More verbal abuse from the ex
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| Sun, 02-24-2008 - 7:42pm |
Hi everyone,
Quick update: I broke it off on February 12th, very calmly and rationally. He owes me $1K. I initiated no contact.
Today he called me to rant and rave at me. Apparently he contacted one of my old girlfriends behind my back, and they proceeded to talk badly about me. She dished some old dirt on me, and that's what he was calling to initially rant at me about. He then proceeded to call me every name under the sun, telling me I'm a "cold, cruel, deceitful B---" who is going to be alone forever because no man will want me. Also, that I have severe mental issues, worse than his ex-wife, who was in a mental institution...that I never showed him love, only with trinkets, etc etc etc. It was essentially a tirade of verbal abuse, the worse I've ever encountered. He also stated (or yelled, I should say) that is not saying me back my money "to be spiteful."
He kept hanging up and calling back; I pinpointed his reasoning (and I use that word loosely) behind calling me "cold" is because of no contact after we broke up. Um, isn't the point that we BROKE UP?!?! Apparently he thinks I should have still called him, or something, and because I didn't, I'm now a cold-hearted witch. Also, even though I did the breaking up (he was saying he didn't think our relationship was at a crossroads to where we needed to break up--I said, "I do"), now in his head, he did the breaking up. Interesting twisting of reality there.
So I'm just emotionally exhausted right now, and a bit frightening. I feel wrung out. He called again but I let it go to voicemail; thankfully, he didn't leave one. So, no money for me...what a low-class man! This is a man who is raising two children, too. I cannot believe he had the audacity to spew such venom about me...how immature and irrational. The whole time I just kept asking him to please calm down, please calm down and not insult me...of course it didn't work.
OK, I'm just venting, no advice really needed here...it just hurt, I guess, that he could say such hurtful things, especially about how no man will ever want me because I'm so terribly messed up mentally.

I'm sorry you had to endure this.
Before I read your post I thought, 'ok, she's paying him to abuse him' - meaning he owes you money so you take his calls in hopes of getting paid and instead he abuses you.
After reading it I wanted to tell you that I am surprised to listened to all of it and took as many of the calls as you did.
Write off the money.
Thanks Sheri & CL. I *was* taking his calls to see if he would take the money, and I guess you're right -- I was almost asking for the abuse. I could have hung up. I honestly don't know why I stayed on the phone--some part of me thought I could try to convince him that I'm NOT the horrible person he thinks I am. Yeah right. I might as well have been talking to a doorknob.
From here on out...all calls to voicemail. I'm going to try very hard not to let his terrible words affect me personally, but it's a struggle. So WHAT if I'm 50 years old and alone? At least I'll be happy because I'll be true to myself!
IMO I don't believe ONE of your old friends said anything...it was just a POOR excuse to call.
He is trying to do anything in his power to still hurt you, belittle you and honestly I would either HANG UP OR NOT ANSWER.
An answering machine is a life-saver.
Let him rant and rave to it...save the tape.
I had an ex he would do this to ME...by phone, e-mails, on instant messaging, and even in person.
No one really knew how bad it was...finally contacted the police.
Stopped.
Because of you "he" has changed me...with subsequent relationships I am definitely more cautious and have built up walls...have established boundaries and see RED FLAGS much earlier on.
You WILL find someone else...that is what SCARES them...
HUGS!!!
Hey,
He forwarded me an email from her in which she responded to his trash-talking with some trash-talking of her own. Nice, huh? And these are supposedly adults.
I think it's interesting that you said what scares him is that I will find someone else. He told me, "I honestly am beginning to question if I ever loved you at all," and then a little later in the conversation said, "I loved you liked I did no one ever else." It's like, confused much?
What really galled me was after his insane rants, in which he would yell out horrendous insults about my character, his tone would dramatically change to a much happier one and he would say, "That felt great, I feel so much better...!!!" he would then make some sort of "YEA" type noise. It was kind of...creepy.
Hi again,
This book In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K. Simon really covers the type of behavior you describe here: He told me, "I honestly am beginning to question if I ever loved you at all," and then a little later in the conversation said, "I loved you liked I did no one ever else."
I still would be very leery trusting him...he could have told her things to that were untrue and maybe he even doctored the e-mails.
OMG that is "creepy" and it makes you feel a little crazy to because he keeps doing this back and forth...make up my mind please...
I do think he is really insecure because you have had enough and not buying into his "crap".
If he loved you he wouldn't be doing this.
Making you feel small and bad to make HIMSELF feel big and good...it's just so d*mn wrong to do this to a woman you love...
Hopefully he will STOP.
Hugs!!!
Your ex is an effing lunatic and you're better off without him.
Hallelujah!
wow, such varying shades of crazy. this
Hi timeofbutterflies,
My ex was verbally abusive as well. But I didnt realize thats what it was until I started posting his behavior on this board. When we would get into arguements he would belittle me and say very hurtful things about my character, family, friends... whatever.. just to upset me. He would tell me that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't see a future for us. Then naturally I would start to cry and ask him why he'd say such things. Then a huge smile would come on his face and say that he just wanted to make me cry because it made HIM feel better. Then hours later he would apologize for the things he said and felt bad about it. This happened sooo many times over the course of our 3.5 yr relationship. And everytime he would tell me he didnt love me or belittle me, I would believe everything he said instead of telling myself "he's just doing this to make himself feel better". I though that maybe he had anger problems or possibly bi-polar, but now I realize that he was just verbally abusive and that was his own way of controlling me. When I turned the tables on him and told him what I really thought of his behavior, his unnatural relationship with his mother and other things that had been on my mind, he left. I guess he realized that he could no longer control me and felt no need to be with me anymore.
I would definitely be grateful that you are out of this abusive relationship because these type of men dont change, they only get worse.