moving foward but still hurting

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
moving foward but still hurting
3
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 7:52am
It's been two weeks since I broke things off with my ex who said he couldn't handle a commitment after three years of dating me. We agreed to be friends and after he broke up he said he wanted to get together again soon so we agreed to meet in three weeks. We're supposed to get together at the end of this week. It's going to be so weird to see him again. There's a part of me that's afraid of what he's going to say. I know that if I hear him say that he started seeing someone this weekend or something like that it will really bother me because he said he can't handle a commitment, so why on earth would he want to see someone again. Knowing him, he likes the company of a girlfriend more than being in a commited relationship, so I can't see him depriving himself of a companion and intimacy for too long because I heard him saying to a friend who broke up with his girlfriend some time again, "there are many other girls out there" and I'm sure that's going to be his attitude over our relationship. Sometimes I wonder if we will really end up being great friends after all of this. We had such a good relationship but I know that he can't handle getting married yet like he said and there were several other problems the relationship had. Maybe seeing him again soon is a bad idea. Maybe we can't really be friends for a very long time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 9:10am

iv sunnygirl...

Pianoguy is shaking his head in disbelief!

I'm sorry if I sound like a skeptic.....but "getting together as friends" after only a 2-week breakup is a little naive, don't you think? Especially when the 2 of you were attached at the hip (as a couple) for 3 years!

How in the world can you possibly JUST BE BUDDIES? I don't get it!

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 11:10am

I would agree with PG...it is WAAAY too soon to get together "as friends". It could take a year or longer to get to the point where you no longer have any romantic feelings for him, and that is the emotional place you need to be in, in order to reconnect as friends.

I am now friends with a commitment-phobic ex of mine but it took a good year of no contact to get to the point where I could be friends. Now whenever I see him and hear about his romantic issues (he still isn't capable of commitment, though he goes from woman to woman), I can think "thank goodness he's not my problem"!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 6:43pm
It does hurt when he moves on, particularly when the reasons for you breaking up are that one. My ex had already talked to my mom about marrying me but then decided he wasn't mature enough or financially stable enough. I agree with him but it still stings that he's already moved on. He's the type that falls hard and fast and, in my honest opinion, I need to prepare myself for him becoming a stepdad soon. His new girl has 2 kids under age 5... it stings, but I'm better off without him. And he was one of my best friends for 3 years before we started our 3 year relationship. It's tough but you'll be fine. Good luck and big hugs!
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