most confusing relationship of my life
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| Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:32am |
i've just had one of the most confusing months of my life. i recently became really good friends with this guy, in a very short amount of time. we both have significant others, and we were both having relationship problems. from the very beginning, my friend and i got along so well. it was so easy to be with him, to have a good time with him, to make him laugh. it was just effortless happiness. and i recognized that it was a dangerous situation, and i told him, right away, "look, i think i have feelings for you. maybe we should cool things off a little." but he was very clear on the fact that he just wanted to be friends, and i thought i could handle my feelings, so i kept the relationship going. we spent almost every night together for a few weeks, just hanging out, drinking, going ice skating or dancing, watching movies, making dinner...even just sitting around doing nothing. and it became clear really quickly that he also had feelings for me.
i was always the one trying to keep things in-bounds. if he would get touchy, i would tell him to back off. if he would say something sweet, or say something that you wouldn't say to just a friend, i would tell him to be careful. but i can't deny that i loved the way i felt around him.
things kind of came to a head one day, when starting telling me that he wanted to spend time with me more than he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend. he was concerned that his feelings for me were becoming stronger, and he wanted to know how i felt. when i finally caved in and told him i cared and that i wanted to be more than friends, everything changed. he became more distant, and started telling me we couldn't be friends, or at least not the kind of friends we had been. but even after saying that, things didn't change much.
today i learned that he and his girlfriend are patching things up. i knew this would happen, and i knew nothing would come of his feelings for me. but i feel so angry and bitter. he will admit that he's had some of the best times with me, but now he's ready to move on. and i'm stuck with the all the memories of the past month, and while he's content with his girlfriend, i'm feeling rejected and lonely.
i know it sounds crazy to have such intense feelings after a month. it was a strange relationship, and i can't tell what was real and what wasn't. i don't know if he said the things he said because he meant them, or because he was having his heart broken by another girl, and i was there to make him feel better. it's hard for me to believe that everything we shared was just a product of the circumstances in our lives. but maybe he never meant any of it.
the biggest problem for me is that i've never met anyone so incredible in my life. i would not change a single thing about him. even the things that annoyed me at first have become sweet, or funny, or endearing. i'm so afraid that every other person in my life will not be able to hold a candle to this guy. i've never felt like someone understood me so well. we had, and still have, a remarkable connection, and since i've never felt anything like it, i'm scared i never will again.
there were so many red flags from the beginning, and i should have been more careful. but he was so incredible, and i couldn't help but fall for him. i blew off my friends and my work. my relationship with my boyfriend was failing anyway, but i could have tried to make things work between us, and instead, i ignored him and neglected him. so now all i'm left with is wonderful memories, a broken heart, and a life that i hardly recognize. it's been the strangest, most incredible, most intense, and worse month of my life.
i'm so tired of people telling me i'll meet someone special one day. i've met someone special. i don't want to meet anyone else.

briarjade, it sounds like to me that what you had with the special guy was an emotional affair. it was more than friends, but not lovers (at least not yet). you may want to check out the cyber-cheating and emotional affair board.
you must remember that even though you had this special connection with the special guy is that he chose to remain with his significant other while you are not with yours anymore. he is interested in staying in that relationship now.
please try no contact for at least 30 days to flush him out of your system. it will help you figure out if you still really want the special guy or if you would be okay alone. there is someone out there that you can have a remarkable connection with someone else in the future, just not now. right now, you are not meant to be with this special guy. if you are meant to be with him, it will be. it also sounded like you were letting have his cake and eat too, even though you tried to keep boundaries.