Moving On ...
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| Fri, 08-24-2007 - 10:01am |
Hi -
So I saw him last night. I took the car over to his house, and then we drove to my house to drop me off. I asked him to come inside so we could talk and he said that he had to go back and fix up his place cause he was moving out, so he didn't have time. That's where I got angry. I said, "Do you understand this is the last time I'm going to see you?? We cannot be friends after this!" And he totally didn't realize this was coming. He didn't want to say goodbye, he thought we could still keep in touch. We went inside and I told him my point of view - that it was impossible for me to still be friends with him after he broke my heart, and because I needed to move on. Then he realized that he was being selfish and he totally understood.
We talked about a bunch of things. I told him how I am starting to forgive him, but cannot forget. We talked more about why he thinks he did it - he did feel like he was trapped and needed to feel un-trapped. Have you guys seen the movie "The Last Kiss"? I would relate Zach Braff's character's feelings to my ex's feelings. I told my ex that I was happy it didn't go further than that. And that I was happy he immediately realized his mistake. But there is no excuse for what he did.
He said he can't be with me (or anyone) because he doesn't trust himself. It surprised, and majorly dissapointed, him that he would ever do something like that. So he wants to figure out more definitively why he did it. Also he needs to see if he is even ready for a relationship considering he hurt someone he claimed to love so much.
I was all for it, because I do love him and I do want him to be a better person for himself and grow from this experience. And I will give him time. But in the meantime, I told him that I'll be moving on. I can't wait around for him. I didn't deserve what he did and even though I love him and I know that we can be together, I understand right now we can't, so I need to move on and take care of myself and remain sane.
He totally understood. It was a sad goodbye. I am not ruling out the possibility of us getting back together, but I also won't hold on too hard to a hope that may not be my future.
Oh and he said something that really stuck to me. He told me how much he missed me and how he couldn't stop thinking about me. And I said, "I hope you miss me enough to get back with me." And he said, "I miss you the most I could ever miss you." Then I realized it had nothing to do with me. That no matter how much he missed me, THAT wasn't going to be what will bring him back to me. It's after he figures himself out, that he will decide whether or not to come back to me. There's nothing I can do to make him "realize" what he's missing cause he already knows what he's missing. It's just this thing that he's going through that doesn't involve me, something I can't help him with, that he needs to go on his own.
So it seems I'm doing good.
Oh, and thank you guys for you support! I don't think I could go through any of this without you guys. Seriously.

Good for you! I am so happy for you that you got some closure on this relationship! I think you are handling it in a very healthy and mature manner. The hard part is over and you can only go up from here!
I'm glad you're able to move on... that is a sad goodbye, but that's good that you were adult about it and that both of you know what you need to do.
And, a lot of it sounded just like me... the conversation I had this morning. The thing that he loves me but needs to go on his own and figure out who he is without anyone and figure out why he would do something so awful. Actually the only thing that sounded different was that he does want to come find me and get me back when he's done growing up.
Is it ok to hope for that? I'm scared to.
I need to move on like you, in the meantime, because like you, I can't wait around... but if he's for real... God I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. Is that even ok?
I'm sorry about asking questions on your topic, it's just how much I relate, and I'm thankful for the people here too.
Good luck with moving on <3
Hey orch1d -
You can totally ask questions on any post. That's why we're all here!
:)
I'm glad that I'm able to move on as well. Or at least I know I have to. I know I will miss him to death but I feel like it has to be this way. I would rather have us be apart right now than together because I know that our relationship won't be as wonderful as we like it. He won't be 100% into it as I want. If you're not happy with yourself how can you truly be happy with someone else or even make that other person happy?
Life happens and my ex is going through what he is going through. I have to respect that, and hope he can learn something.
I think like you, my ex does want to come back to me after he figures his stuff out. But he didn't tell me that because he doesn't want me to cling on to a promise in case it ends up differently.
And for you, I think it's totally okay for you to hope he will come back - as long as you seriously take this time to do YOUR own thing, don't wait around for him, don't miss opportunities to meet new people, etc. Of course you love him, and it seems you will be there when/if your bf comes back to you, which is totally fine. But I would make sure that you take this time for yourself as well.
And if you think that he is the one for you, someone you can spend the rest of your life with, then what's another few weeks, or months that you don't see him? If you guys are meant to be together, he will come back to you a better man ready to be with you forever.
If he doesn't come back to you, then it wasn't in the stars for you two to be together, and there is someone else out there waiting for you.
That's how I see my situation - If he comes back to me after his "soul-searching" then I know I'm meant to be with him. If not, then I understand that he grew differently onto another path and we were not meant to be.
Besides, I want to be with someone who won't screw me over, who WANTS to be with me, who is SURE about me, and someone who bascailly knows what he wants out of life. Maybe my ex will be that person. Maybe not. Either way, I'm sure we will end up happy in the future. Together or not.
:)