My boyfriend dumped me on New years eve
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My boyfriend dumped me on New years eve
| Wed, 01-05-2005 - 7:09am |
this guy and I had been friends for over a year then we decided to go out.We had been together for a year and a month. 4 months into our relationship we got into a accident. We hit a deer. I got hurt he didnt.I have torn the whole rotator cuff in my arm and have no feeling from the top down to my elbow in my writing hand.So I lost my job, lost the will to want to drive I was scared to death so basically I lost my life at that moment and along with really a will to live.I was miserable and unhappy I felt he got everything and I got nothing. He got a new car and a new job. I resented him. I carried this feeling with me for the last 8 months and I knew it was not good. I treated him alot of the times like crap, but he treated me the same alot to.I still loved him though. I have decided last month to seek counciling which he pushed me for as well. I still however have to have surgery at the end of this month something Im scared to death to do because I have to be out for like a few hours for my arm. The other day he acted like nothing was wrong then at 12 on new years eve morning he told me Its over. He told me he is miserable all after realizing this sitting at work in one day he was at my house the other day and nothing was wrong. I looked at him like what I cant believe this so I started crying I begged him to change his mind but he felt our relationship was going into the ground and if we kept going we would not salvage anything from this at all. I asked him to give me a hug and he just started to cry and would not let me go for like an hour.He kept telling me its not what I want to do its what I have to do. I wanted him to just leave but I knew once he walked out the door it was over I did not want to except it.So the next day I called him asking for a ring back that I gave him for christmas a ring that meant so much to me at the time that he asked to keep the night he broke up with me. He didnt answer my call so I kept pushing I texting him telling him I needed to drop off his things. When we were dating we got 2 dogs together now when he called me back he wanted the one dog.I begged him like an idiot for over an hour to come back to me finally he was screaming at me you have to get over it its over. Im tired of making everyone happy but me. So I told him I would not give the dog back. He fought with me I have legal rights to him I bought him I want him back you have the other dog.Finally it got to the point where he was like fine I have hurt you already enough I will let you keep the dog. Then I felt bad so I was like fine if it will make you happy Im willing to sacrifice my own I will give the dog. I went to drive to his house which mind you I have not drove only once since the accident and I had been to his house millions of times and I got lost ended up at his best friends work. He told me that my ex was heartbroke.That all he has been doing is crying and moping since we broke up and to give it a few weeks and he would come back he just needs time he told me he would talk to him since he thought he was making a mistake by breaking up with me. So I went over to his house gave him his things and the dog and all he did was sit there teary eyed and everytime he would start to cry he would say your gonna be okay your gonna get through this we will get through this.Then I asked him if you feel like you made a mistake in a few weeks would you come back and he said I would do what I thought I needed to do to make me happy. He told me we could email and im each other for right now, but now he completely is avoiding me like the black plague. I mean its only been a few days but talking for a year and 3 months everyday it seems so hard to just let that go. I would think with all the crying he was doing it was hurting him to. He told me he does rule out that we wont get back together in the future but right now at the present moment no. I dont know what to think of all this his friend says wait he gave me a little bit of hope he might come back, but over the phone I angered him so I got a negative response from my pushy attitude. I dont know what to think. When I saw him he told me he didnt want it over but he knew right now he knew it was what he wanted any suggestions do I move on or give it a few weeks? I have not stopped living my life now Im going out with family everyday or friends im working on things that were wrong with me and letting go the resentment that I had for him and blamed him for the accident, but should I really have any hope hes coming back??

Wow. There is a lot of stuff going on here. Keep up with your therapy for dealing with your own feelings involved here, and allow me to sort of think out loud and attempt to help with the (x)BF.
You got in an accident, that he was at real or self inflicted fault for (he was driving yes?) and he didn't get hurt and you did. You got hurt really bad. Then, understandably, you took your anger and grief out on him. If he's a man of any character whatsoever, he also has his own intense sence of guilt weighing in on him. So now he breaks up with you, as seeing you everyday, hearing the resentment in your voice, and having the love tarnished by all of this (all that he caused) is too much for him to handle.
There might be too much between you, too many hurt feelings and too much anger, for this to work out. But have you ever told him that you don't blame him for this? That you don't hate him? He blames and hates himself for doing this to you. He probably can barely stand to be with you because he loves you so much and his own guilt is eating him alive. And then when you are nice to him it's like adding salt to the wound. He thinks 'how can you be nice to me!? I'm a monster, look what I've done to you!' He wants you to hate him, to be angry at him. He feels he deserves it, he feels it will ease his own hatred and anger at himself.
If you really want a future with him, you've got to let him off the hook. You've got to stop holding him accountable. It was an accident, and it could have happened to anyone. It sucks. But doesn't losing him now suck more? Wouldn't it be nice to let go of the gulf of hurt and unspoken sorry's between you? Perhaps you should write him a letter. That way you can remain calm, say all that you want to say with out interruption, and really lay your heart out for him. Tell him you don't hate him. Tell him you don't hold him responsible and that you know it was just an accident. Tell him it would greatly ease your fears to have him, to have your love, by your side when you go in for surgery. Tell him you want to grow with him as a couple through this ordeal and come out stronger united, not miserable and devided. Tell him you know it's hard for him too, but that you know he's worth it and you pray that he knows you're worth it.
Then let him come to you.