Moving up, Moving on

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Moving up, Moving on
5
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 4:06pm
I do not understand how these men think they move on so quickly. My ex started seeing someone else at some point in October or early November - we were still in a relationship. I found out about this on Thanksgiving day, we broke up the day after. Now I feel the need to torture myself and read his instant messenger profile, which as of December 24th says he's found his soulmate, and he states her name and that he loves her. How, how do you love her when you've only known her for a month and a half? What makes her so much more loveable than me? I know that reading this is only hurting me, but in a way reading it makes me understand without a doubt that there is no going back - there is no more us, and we are done. I also wonder if he's posting this information hoping that I will see it. I am going to hold my head up and keep moving forward. I just don't understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 4:12pm

unfortunately, you may never get that answer. people grieve in different ways. the best thing that you can do now is focus on healing YOU, so that you won't take this hurt/pain to your next relationship.

wishing you courage and strength as you climb uphill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 6:29pm
mannie610- I feel your pain. My ex, however, broke up with me the day after he first talked to this girl. Mighty big of him, huh? We'll that was the first week of October and almost three months later, they are still together. It is not that I want him, because as time goes on, he becomes less and less attractive to me in any way. But, why does it get under our skin so much when there is someone else, regardless? And, not only is there someone else, but someone who is the complete opposite of me, someone who doesn't work and someone who doesn't leave his side, literally for 1 minute of any day. Although it doesn't concern us, it still bothers us, and I don't know why? Good luck and take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 7:06pm
Hey there-
I feel your pain I really do. My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years...I broke up with her last May...told her I needed space, but we remained close friends...which was a big no, no because crossed the lines many times...anyways, when I started seeing someone else...I didn't tell her at first...I knew it wasn't going to be anything serious, but I just wanted to test the waters...she detected something...I lied naturally because I didn't want to hurt her...but eventually I told her the truth...she flipped out...made me feel like the lowest of the low...and I basically kicked myself into the ground for 5 months...cried probably 2 of those months straight...she was just so angry with me...I terminated all forms of communication with the other girl...realizing what an ass I had been...but she was still really hard on me...I did everything in my power that was good for her...we didn't talk for weeks...then started doing email etc...anyways to make a long story short...I saw her for the first time in months on X-mas eve..we talked...she told me how she had been dating someone else for a little while...I felt like she had ripped my heart out of my chest and kicked it across the parking lot which we were standing in...but I stayed strong...she knew it bothered me...I told her I still loved her...she said it was hard for her too...and everything that has ran through my mind...has also crossed hers as well...I told her I had trouble letting her go...she said that I didn't have to let go of her completely...as a friend...asked her if she just could be my friend...she said eventually...then she said was was going to call me on Christmas and to say "hi" to my family and blah blah blah...point is, she made it seem way too easy...friendship is never easy...especially after 3 years of emotions...I told her friendship is better than nothing...but I know in my heart that it's not going to be possible for a long time, maybe even years...event hough I emailed her and told her we were past the hardest part and I would call her...it's never easy to walk away...I told her I didn't want to see her fall in love with anyone...she said she didn't want to see me fall in love with anyone either...just makes things more complicated when you know emotions are still there on both parts...but I know it's not going to work out....a part of me feels deceived because she knew how much it hurt me, to hurt her...and how much pain I was in...and how guilty I felt...and instead of taking the time to get over me...she treated me like crap and moved on...so way to go! In the end though everything is relative...Just remember to do what is best for you...I learned the hard way and got burned...people do grieve in different ways...and the most typical way is to run to another person, to try to forget...but in the end it never really works out...running is okay for awhile...but you always end up right back where you started. I know I am not going to be able to be in a serious relationship until I put her in the past where she belongs...I don't want the next person I am with to be 2nd best, and until then...the best I can do is work on me...and gain back all that I've lost in the past 3 years...best of luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 7:08pm
((Hugs))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 4:46pm
Hey, I have been in a similar sitution and it is soooooo hard! I dont know how men do that, because I know I cant even get over my ex and its been awhile! I still do crazy stuff like drive by his and his girlfriends new house, and check his profile and what not. I am doin crazy stuff that it makin it harder for me to move on. But I hate knowin that I am havin a hard time moving on and he had no problem starting up a new relationship and ending our 5 years one. He started seein this girl while were still together. It hurts alot and makes u wonder what is wrong with you. Just lettin you know, you arent alone!