Mutual Friend and the EX, Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Mutual Friend and the EX, Need Advice
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 7:53pm

It has been a long time since I posted my own discussion, but I need some advice about a situation that haunts me everyday. To make this brief and to the point, my co-worker, is friends with my "ex". She introduced me to the "ex", and we work together everyday and are close at work. Our co-working friendship hasn't really taken off after work, only occasion, she has invited me to her home for some party or get together. There is another co-worker that we are close together, and were like the Charlie Angels at work. Always together, eating and talking, and all that good stuff. My problem: it has been almost 7 mos since me and the "ex" have ended the fling, and I'm still in recovery of the break up, but doing much better since the beginning of it all. I still have my bad days, when I shed a tear, but my crying is very minimal, and the pain in my heart is not heavy. So all you listeners out there, time is an essence. It really helps mend the broken heart, you just have to give yourself time to heal. I am a true example of that. Even though I have those sad moments, time gave me the chance to reflect on alot of things, and mend my broken heart. It's still broken, but being repaired.

Anyways, back to the advice, being friends with the co-worker who is friends with my "ex" is sometimes so hard for me. I mean to work with her everyday and to talk with her, and share the same office is sometimes so overwhelming for me, I don't know what to do. We sometimes don't get along and I have to leave her alone and not talk to her for awhile, but then that doesn't last, she apolgizes to me and were friends again. We never talk about the "ex", and she never mentions his name. I sometimes want to, but it will only make things worse for me, because I'm still in recovery, and I still think about him, and how he's doing. The "ex" and I parted ways on bad terms, with me trying to contact him to fix things, but it has been a straight 3 mos of "NC" from me, and he can't contact me, because I moved and changed all my numbers, which helped me with my recovery. But the mutual friend and the connection to him is hard for me. I sometimes have tried to be mad with her so I won't have to deal with her at work, or get an attitude with her so she won't talk to me, so I can get him completely out of my system. I know it sounds strange, but having a friendship with her at work, I feel keeps me connected to him, and sometimes the "hope" that one day we will talk and settle the differences. It's sooooo hard, pelase help and give me some advice. I have another problem. Last week my coworker had an accident at work, and our supervisor told me to take her to the emergency room from work. I did, and I used her car. To make this short, if I can, I left some things in her car, and my son and I went to her home to get my things. Well, my son met her son, and they hit it off, and her son really likes me son. Well, now her son wants my son to come over to her home so they hang out and play video games. I'm like, I don't want that. Am I being selfish, but I really don't want that connection with her like that. I'm really still in recovery with the break up and being friends with her at work is already unbearable at times, now our sons being friends? What do I do? Please help, I don't want to be selfish.