Moving On
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| Sun, 04-16-2006 - 11:03pm |
Hi Everyone!
I don't want to bore you with all the details, so I will make this short and sweet. I am a recent college graduate and my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. His explanation was the infamous, "It's not you it's me" and "I love you but the in love part just isn't there anymore" to make matters worse, this was my first relationship and we had even discussed marriage and HE was the one who said the 'M' word first. All of a sudden he started becoming very distant and ignoring my phone calls when finally a mutual friend of ours asked him how would he feel if a guy treated one of his sisters the way that he was treating me. On that note, the above incident followed. I am just hurt, and confused and I don't understand why he just blew me off the way he did; how do I get past my anger (b/c I do not want to be a bitter person-he is not worth it) and why did he act like this.

hi tnbelle
i'm so sorry you feel this way. you know what. i just dont understand guys at all. reading most of the post here is almost similar. "GUYS GETTING COLD FEET".
I MEAN IF THEY DONT WANT TO BE WITH AS. WHY DONT THEY TELL AS ON OUR FACE STRAIGHT UP...AND BE A MAN. RIGHT? WHAT THEY DOES THEY GET COLD FEET AND OFCOURSE SOMETIMES MOST OF AS ACT..."DAMN". WE KNOW WHATS UP? AND WE PRETEND WE DIDNT SEE THAT COMING AND WHAT WE DO WE STAY IN THAT RELATIONSHIP. WELL I GUESS ITS TRUE THAT LOVE IS BLIND.
BUT ACTUALLY THATS WHY RELATIONSHIP LAST COZ OF AS LADYS. WE'RE THE ONE HOLD ON IT AND ITS UP TO AS IF WE WANT TO CONTINUE IT OR NOT. NOT THEM!
AS A FRIENDLY ADVISED JUST RESPECT HIS DESICION. IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE WILL CALL YOU. BCOZ IF YOU KEEP ON CALLING HIM. YOU MIGHT SCARED HIM A WAY AND HE WILL NEVER KNOW YOUR VALUE.
Commitment-phobes act just like that: come on strong, even for months, and then go through a short or long pushing away, until they are an exact opposite mirror of the behavior they started to begin with. It is extremely illogical. I didn't understand it at all until I read Men Who Can't Love. That really opened my eyes. I highly recommend it.
BTW, I am in the legal field in Memphis, obviously.
Edited 4/17/2006 11:34 pm ET by memphisstars
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. It is always hard to get over your first love. It is awful how men choose to act in these situations. I just had a sudden break-up with someone I had dated for a short period of time and I thought he was the one and it hurts but two years is a really long time.
Men have commitment issues, get scared and act this way. Sometimes we can analyze things and figure out from where they are coming and sometimes we will never make sense of it. It is horrible for him to say he no longer loves you even if that was true. That will be hard to get over especially since you were together for so long and he mentioned marriage to you. Men speak without thinking. It is unfortunate.
I have dealt with many men who have not handled things well with me and have left me wondering why in the world they would do this. Sometimes you get answers and sometimes you dont. The most important thing to do is not obsess over it (I know that is easier said than done because I have been doing it all week after my break-up), but take care of yourself. There are tons of ways to handle a break-up. You can buy a book, go on a message board and see that there are other people like you out there, see a therapist (I have seen one on and off in my life and it really does help), reflect on what you liked and would change about the past relationship (journaling always helps me along with pros and cons lists) and most importantly find really good friends and family members who wil be there for you. Pamper yourself and find things to do to keep yourself busy. If you obssess over it too much you will make yourself sick. It is not an easy process and they say you have to mourn the same amount of time as half your relationship which is a long time for you.
Not all men are awful, hopefully in time you will find one who will love and appreciate you for you. Best of luck and hang in there!! :)
Thanks so much for responding! your words were very encouraging to me. I am analytical to a fault and that is my downfall. You are right it is not easy and as I look back I know things worked out for the best, but the wound still hurts from time to time. Everyone keeps telling me that when men get scared, they do this (blow you off) I honestly think he was cheating on me but like you said, there is no need to dwell.