Moving On......
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| Tue, 11-01-2005 - 10:44am |
Our 4 yr relationship has been over for about 8 months then. Since then, I've dated around and met a new guy who I have been seeing exclusively for about 2 months. Unfortunately, as is the pattern w/ my ex, he breaks up with me, I beg for him back, I finally get the strength to move on, then he comes back for me and usually I go. Not this time. He's done this to me 3 times already and I have long resolved never to get back into the relationship.
Unfortunately, our relationship was very close and we were very strong friends. Once we had a few months cusion after the break up and even b4 I started seeing this new guy, I thought we could maintain a friendship. However, he is now telling me how he has changed and even trying to prove it by talking marriage, moving in, family, etc.
I almost want to eblieve it, which scares me.... However, then I was up from that dillusion and realize that being friends with him and hearing his pleas is just detracting from my new relationship. I don't want that to happen. I've let that happen before.
Today I told him that i care about my new boyfriend and to leave me alone for good and let me be happy. He says he will. We will see.
Any advice, support? I feel like I have done a disservice to my new love by trying to maintain a friendship with my old love......
Malena

Hi Malena,
From what you say in your post, it sounds like you've done everything right. Maybe you have been doing some disservice to your current relationship by keeping up contact with your ex, but you've stopped that now. I think it is good that you're no longer in contact with your ex, since being in contact with him doesn't seem like its done you any good.
It will be hard at first to stay away from your ex, but after awhile, you won't notice that you're not in contact anymore. Hopefully, your new love will become even deeper to the point where you could contact your ex, but you don't even want to...
Just hang in there, you're doing your best, and that is all anyone can ask!
-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Malena, I think I remember you from these boards about 18 months ago. Your BF would not commit, would not introduce you to family because you came from different backgrounds, was very controlling, and less then loving. Please, for your own sanity, let this guy go -- what does he give you? how has he enriched your life, what values to you share? How does he encourage you to be a better person, What does he show you that indicates you are anything more to him than something to play with and manipulate. this is not love -- it is obsession. He does not have your best interests at heart. Talk is cheap -- words should match actions. Do not let him derail you from your path of healing and moving on.
I am not attempting to label you, but you might want to check out the Co-dependent and Love Addict board. It may enlighten you in ways that you would not believe. Take care
Lois
Thank you Lois
You are right - that is me, er... Was me :). I told him that there was no chance we would ever get back together and he would be better 'proving' his new self to new women.
I am happy with the relationship I have now and want to see where it goes.
Thanks for the support!!
Malena
Malena, I thought for sure I responded to you yesterday but I'm not finding my post (did you post on any other boards?). In any event, I think that being in contact with your ex is a big disservice to YOU, let alone your new relationship. He treated you *terribly*...why do you want to be friends with someone like that?
In any event, I would use technology to ensure that it is difficult if not impossible for him to contact you again. Block him from calling, emailing or IM'ing you...and if you can't block him, I think serious consideration of changing your number is in order in this situation.
Sheri