the more i find the more shocked i am...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
the more i find the more shocked i am...
18
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 12:44am

Recently I found out that my now exboyfriend had been lying to me. During the 7 months that we were together he had also been in another serious relationship with another girl here in town, they have been together for a year and a half. Not only that he also was in another serious relationship with a girl outside of state and the "bussines" trips he used to take were actually to see her (girl #3. Well about 3 weeks ago I emailed girl #1 and told her who I was, at that time I didnt know they were dating, but I just wanted to know her relation to my xbf. Well he broke in to my email account and blocked me from receiving emails from here but I created another account and emailed and so we got in touch and well we discovered what he was doing. Well on the 27 of december i get a call from girl #3 and she asked me if i knew my ex and I said yes, so then she said "oh hi this is ----- and i am ---- girlfriend" You can bet i was completely shocked!!! so all three of us got in touch with each other and talked over what was going on. It seems that he was in commited relationship with all 3 of us, he had met all of our parents and marriage was in the works (as in he gave promise rings). Not only that, he was also trying to get us all pregnant, and in a weird way he will talk to each of us about the other 2 girls, like for example girl #3 was his bestfriend growing up (at least thats what he told me and we will talk about her all the time)and girl number #3 knew about me as the girlfriend of one of his friends so they will talk about me and so on. And sometimes he will be with all 3 of us sexually in a matter of days. And like the bed that me and my ex used to sleep in belongs to girl #1 and she will also sleep over at his place. Pretty disgusting.

Well anyways today i was looking for a file in my laptop and well i found some very interesting pictures. Last summer I had let my ex borrow my laptop because he was looking for work. Well I found some x rated pictures of girl #3 masturbating her self and she send my ex the pictures and then my ex did the same thing for her. So basically I have pictures on MY COMPUTER of both of then masturbating for each other. Needless to say now I really, really know what the other girl looks like LOL! (I am sorry all I can do is laugh at this point)

I dont know if I will be able to get those images out of my mind any time soon. The extend of his lies and deceit is beyong believable. I am really glad that I am out of this mess, but the scars will be there for a very long time. I mean come on I used to drop him off at the freaking airport when he was going to his "bussiness trips" and I used to pack and get things ready for him so that he could go see the other girl.

I have lost fate and I am so scared.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 8:57am

I will tell you one thing. Never ever again will I date a man that says he has womam friends. This is exactly how my creep described his many women. It is almost impossible for a man to be just friends with a woman. We have all seen what happens and it will continue to happen. I guess I glad for me and for you that we got out when we did. Just think how hurt we would be if we had stayed for years. Let some other woman deal with that crap because I am not wasting one more second on a loser. I hope those images disappear soon from you mind.

Vicki

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 1:11pm

Erica

Thank you so much for all of your support. I did read that article about the Sociopath characteristic and like you it fit my ex to the T :). It was really scary just reading about it, I mean he is dangerous!

I also looked up Psychology today and I found someone near work so it will be perfect. I will be making my appointment today.

The thing i am scared about is that he lives a few blocks from my mom so i know that eventually i will run in to him. I dont know what my reaction will be if i saw him.

I dont want to be sad anymore.

E

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 4:38pm

Therapy will be great for you. I think it is awesome that you decided to do it.

I know what you mean about being worried about seeing him. I didn't want to know where my ex went when he left- but his address was on the court papers he filed and I found out that he lives 1/2 a mile down the street! So every time I go to Starbucks, the dry cleaners, etc. I have a huge pit in my stomach because I am afraid of running into him. I know that I have to get over that, but it's really hard.

