My DH has left me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
My DH has left me.
3
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 5:39am

He announced tonight he is not in love with me anymore & hasn't been since November. I honestly had no idea & I am shocked to the core. I mean how can you leave someone hanging on for 3 months when you know it's not working? To be honest, I knew things were not good & I too had thought about leaving many times lately. I always just thought we'd work it out. I guess this time there is nothing to work out. If he doesn't love me, there is no point. Please don't say, he'll come round, he probably doesn't mean it, he'll be fine in a day or two. I know him. He truly meant it.

We have 2 children together, a boy, 1 & a girl, 8. We have been together 9 years. I just feel sick & really sad. Every marriage has it's problems, but you always think they can be worked on you know? He called me last night & I said to him that I wish there was something I could do to put things right. He said they can't. I suggested councelling but he said no, there was no point. I just don't know why he had to lie to me for the past 3 months. When I think about the times he's told me he loves me or we've had sex. I just feel so deceived & upset. I honestly had no idea he felt this way. I wish he'd said when he first had doubts so we could try to work on things together. It's too late now & I haven't had a chance to rectify things. I just cant stop crying. I just want to die. I have never felt pain like it in my life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 9:59am

first of all, i can truly relate to how youre feeling right now. although my situation probably isnt even anywhere near as painful as yours, im still reeling and in shock from what happened to me 2 days ago.


my boyfriend of 8months/living together for 6mnths have just walked out on me. we dont have kids together(thank goodness)but i loved this man like ive never loved anyone in my life. we have problems and been dealing with a lot of issues and differences. like you, ive thought about walking out a few times but stayed because i love him and believed that we could work it out. we had a very very minor disagreement tues and all i told him while on the phone on his way home that if he was in a bad mood, he should just take time to cool down at his sister's house so we dont end up with our big fights. he came in 10mins later and packed up all his stuff and left. he just told me via text, after he left that he couldnt take my attitude anymore and how i always hurt him. ive been left to carry the entire financial burden coz hes not working and couldnt find a job. and on top of that, hes a very pessimistic person, negative and angry almost. so that kinda affected me too. that with the money problems aggravated it. so naturally, there were times when i couldnt contain the stress and i would end up snapping at him. but ive always been patient with him and his ways. im just human and i do get stressed out too. ive always tried to support him and his goals all the while not pressuring him about how were so tight on money.


i feel so hurt right now too...i feel pain that literally makes me not do anything and just lie down in bed and cry. i try to get up..i have a 5 yr old daughter and i put on a brave face for her but i feel so depressed. i know i will eventually snap out of this but as of this moment, i cant see it just yet. i asked him to give me a chance to talk and maybe we can work things out but he adamantly refuses. to make matters worse, hes planning to move to puerto rico and continue his studies there. that kills me more because i knw he'll be so far away and i wont see him anymore. a part of me is still hoping he'll come around but another part of me is telling me to just move on.


how do you move on? theres so many questions i wanna ask him but i cant anymore coz it seems like hes deleted me from his life in such a short time.


i have reached out to family and friends and theyve been so helpful. im thinking i wanna talk to someone whos going thru the same thing right now. i need support.. i feel so alone,isolated and abandoned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 1:14pm

Hi angelnikita,


Unfortunately I can relate very well to what you are going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 2:55am

Thanks for your replies. I am going to my Mum's today. I don't know how long for, I just need to get out of here. My DH has not taken 1 thing with him, not even his toothbrush. Sitting here surrounded by all his stuff is killing me.

He's coming in an hour to look sfter the kids while I go to an interview, just seeing him makes me feel sick. If it hadn't all happened so quickly I might have been coping better. He is going to help me get some stuff over to my Mum's. I just want him to change his his mind so badly.

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