my 2am rant
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| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 1:37am |
Hey all,
I cannot stress how much this board helped me through my tough time but I have to let everyone know that there IS LIFE at the end of the tunnel! Great bigs hugs for you all since it is a tough time.... time, what a funny thing since it comes & goes... what were we all doing before "they" came around and broke our hearts? Were we miserable? NO, we had life, love, & happiness I bet!
We get so wrapped up in our own emotions we do not allow the proper time to heal ourselves. We can buy every book on the shelves for commitmentphobes, how do I love again, grieving over love lost, post here, and have the NC rule but the REAL healing & moving on MUST come from within and we MUST want & DEMAND a better partner for ourselves. We women (fellas here too) sometimes have to look beyond ourselves and ask "what's best for them" as well as "what's best for us"...
we cannot figure out why they made the choices they did & overanalyize every aspect of the relationship gone arye. After time we can accept the loss & keep the glimmer of hope in our minds & hearts that the right person will come around for us. After reading countless posts (as well as posting some too) we had a lot of questions why things turned out like they did.... why he doesn't feel comfortable, why he doesn't want to commit, why doesn't he love me...instead of trying to fix him/her (help him realize or figure out what he wants or go deeper into his psyche for their deep seeded problems) and question what could've been done to salvage our relationships we should wish them happiness & wait for the right one to come along for ourselves. Who knows, maybe one day they'll come around but maybe one day they wont....if it's meant to be, it will be!
I know that it's easier said than done sometimes but I'm speaking from my heart.
Life is too short & we need to make the best of it. Will we ever find prince charming.. who knows but I'd rather hope for the best rather than sit around torturing myself hoping that he'll come back or realize what a douche he's been for letting me go. I respect myself & love myself more than that and still have many things in life to accomplish & I'm sure you all do too. I'd rather take my chances & roll the dice in hopes that one day, I will NOT have to help my man get over his "issues" & the right man will be secure enough within himself to know he wants to be with me & loves me unconditionally just as I would for him.
I hope the sun continues to shine on your faces & that you will give & receive love from that speacial somebody who keeps you smiling, not crying!
The midnight rant lady,
R

Beautiful rant, Rehina! I completely agree with you. I realized that my ex and I make each other very happy, but that does not mean we can have a happy life together. We talked last night, honestly, openly, and without hurt feelings for the first time. I know it will take us a while, but we are finally making progress towards being each other's best friends that we used to be. I know, NC is often suggested, but I think for us, talking a couple of times a week actually might work.
Anyway, I can see my life again without him as my man, but as a friend. I told him yesterday I'm going to MBA next year and might look for a job in Europe afterwards. He was very suprised, but I think it makes us both realize that although we may not have future together, we still have a future.
I can't wait for him to grow up, he may be my soulmate, but not my life mate. If its meant to be, it will be, but none of us should put the rest of our lives on hold in the process!
Live and let live. Be happy and wish others happiness!
Madina
rehina22...
Pianoguy really can't add anything more to your 2AM rant. Your words pretty much covered everything that he would.
But if you don't mind...I'd like to add ONE REINFORCEMENT concerning the healing process?
While the time frame for healing differs from person-to-person, it's amazing how much EASIER the process becomes when we've got A SUPPORT SYSTEM backing us up?
Our friends, family members, close business associates, parishioners (assuming you attend church, synagogue or some house of worship), classmates, etc....can REDUCE the stress of a break-up!
Their support makes it easier for you to move forward...and (assuming that you want to) find a MUCH BETTER "Mr. Right" than you previously had!
Pianoguy
Tks Madina
You're right, everyones situation is different and we all have various methods of coping with our losses. It's good to hear that you both can not only be mature about the break up but also allow the love you have for one another to continue in a platonic way. You put it beautifully when you wrote " I think it makes us both realize that although we may not have future together, we still have a future." That's the truth! Although I know my ex wasn't being completly honest with me during our 2+yr relationship, I still think that he,despite his flaws (Peter Pan too), is a good guy. I can still think of the good and not so great moments we had and I only hope to become a better & more "knowledgable" person for my next partner. We work together in a small office & I work directly with him some days & on others we're like 2 ships passing. At first, I avoided him like the plague but once I accepted things in my own mind, I just smile as usual & carry on a casual conversation when warranted.
Good luck to you & all your future endeavors! MBA, you go chickie!
Best wishes,
no longer Tinkerbell,
Regina :)
Hey PG
I Must say that Billy Joel was my favorite but I think you just stole the #1 place for PG in my book!
I concur....a support system is a GREAT help through our difficult times.. heck, I even e-mailed you on the side in my times of woe...tks again :)I understand we all handle our recovery differently and to reiterate, this place is a godsend!I just hope that the people who've been coming here will get their closure sooner than later & be able to mend their hearts without losing site that there's more to life than constantly hurting during their recovery. It's ok to smile and do things you enjoy in order to rebuild your hope that there is some one better suited for us out there. Enjoying my time with others & venting surely helped me!
We all have the innate ability to be knocked down, get up again, & dust ourselves off.
What matters is how much time we spend laying on the groud before we get the strength to push ourselves back up & resume enjoying life whether single or not.
Big Hugs for you buddy!
Regina