MORTiFIED ... input please...
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| Mon, 07-25-2005 - 9:44am |
He and I broke up three weeks ago after a very rocky year and about 8 mont relationship. He blew me off pretty badly over the course of a weekend and I got very upset, reacted, got drunk one night and left him voice mails. He lashed back by breaking up with me.
We haven't spoken since - its been three weeks.
Well Friday night I was going out with a girlfriend and we were to meet up at 8:30. I needed to get money and cigerettes so I stopped at a this place near my house. His car was there and a girl was in it. I didn't think too much of it, but I had walked in the store anyway - He saw me walking up by then and I felt like a total dope just turning around.
OH, Premise = night before I called and left a voice mail. I haven't been doing well with this breakup because I felt set up o react and felt like he wasn't telling me something and I was just so heartbroken and not doing well at all. He called back, but well after I was asleep and never left a voice mail.
Ok, back to Friday night - so I walked in and stood behind him in line. He picked up his phone to talk to someone and then the clerk asked him what he wanted and he ordered CONDEMS...
HE KNEW I WAS BEHIND HIM. So I started to stop breathing. He tried to walk out pretending I wasn't there. I called his name and tapped him on the back. He turned around, said hi and its good to see me and turned and left. I started shaking.
Not only did I have to process another girl and him [which is fine because we both should be dating others by now[ but I had to process him actually having SEX with her.
BACKGROUND: We are 28. He was a VIRGIN before he met me. He always talked about marriage.
I had a horrible weekend full of anxiety attacks and naussa and I'm just a total mess. I stayed home from work today too. He has been cruel to me but this time is just off the charts. Why could he have just bought them at another store where I wasn't standing hbehind him.
ALSO, he didn't accept a bag to put them in so when he turned around to talk to me he was HOLDING them right there.
Oh my god I am such a wreck.

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hi Again,
One thing stood out in this post that alarms me....."he will come back again and there will be a discussion and a chance to confront it." What does this mean?? Have you broken up before and gotten back again in the past?? Or is this because you know you are going to see him in the local bar?
Please don't lose your cool over this guy....you will feel a lot worse. Not to mention embarrased. It sounds to me like you are hell bent on getting back at this guy. By sending mini condoms to his house, and now a potential slap in the face.
Let it go, I know what it's like to be that angry, I really do but no good will come of it. Did the two of you have a steady up and down rel'shp with break-ups?? Please don't take him back, Man You really LOVE this jerk !! I think he knows what buttons to push with you and "maybe" he staged that whole (condom) act in the corner store knowing how you would re-act?? I think he is playing with your head now.
Don't stay/go back or even want him back thinking things will change or get better (if your even thinking of it) You have to try really hard to stop thinking that he was or is laughing at you. I know this sickening awful horrible feeling and it will just eat you up. Take one more day off work if you can and do something for yourself tomorrow. Don't let him see your car at home, don't let him have any idea how much your suffering and don't call. Take a BIG timeout, you deserve it.
I stayed with a guy for 7 years, and I held on and did every thing I could to make it work. I loved him and I let him use me to the point that I didn't even recognize myself any more. He knew more head games than a 14 year old girl. I have felt like you before. I used to have visions of thing I could say and do to him. My guy also kept telling me he loved me right up until the end and then suddenly he wanted to be single...I came to terms with this only because this time I was ready. But it took me a "lot of times" to be ready and that is worse. It's a waste of time. I kept going back again and again...I wish now I hadn't.
IMO, the best thing you can do is move as far and as fast away from this guy as you can. Try as best as you can, (I know it's hard in a smaller town) to not have contact, or see him out. It's just going to tear you up more. Remember out of sight out of mind. If you don't know what he's doing it can't hurt you.
.....and my heart and thoughts go out to you, you seem like a nice person and you don't deserve this. These boards really help me too.
How can I help? Well, I have had four serious long-term relationships in my past.
I'm only 27, and yeah, I thought I'll finally have kids and be married and my dream will be my reality.
It didn't work that way. Every single one of them ended very painfully and in each I learned many lessons. I have grown to be an even-tempered, self-sufficient, giving and caring person. Not only did I learn what I didn't want out of a guy, but I know who I am and who I want to be.
