More Than Words

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
More Than Words
17
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 3:57pm

yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. we were only together for 9 months, but the first day i met him i loved him. he told me after a few dates that we would be together always. i could see it in his eyes. he loved me so much that it hurt. we have been living in the same town and spending all our time together. i see his family constantly and they have become a second family to me. he is my best friend in the whole world.
now its all gone. my "family" is gone, my true love is gone. he says that he still loves me and that i am his best friend and that that cant go away. that he just isnt in love with me anymore and that he doesnt know what happened, it just wont work now. i know he hasnt met anyone else. frankly, he would never have had time. i know that he can still love me. i would give anything to fix this or make this better.
what am i supposed to do?
be best friends?
give up and walk away?
be friends but not spend much time together?
move?

how can i get him to love me again? what have i done? how did it happen? my heart is broken and empty and i dont know what to do.
someone please help me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: broken13
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:59am

Hi Broken -

You are not pathetic. All of us have fantasized about winning our ex-bf's back. I still do and it's been a month. I've seen that book and realize it's a scam, but I've wondered if it's at all possible to "win him back." But what I've realized that it boils down to playing head-games w/ him. And I just don't want to stoop down to that level. Really - I don't want to stoop down to his level.

My ex asked to get back together about a week ago. He said he would give me some time to think about it as he had to go out of town and it would give me some space. Well, I reacted like many of us would and started to believe him - that we should get back together...Except. Except. Except. Except that somewhere in that week, he's flipped BACK! While I'm pouring my heart out to him in letters and emails, he's 2nd guessing his "2nd guess" and now acting distant, not communicating, avoiding my calls, etc...He's NOT Man enough to admit to anything, but just ducks and dodges.

I say to you to keep your chin up and look yourself in the mirror every morning and repeat to yourself that You Deserve Someone Who really loves YOU. Our mothers told us to never settle for 2nd best and we need to pay attention now. It's hard - it's a struggle every day to not pray for the phone to ring... But sometime before we met the men who broke our hearts, we were happy singletons who really loved ourselves and took care of each other.

Don't be afraid to reach out to this message board, to your friends and family. My brother (yes a man!) gave me some great advice - find replacements. If you spent Saturday afternoons w/ him going to the movies, invite another friend to the matinee shows. If you miss him sleeping next to you, a body pillow, stuffed animal or a dog works wonders too. If the grief is invading other parts of your life like work or school, talk to a professional and get counseling or other help (medications, vacations, etc) to get through your days.

Best of luck and Big Hugs to you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: broken13
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:12am
I bought a book on the lifted hearts network and its not a scam. Im not saying that it will work but what it does is teaches you to let go. To give the other person space. To love yourself and much more. http://breakups101.com/forums.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
In reply to: broken13
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:43am
I'd give anything for the Jerry McGwire thing. i am doing a bit better. i had to go out of town for business for a couple of days and that ha helped as much as anything. i have talked to him on the phone every night so far, but i have been doing so well. i tell him how great my day was and how much fun i am having and then i ask how his day and he says very little and then i say "well, i think that was all i had" and then i go. last night he sounded really sad. i desperately wanted to say "i miss you too. i want to get back together" but i didnt. i stayed strong. of course as soon as i hang up the phone i feel sick to my stomach.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
In reply to: broken13
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:44am
i really want to be friends with him. he is really a truly great person. or at least i thought so. i hope that i find out that he still is. i hope that i can have what you have
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
In reply to: broken13
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:46am

i am petrified that he will want me back and then second guess his second guess. that is my biggest fear! i am so sorry that is happening to you.

doing the same things with other people wont work for me. i dont know why. he and i always shopped together. well i shopped and he went along (he was raised with a bunch of sisters, he doesnt mind shopping at all). my parents tried to take me shopping to make me feel better, and just trying to shop without him made me absolutely sick to my stomach. i was afraid i was going to pass out in the store. i am just trying to stay busy every single second of the day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
In reply to: broken13
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:48am
thats what i hoped. i still havent decided.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: broken13
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 7:12pm

Hi there Broken,

Hope it's getting a little better. Don't know what your status is now with your bf. I'm trying to stay busy myself, to the point of exhaustion. I work out at lot (2 hr a day) and do volunteer stuff in the community and work. Went to the beach with family, and had a miserable time, b/c I went with him about 3 weeks before that. I just kept thinking about "our time" at the beach. Last night I made the first contact (I broke it off b/c he couldn't commit) and ended up crying on the phone to him, even though we didn't do a whole lot of talking. Fortuneately I didn't humiliate myself by telling him I wanted him back tho, or telling him I wanted to see him again. Just that I missed him. Funny how those emotions are...I'm kind of a small person, and I just feel like it's almost a physical weight/pain. Today I felt dizzy and had chest pains (I think from all the stress of the call) all day at work, in between sniffling. I know it was wrong to call, and I'm going to try not to do it again.

-K.

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