Moving on with NO CONTACT
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Moving on with NO CONTACT
| Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:26pm |
HI Everyone. I am new to this board. I have been reading all the postings over the past week which has helped out tremendously. My ex boyfriend broke up with me last Thursday. I left his house with him saying "Let's talk more about this tomorrow". Well, I never spoke to him again. He's called me, text me, came over my house. And I have nothing to say to him. The only thing I want to hear is "I am so sorry, I made the biggest mistake, I want to try to work this out". He hasn't said it, and I don't know if he ever will. And that is OK! We live in a very small rural town, it feels so good to be able to go places with my held up high knowing I walked away with my self respect and dignity!! I go to the nail place, there are people we knew, the grocery store, gas station...etc. It feels good knowing I did not turn into a puppy dog, crying and begging like I have in the past. I have support from my girlfriends and coworkers, which helps alot as well. It's my understanding now he is having second thoughts and he's totally thrown back by my actions of not responding to him. So we will see if he comes crawling back, and if not...that's OK too. If he doesn't want me, there are 2 trillion me on this planet, maybe more, I'm sure one of them will find me wonderful!! So for all of you women out there who are scared of NO CONTACT. Think twice, if you cry and feel sorry for yourself over him, he'll never see your worth if you can't. Be confident, walk away, if it's mean to be, it will happen.

Thanks Christine!
I can't tell you how much I needed that right now. I am sitting here trying to will my phone to ring so that I can let it roll into voicemail and hope that it's my BF saying exactly what you wanted yours to say. I know it won't happen. Your post gave me the strength to stay away from picking up the darn thing and dialing his number.
Hi christinee -
I just wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU!!! Hopefully, your story will inspire someone else.
Have a great weekend and feel free to post here any time.
Reading this had made me feel a little better. Just knowing that you can do it. Helps me know that I can as well. I want him but I don't need him. He is the one that has lost. NOT ME. I want to hear all the same things. But I know him and he will never ever say any of that. So I will keep my head high and walk around proud. Thanks so much
JNK1710
Nicely done!
Hey Christine, I'm not sure why he broke up with you nor do I know if you know the reasons for the break up. Nevertheless, I personally feel the best way to solve problems in a relationship is through communication. I don't mean crawl back and beg on your knees, though its nice to imagine a guy who wronged you doing that. LOL. I mean in order to solve a problem you have to talk to your problem to let him know what bothers you and what changes you want to be made. You also have to find out from him, what he's unhappy about. It's hard to talk to someone who you are pissed at, and especially if they're the one who you feel is at fault.
When I'm mad at my boyfriend, I tend to give him the silent treatment. I want to talk to him about why I'm upset and what we can do to solve the problem but it's hard. He'll say he's sorry, ask me not to be mad at him, and hug me but I feel he's just saying that so we can kiss and make up and avoid talking about the problem. I always feel better after we talk. I worked on putting away my pride and tell him straight in face what I'm mad about and why. He will tell me the reasons why you did what he did to make me upset and apologize. Then we would both figure out a way to avoid this problem in the future. We always fight over stupid things.
Our last fight was about him not letting me pay for dinner, even though I asked him out to dinner to celebrate a raise I got at work. I felt he just want to be prove he's the man at the table and I was embarassed that we were arguing over this inside the restuarant. Though I appreciate guys who value shivalry and all that, I'm an independent woman and I feel belittled if a guy feels because I'm a woman I can't treat him to anything. He explained to me later he just wanted to do something nice for me, was his present to me. I explained that I didn't like the fact he won't even hear me out why I want to pay and I felt he was trying to be "macho" or thought I trying to demasculate him. We decided to split bills in half or take turns paying for one another in the future and if someone wants to treat the other person, they should explain the reason for the nice gesture before the check arrives to avoid an argument. My explaination is usually "because you're so damn handsome" =) He always say "cuz I have a million dollars in the bank".