The worst part for me is the fact that 3 months after he's moved out, I still have to deal with him because of this court case. I was at work this morning and got an e-mail from his mom, who is the one who has to show up as his employer. She informed me that he is already having his wages garnished from another court order (probably our ex-landlords who he owed $4,000 to) and that it won't be over for 38 weeks, so she can't take any money out until then. Then she said, "I will be glad to start taking the money out for you after that point." She also mentioned that she cannot take the time off of work so she won't show up for the case. After I read all of that, I thought my head was going to explode. It is unbelievable how screwed up this woman is! Does she really think I'm going to be like, "Ok- talk to you in 10 months then." The thing is- she could take any amount she wanted out of his check- without a court order- if she really cared about me getting my money. But, she clearly doesn't. I called the courthouse, and they told me that she doesn't have the right to decide whether it should or shouldn't be taken out- that's for a judge to decide. So, fine, don't come- because then the judge could decide she is responsible for the money! ARGH!!! I am so mad at myself for getting all worked up and pissed off all over again!!!

You have to let yourself be sad. You lost the person you thought that you knew.

Erica

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 5:46pm

Well I will be taking my ex to court too! I cant let him get away with this. The funny thing is that when we were dating he always told me not to let people take advantage of me. Little did he know that he was teaching how to fight him.

No wonder your ex is all screwed up I mean look his mom! Wow!Like me you should be extremely glad that you are not with him. I guess now all we have to do is be positive and try be more careful in the future.

You know about beeing sad you are right. Last night i cried and cried and this morning i woke up feeling better. I guess i just have to let all the emotions out. After all i was madly and completely in love with him. And he was not at all what i thought he was. I am completely dissapointed!

E

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 3:41pm

Hey E-

Just wanted to see how you were doing....

Erica

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 3:58pm

Hi Erica,

I am actually ok......well sort of. I dont know is like the shock has worn off, but now i am coming to the conclusion that i need a lot of work....as in emotial :) i am still confused, and hurt and desapointed and angry. but at the same time i know that i will be fine, is hard to explain. I guess part of the problems is that i am still tryign to figure out why he did it and i really need to realize that i will never have that answer....i just wish i could talk to him and that for once he will be truthful no matter how muc i will hurt, but i know that it will never happen. is just wishful thinking.

the hardest part is the nights, my guard is down and i dream about him, about all the things we did togeter all the moments but then at the same time in my dreams i know of all the things he has done. needless to say i have a hard time sleeping.

And one of my biggest wishes is that he is alone in his bed too feeling miserable and lonely thats what keeps me going.

How are you?

E

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 12:14am

Hey E-

I know what you mean. You wish you could just hook them up to a lie detector and get out a list of questions. It's hard when you question EVERYTHING. I've gone through all of those emotions- anger, hurt, sadness- and I seem to go through cycles. The holidays were sad- because he came home with me for Christmas last year, stayed at my house, and met my family. Now, I'm just plain pissed off. I'm 28 years old and I'm getting e-mails from my ex-boyfriend's mommy like I'm in freakin' junior high. The time and energy that it's taken to go through with this court case just infuriates me.

I've been thinking a lot about that article. It really upset me because I had sort of felt sorry for my ex for being so screwed up- but when there were so many traits in that profile that I identified with, I started to feel like he probably doesn't even care that we broke up. I know it's not that black and white, and that he had some kind of feelings for me, but I hate the fact that I question that. He got everything he could out of me, and now he just moves onto someone else. He's just looking for his next victim- and there's nothing I can do to stop him. I know he's on online sites trying to meet girls, and he's the kind of guy that looks really good on paper, so it won't take long for him to find someone new (although I don't think he has yet and it's been 7 months).

Well, just know that you are going to have ok days and bad days for a while. Did you schedule your first therapy session yet?

Erica

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 12:55pm

Hi Erika,

I have my first appointment next tuesday i a little bit nervous....i dont know what to expect. I really hope that it will help........

As for my ex, i dont know i will expect that after not talking to him after a month i will feel less pain, but it seems that he is still in my mind 24/7. I dont want to miss him no more...

anyways if you want to email me sometime here is my email ecarrancio@gmail.com we can share horror stories :)

E

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