars Women are from Venus series. It explains the way men and women view breaking up differently and react in different manners in order to cope with the pain. I think that book might explain a lot to you if you're interested in reading it.

But don't rush yourself...what you're feeling is certainly normal. Just like being sick...this is one time that people won't think terrible things about you for moping around in your PJ's for a while...soke it up while you can and let yourself heal!

I hope I've helped! Take care and keep us posted. :)

~jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 2:21pm
My ex as well moved on rather quickly. He started dating a woman with 2 children (he's 22) after we broke up because he wasn't ready for commitment. Like you, we were together for 3+ years.
Anyways, how to get past it? There's no real solid advice that can be given, unfortunately. Each of us is going to handle things differently. Just do your best to get closure with the situation. Make a list of the reasons that you're better off not being in a relationship with him. Keep busy if you feel like it, but don't push it out of your life. Deal with the pain, work through it. Don't bury it.
It'll get better, I promise. But it will take time. And until it does get better, it very well may get worse and it will hurt like he11.
But it WILL get better. Big hugs and the best of luck!
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