My boyfriend broke up with me today.
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| Thu, 11-30-2006 - 2:29am |
My boyfriend broke up with me today. We'd only been dating for two months, but it still really hurts. In the past several years, I've only liked one other person, and I felt like with this guy, I was really opening myself back up to being able to feel things for other people. I genuinely like him, and that's not something that happens often. I don't open myself up to other people, but I felt like I could with him. I'm pretty crushed.
He said he just felt like "something is missing" and that it really sucks because I am "a good person." Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn't.
He commented that I seemed very nonchalant about him breaking up with me. What did he want me to do? Cry? Beg him to stay with me? Would it have done any good? I don't think so. I cried. I just wasn't going to do it in front of him. I guess I knew it was simply a matter of time before he left me. I've learned that no matter what I do, I'm never enough. So I guess I'm not surprised. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
I'm hurt, but now I'm passing into the hurt and angry stage. I think I liked being hurt better. What really gets me is that he said he has felt that something was missing for a few weeks. Last night, he wanted to have sex with me. We've been having sex since a couple of weeks after we started dating. But I said no last night because my body said no. I'm glad I listened to my body. What did he want? One last romp before breaking up with me. That's a little bit insensitive. Actually, that's kind of malicious and cruel. That makes me feel like he just stayed with me for the sex. I didn't peg him as that big of a jerk, but maybe I was wrong.
If he felt like something was wrong, I wish he would have talked to me about it. I could never get inside his head. It's just frustrating and upsetting.
I want to let him know that I'm upset because for some reason I feel the need to let him know that he does mean something to me, even if my being calm when he broke up with me would say otherwise. I just couldn't let myself cry in front of him. Part of me wishes that I did though. And I want to let him know how I feel in regards to feeling somewhat used now. I don't know if that's a good idea, especially if I want to stay on good terms with him. He seems like he wants to still be friends. I don't know how to let him know how I feel without risking sounding confrontational, but I don't think he should just get off so easily, thinking he didn't hurt me, because I am in pain. And I don't know how to transition into being friends if I don't express what's going on inside my head. I think I'm more likely to end up being bitter toward him if I keep everything bottled up.
I guess he probably realizes I'm upset though. He's stupid if he doesn't. His roommate walked in after we broke up, and his roommate asked us if we wanted the bedroom to ourselves and we said no at the same time. He was surprised and asked if we were sure, and my now ex told him we broke up. His roommate was like, "oh. well, now I just feel awkward...ummm...sorry..." Then his girlfriend walked into the room, and I sat there for a bit before deciding I needed to leave. As I was walking out, I motioned for the roommate's girlfriend to follow me and she was gone with me for quite a while. We talked and stuff then she gave me a ride home. So if she left with me and was gone for a while, one would think I obviously wasn't ok. At least I think that would be safe for someone to assume.
It just really sucks. She said she's not going to stop being my friend just because I'm not dating her boyfriend's roommate anymore. I just hope other people feel the same since most of my friends are through my ex boyfriend. I knew some of them before we started dating, but they've known him a lot longer and I'm sure most of them place their loyalties with him. I've only been here a few months, so it isn't like I have long-standing relationships with these people. But still. If I didn't feel alone before being that I'm in a new place with few people that I really know, I think I'm going to feel even more alone now. Blah.
I just want to cry, but the tears won't come anymore, and it's just making me more frustrated. :(

Here's a big cyber hug. I know how you feel and I've been where you are right now. My only advice to you is to take one day at a time. Cut off all contact with your ex. He sounds like an insensitive jerk. How could he expect you to have one last romp with him? You'll get through this be strong and know that this is only for the best. Remember, when one door closes, another one opens.
Take care of yourself.
Just think Positive, relax, focus on yourself,do yoga or any form of exercise (it is said that exercise releases and eliminates stress), go dancing, and just enjoy life. When you focus on everything that you want to do then you'll know if your over him. This guy clearly dosn't deserve you, and there are plenty of men in this world you just got to wait for the right one.But let me tell you something when people focus, care, and love themselves they attract people.So don't give up on love, because like i said you deserve so much more.Don't be afraid that there aren't any good guys because there are tons of good guys you just got to find out where they all hang out, and some more advice when searching for someone new open your horizons!But if there is any chance that you still want this guy then I have a better plan to wrap this guy around your finger.
If there is a chance that this guy still secretly wants you, but he's being such a guy and not accepting the fact that he may still want you then this is when you have to act. Here are a couple of things to do that will help alot, believe me (:
1) Think positive and be sure of yourself
2) Do things for yourself like (ex: get nails and hair done)
3) Go to a spa and get a Theraputic Massage
4) Go shopping for a a killer sexy outfit
5) Go places enjoy your time alone
6) Don't call or see him at all (wait a week, but if there is a chance you see him just chat for like 5 mins and then quickly end by saying you have things to do but say it nicely) There's a saying " Guys want what they can't have" so be sweet and say good bye but with a peck on the cheek!
7) After a week has gone by casually invite him out (preferably somewhere social and at night), but as friends! then wear the killer sexy outfit that you bought, and get your hair done too.
Now when you see him that night kiss him not on the lips but real close to lips and pull away slowly.During the event pay him less attention, but don't ignore him. Now enjoy the night and when the night is over and it is time for good byes... there two scenerios the first one is;
1)If he asks you out again and you say yes then you win...but since he just asked you out again don't give into any making out, hooking up, or sex just that night and possibly the next night( if you want)instead make him want you even more, make him think and work harder to get you. so when saying good bye i recommend you compliment him on how he's acted all evening and then kiss him on lips and say that you have to get up early in the morning to do something, but if he'd like to schedule a date for next day.
2)If he doesn't ask you out that night there is still a possibility that he might soon or maybe that you've blown him away that he's shocked...so dont worry !! so when saying goodbye I recommend kiss on the cheek and a sweet goodbye (if he didn't ask you out no making out, hooking up, or sex with him no matter how tempting lol... let him know that you only do those things when in a relationship, and that you respect yourself, your heart, and most important your body!)
Hope I helped,Good Luck;
Alexi
Everything you feel is normal. Even questioning whether or not you handled it the best way possible.
The only thing that really jumps out at me from your post is your comment "I've learned that no matter what I do, I'm never enough. So I guess I'm not surprised. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon."
As long as you believe that, you will continue to create that. Have you considered short-term counseling to work on your self-esteem? It could really help.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie
I'm not sure the going without seeing him is really going to work as we have a course together and we are in the same organizations on campus. That's how we met. I sit by him in the class we have together. I guess I could move to another spot in the room, but I think I have too much pride for that, and it seems kind of childish.
I guess what hurts the most is that I did notice a couple weeks ago that he wasn't himself, and when I asked him about it, he said nothing was wrong. In the past week, however, things seemed to be getting better. He seemed to be more himself and we were communicating more, and he was being affectionate. And then suddenly he breaks up with me. I don't get it. Of course, him wanting to sleep with me the night before he broke up with me definitely doesn't help. I never would have thought him to be so insensitive.
And as for the never enough comment, that just seems to be the case. It's always, "You're a great girl, but..." grrr