Fights makes couples stronger in my opinion. If you can get over one fight with your partner, it makes you one step closer to being a stronger, happier couple. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. If only one person is doing all the work to keep a relationship together, the relationship will eventually self destruct. And the person who did all the work in the relationship will be left with resentment. I wish you the best Christine. I hope everything works out well for you.
Sorry Christine, I noticed on my last post I talked more about myself and didn't give you any real advice or solution to your situation. You stated that he broke up with you but you also stated he wanted to talk about the break up. He's attempting to contact you. But I understand why you would wait for him to beg for your forgiveness. It's good to hear that you're okay if the relationship doesn't work out. But it seems to me you do want the relationship to work out because you're waiting for him to come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness. We all imagine guys we dated to do this, but the likelyhood is slim to none simply because it's degrading and guys have too much pride for that kind of stuff.
Are you not interested in what he has to say? Do you not want to give him a piece of your mind and have some closure. I have the unfortunate experience of running to alot of my exs with other girls, those who I ended in good terms we were able to say hi and talk those who I ended in bad terms made the incident extremely uncomfortable. Since you said you live in a small town, you would probably run into him. I personally like to end things nicely if that is possible and find out why the relationship didn't work, to learn from it and use that knowledge to my advantage.
This is just my opinion of course. I would personally talk to the guy if he made efforts to contact me and he asked to talk about the break up previously. Which in my opinion means he either really regret his decision and want to convince you to take him back or he wants to explain to why he broke up with you so you don't think he's some jerk. I understand you want to keep the bit of pride you have left after he stomped on your heart. I know how angry and painful it feels.
If you guys were not that SERIOUS, I guess it would be safe to say you're free to date other people. I emphasize serious because if you guys were disregard this entire paragraph! LOL There's no point in waiting for him. When he does crawl back to you, let him know you're dating other people and if you want to date your ex casually and compare your men and choose the one you want. However make sure they know you're not serious and just dating CASUALLY. Men are kind of like shoes, you try on a couple of pairs and buy the one that you like the most and fit you of course. I was seeing a few guys, until I found my boyfriend. He was seeing other girls too. When I wanted to be exclusive with him, I stopped seeing the others and so did he. But we didn't get really serious until we decided to introduce our families and friends.
I'm not sure how serious you guys were. You may not agree with me but this is just what I personally would do. I wouldn't wait for him to call but when he DOES call and you happen to be next to the phone, I would at least hear him out. If he's wishy washy and just playing mind games when he talks to you, then forget him and move on. Tell him you don't have time for this crap and there are other guys waiting for you. But if he explains why he broke up with you and wants to take you back. This is your chance to tell him how you feel. Tell him how he hurt you, let him know what he has to do to get you back. Guys need instructions, you have to draw the picture for them some times. They want to take action but not sure what exactly you want them to do.
Any guy and pretend to cry and beg a girl for forgiveness to take them back (that's what alot of guys who tend to cheat do) My ex for example cheated on me and then said all the sweet nothings to win my heart back but I didn't fall for it. The point is not to manipulate him to regretting that he lose you. The point is to make him understand why your relationship is worth fighting for, why you are worth fighting for. To do that you have do some communication with him. Let him know you're hurt. Let him know you cherished your relationship with him regardless of the bad times you guys had. Let him know part of you still care for him but what he did hurt you so much that you're not sure you can let him back in. A person naturally gets defensive and puts up a barrier around them when they've been hurt.
If you don't want to get back with this guy, then let him know. Tell him you're moving on and you're sorry that the relationship didn't work out but you'll take the good times the both of you shared together with you and wish him the best. That would be the mature thing to do. Instead of letting him think that there might be hope for you guys while you're already moving on. If you're not sure if you want to get back with your ex for whatever reason. You should give yourself time to think about it while enjoying your single life with friends. When you feel you know what you want from him, then you can tell him. It seems like you have control of things and have a very good outlook, so I'm sure whatever happens you'll be fine. Take care Christine.