mr. distance

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
mr. distance
5
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 4:45pm


Hi everyone,

I really need your advice on this one! Been in a relationship since November. He is employed with the airlines and travels alot. The relationship started like any other relationship. We talk on the phone for a month and didn't meet until Christmas Day.
He kept in touch constantly when he had layovers, breaks, days off. Because of his schedule and my working schedule, it was hard for us to spend any time together. I questioned him and he stated we would spend time together and he even invited me to spend time with him during one of his layovers. Due to the weather, that didn't happened. Three weeks ago, he went to visit his daughter and still kept in touch with me on a regulary basis (ex. call me in the moring @ work, lunch, before I leave and at home later on that night). We were together last Friday night and everything was fine...he didn't call Saturday so I didn't think anything of it. Then from Monday on...one call I asked him why didn't he call and then he cope an attidude stating he didn't have to call everyday and he still loves me. To make a long story short, I am the one who calls and we barely speak for 5 minutes if that and he says he will call me back which he doesn't. so last week, I left a message stating I didn't know why he was so distance lately and could we discuss it. He stated that I take things the wrong way and ended the conversation. So , I left a message and told him I couldn't deal with the way he was treating me and maybe we needed some space or just end the relationship. I have always told him in the beginning if he was ever interested in someone else just tell me. He continues not to call if I call he states I haven't done anything wrong and he will call me later, which he doesn't. I don't understand why he did this 360 degree turn. I don't ask him for anything. If he doesn't want to be bother, why does he answer the phone when I call. I need some advice quick! Thanks for your help =).

Sherri2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
In reply to: sherri2006
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 7:50pm

Hi Sherri,
First of all, hugs to you. There's a good group here for support.

Secondly, don't let him turn this around on you with his "you take things the wrong way" crap. Women's tuition tells us something is off - and I'm sure you're a smart cookie and knew things were out of order.

I still think, even if we tell a guy upfront to tell us about another woman, they just won't. They hide, lie, run away, whatever. Not saying this is what's happening in your situation, I'm just going thru it now and a bit slanted on this! I'm starting to realize guys more often than not have a tendency to run away or hide from us when something is wrong vs. just being a man and saying they're not happy, they've got someone on the side, etc. It's easier to avoid confrontation- even if we are nice and tiptoe around bringing anything up!

Keep us posted on if he checks in... it's good you stood up for yourself and told him you needed space if he's going to treat you like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: sherri2006
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 8:40am
Why waste your time on this man who is clearly not fully into you the way you deserve??
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
In reply to: sherri2006
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 6:00pm

Hi shadow,

Well it's been almost 2 1/2 months now and here's the update on "mr. distance". He has continued to calls when he wants to (about once a week maybe twice) but I handling it pretty well. Each day gets a little easier. He gave me some lame excuse the reason why he was so distance was because he was having family problems with his brother and I told him that I was sorry to hear that. But, I continue to keep myself busy and this golf tournament is reallly keeping me "BUSY"!!! Also, I have gotten to point if anyone going to call, it's on him. The last few times he has called he has given me the update where he is with the layovers and now I feel like I could care less when he tells me. I used to be thrilled but now it's like "oh". Anyway, I told him in the last conversation that he had a "Diamond" in one hand and he was looking for rhinestones.. His statement to me was when he finish his 4-day trip, that we were going to talk. (that conversation was a week ago). Recently, I was shocked when he called Saturday night but I just didn't answer the phone because it was really late (he called 3 times and left a message that I was probably out on the town). Then, he called on Easter morning to wish me a "Happy Easter" but I really couldn't talk because I was gettting my daughter ready for church. Basically, he just opening my eyes to see what he really type of man he is ....that he doesn't follow through on what he says. A part of me says "try to work through this " and the other part says is "just leave him alone". Yes, I still do care for him but I don't deserve to be treated this way, either. Some days are good ..where I tell myself you can do this and some days are bad... where I miss him alot and want to call him but I don't do it because I really don't want him to think I'm chasing him.I really don't know where to go with this because I need some closure. Because the last converstion that we really had , I told him that if he wanted to be friends... fine, I can deal with that or if he wanted a relationship, I needed to know. But of course, he couldn't give me an answer. So if you have any more suggestions on how to handle the weak moments,let me know because sometimes I do have them but I haven't given in =). Thanks for your input.

Sheri 2006

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sherri2006
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 6:08pm

He's not going to give you a straight answer, so don't hold your breath.

I don't think you're at the point where you can be just friends, yet. I think it would be in your best interests to cut off contact (don't take his calls). Continuing to take his calls will keep the cycle going (you'll continue to miss him as long as you are still in contact with him).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
In reply to: sherri2006
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 8:59am

I agree with Sheri, this up and down madness is just going to continue unless you do something about it. He won't obviously because he hasn't yet.

You're going to have to decide whether you really like doing this still. If this is ultimately what you want, and you are laid back and don't care if he comes and goes in your life, then fine (most girls are not cool with this, but...). But if you say you need closure, you're going to have to be the one do it, it looks like. I know how you feel when you're in a relationship with on again/off again moments, it's very draining. And you know deep down it shouldn't operate like that.

As for your weak moments, I too did that method- would ignore the ex because he wasn't talking to me either. I was going to "show him" that I was a)not a clingy girl and b)how long could he go without making an effort in reaching out to me. But looking back, it's just a game and it wasn't what I wanted or needed. And you end up hurting because you aren't getting what you want.

ok, I'm rambling now, but hopefully you can come to a decision soon. Know what you want and go for it!!!