Now I have spent a lot of time alone. I have cried and cried. When I get angry, which isn't often now, I read a book or watch tv or call someone. I don't call him.
The hardest thing to do is not to call them. The hardest thing to do is to stop yourself from egging his car or calling him up and telling him off. Sure, it might help you vent your anger, but it will only make him angry for a few minutes and then hate you even more.
This is the second time I have been engaged. I was 21 the first time. We were engaged about two years. He was a big jerk. Not a pervert, not a liar, but a heartless jerk that only thought about himself.
He was immature and only proposed to me because his best friend just got engaged. I was stupid myself, but I learned from it.
I bought a gigantic container of live worms from a local fish bait shop and poured them all over his car hood. Later on, I got a Kotex and put red food coloring on it and sealed it to his license plate. I thought it would be so funny for him to drive around with what looked like a bloody maxi pad on his license plate.
I never knew if he found out I did it. But funny thing is, a year ago (and I am 27 now), this guy calls me up to tell me he was sorry for how he treated me. He apologized for being a jerk and wanted to meet me in person.
I had the satisfaction of hanging up on him. But I do feel bad, I should have forgiven him and then hung up on him. You will have to forgive sometime down the road. It will take time.
In all honesty, time will be the only thing that heals you. But you will have to get your MIND off of this guy. I know he hurt you. I know it sometimes feels you cannot live without him! I know exactly how you feel. I haven't seen him with another girl or been in your situation, but I know it hurts so bad. You have a right to be angry. You have a right to be hurt. You will have to let time heal these feelings. Share them with us. Vent and get your mind off of him.
What he did was wrong, but you should be the better person coming out of this.
Keep your head up high, don't date anyone now, and enjoy your youth. Enjoy your life! He is trying to enjoy his! He'll learn that SEX isn't life, SEX isn't what it's all about! It isn't! Love is! You'll fall in love again. You'll find someone who wouldn't dare treat you that way.
This man is immature, no matter how old he is. Let him have his fun and play his games. Let him do what he wants. He's not crying over you. Do something to make you happy. Go shopping, pick up a new hobby, go to church, dinner with friends, movies, read a good book, enjoy your life! It's your life and you cannot let this incident tear you up inside.
You deserve better than that. All the women on here who are heartbroken and lonely, it will get better. I tell myself that every single day. I am devestated, and lonely and scared. But it can only go up from here.
Time is the essense.
Thankyou for the support. It helps. YES, we have broken up and gotten back together again . Its been pretty hard because he flips out .
I dont want him back, this really was the final "nail in the coffin." But as you all say, it still hurts me so much that it makes me feel sick to my stomache. I am trying to purposely take a different route to and from work so I dont have to go directly past his house but last night I wasn't paying attention and went my normal route. The girl's car was there, I think. I think this because it is a car that is totally unfamiliar and I think I saw it there the night of the condom incident when she was with him, but in his car. I dont know anything anymore.
Luckily this weekend I have to go to a wedding in Ohio so I will be far outside my town, and my state so I dont have to worry about going out and running into him. Maybe by next weekend I will feel better and more comfortable.
But I DONT want to feel afraid to go out in my town, what if my friends want to do a happy hour tomorrow night? I would love to go with them.
I think he will come back at me again because I now believe he might enjoy the effect he has on me, like a power. Its almost like he is a sociopath .
I am happy I am not with him - I just cant stand the thought that I ever believed in our love and trusted the jerk.
P.S. he should get the smally condoms today.
At first, my best friend and I were gonna go to his car at midnight with a bucket of condoms and spread them ALL OVER his car. I just ended up ordering that oversized teddy, ON HIS CAR, but I cancelled it and after having to explain to the store clerk WHY, she for free, sent him the small condoms. I confirmed yesterday with her, she did send them, with an anonymous note saying "I know its hard finding those that fit. Good luck with your new girlfriend." What a JERK!!!!
Its comforting to know that someone else has been driven bonkers by anger as well.
You can go out and do anything you want it's YOUR town too. Don't hide from him, but don't look for him either. So go to Happy hour with your freinds and have fun. You need this right now. Being out of town this weekend will also help, it will give you some much needed space away from town.
