this is more difficult than i thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
this is more difficult than i thought
5
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 7:49am
I was determined to end it with my boyfriend the other night when he came over to visit but he was so happy to see me and was in a great mood because of a project he just finished at work that took months to wrap up that i couldn't bring myself to ruin his day. it was such a nice night and he was so happy.... this is always what happens. i want to talk about things and get closure, and then, i just can't do it. but i know i have to because he said he's not thinking about marriage and every time i talk about having kids one day he says nothing as if the conversation has nothing to do with him at all. how can i let this go on? this is so ridiculous. i can't stay with him just because we get along so well and because he makes me feel good when he's near me. i need to do this for my future... how can i get some courage already and stop wasting time????
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:53pm

It sounds like you need to get VERY clear on what is important to you, then make a decision, and stick to it. Easier said than done, I know ;-), but necessary. Good luck!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 3:23pm
Sit down and have an honest talk with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 3:41pm

If you have made up your mind, than the sooner the better. Maybe send him a card or leave him a note, "We need to talk", set the place and the time and stick to it. That way he can be prepared for a serious discussion and you can go through with it. I'm sure he thinks if he keeps avoiding the subject, you'll forget about your feelings? It might be the kick in the butt he needs, or the first steps to opening the door for something wonderful for your life. Don't settle ok?

best wishes
Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 2:30am
I know how hard it is to pick a time to have that kind of conversation - it is so hard to know you're going to have to say things which will cause someone pain. And of course, when you talk, no matter how ready you think you are, it's going to open up a flood of emotions for you too. But I do think the sooner the better - I waited too long and ended up just breaking down crying after spending the whole day together. That was how I started the conversation where I broke up with him, and it was more difficult for both of us. Try to initiate discussion soon, since it is the only way to start the healing process.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 8:53am

Sounds like you're pretty clear on what you want. There is never going to be a good time to break up with someone. Life is full of turns and ups and downs and you will always feel like it's not the right time to hurt someone - which is what usually happens in break ups. It's just a case of following through with your decision. Just remind yourself that life is always something - a new promotion, a sad time... My first boyfriend had his motorcycle stolen the day I decided to end it, but with us there was always some tragedy or some big event happening. It was hard, because he had this terrible thing happen and then he was telling me how being with me was his consolation in life when things like that happened - but I just took a deep breath and told him that I thought it was time to break up. There is NEVER going to seem like there is a good time to end a relationship - that's probably why guys (and girls sometimes) don't call back when they want out of a dating situation or friends just disappear - no one wants to end a relationship, because it's sad. The right thing to do is to just tell him the truth. It's almost better that something good is going on when it happens so that he has this great thing to land on when the sadness of the break up hits him.

Good luck with everything.