You will be fine, I know you don't see this now, but you will. Any-one on these boards knows what your feeling.
Good work on the condoms....that is harmless and is a bit funny. I wouldn't slam too many tequila's into me at happy hour. The stuff makes you brave and out of control.
:)
Bunny
Thanks. My stomache just had that FALLING feeling again because I just thought about how he has NO care or love for me anymore. I can't believe how much in love I really was with him and how hard it is to force my hurt heart to catch up with my rational brain when it comes to him.
I do have two dates that are in the works of forming. My friend says I should do it as a distraction and just take it really really slow. I know I am not over him or ready to be in a new relationship, but its ok to date - right? She said, for her, it took her mind off of thinking about her ex and now the guy who she was distracting herself with is practically her fiancee.
I have to say it again, I hate him.
The condoms are funny, right?
Oh yeah, it's ok for you to date. I just could not get my head into it. I tried doing that one of the previous times we ended it and it didn't work for me. The guy was nice enough but I couldn't wait for him to drop me off. It's different for me, I want to be alone right now. I have a lot of freinds that I do things with and that is good for me.
The small town thing I can totally relate to. I just got a nice chatty email from a gf of mine telling me that CR (the ex) was at her place last Friday night with another guy and they had some beers and some good laughs etc etc......she didn't know about the breakup and I was sad. I had not cried once this time in the 20 days, but that did it for me. I am at work right now, and I HATE to be all weepy on the job. Small town, every-one knows everyone else and it's hard not to come in contact or hear what they are doing.
I don't want to know, I don't want to know if he is seeing some-one else or what he does. You will get that falling stomach feeling now and then, but it's going to become less and less.
The condom story is funny. and if it helps at all, I hate him for you too
thank you "bunny". Its times like this it would be easier to live in the city, right?
I have a date via match.com tonight with someone i've talked to via emails and have had one phone call with. we are going to meet for 1/2 hour tonight because he has plans later on. He sounds interesting and i was actually positively distracted for the short time on the phone. What we both agreed to, upfront, is that we are meeting as friends with no other expectations involved - phewwwwww.
I am hoping this will be an ego boost for me. It might ... we will see.
As for my ex, he should be receiving his shipment tonight or tommorrow. I actually find joy in this for me - I think i've given myself a little dignity back. Just knowing that he will get this package means to me I didn't take it lying down and that I know what a lying dog he is, now I just need my stomach to catch up .
wouldn't it be GREAT if this guy you are meeting turns out to be the "one for you"?? It will distract you for a bit at least. I couldn't think of anything but my ex when I did it.
Hee hee, don't forget to update us when he gets that box of condoms, your going to hear about it from some-one if not him. I am sure this will warrent a phone call from him.
I know your still feeling bad, but this is what I would do, think about how truly awful you felt on Sunday compared to today. People are right when they say take it one day at a time. Some-one told me to give it 24 hrs. at the end of the 24 hrs. tell yourself you can do another.....it soon adds up to days, weeks and the more time away the better you feel.
Hang in there kitten, you can do this.
No, I disagree with the phone call bit. He wouldn't dare, unless he was drunk and got the nerve to lash back about it to have a final say kind of thing. I've thought about that and decided I wont pick up the phone and if he leaves a voicemail I will delete it without listening to it. I dont care if I hear or not that he received the package, because the root of the action speaks louder than any words or directed reaction possibly could.
People on this site have been saying that he ISN'T thinking of me, that he is past all that. If that is the case, he wouldn't do anything in response at all. Then again, he did purposefully buy the condoms in my face. Ultimately, I think his reaction will be silent but considering he was a virgin before me and that he thought he was small in the beginning, this should yield a slight burn, also considering that the note says at the end "good luck to you and your new girlfriend." He'll totally know it was me that sent them and he will know that finally I know the truth, I suppose. Regardless right now I really do feel like I got the last word in.
We have totally separate friends which is good so I probably wont hear about it.
Good luck to us all. When one person is totally insensitive to another, that is selfish and harsh and especially cowardly. Being a considerate person may be vulnerable, but at the same time it is the right thing.
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