my dilemma
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my dilemma
| Tue, 12-05-2006 - 3:39pm |
Here’s my dilemma,
During my last argument with my husband He said I’m tired of it. I’ve had enough. I’m about done. Done with you. Mind you he’s said this before. Probably every couple years.But I ‘ve had enough and say one of his favorite lines he says to me. You know where the door is.He leaves the room and latter leaves the house. I call him around 10:00 p.m. he left around 7:30 and ask if he’s coming home. He hangs up on me.I leave a message saying I’m not going to put up with not knowing where you are again.He comes home but he not talking to me and sleeps on the couch. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty it’s been two days he’s still not talking to me and he’s still on the couch. He’s waiting for my apology.
The night before we went to a party he didn’t really want to go to so he drank a lot. He was smug and shooting of comments about being married for too long. And was joking about it being time to trade up for that trophy wife. Now that I’m getting older he makes jokes about me being past my prime. When I confront him about his behavior he says I was just joking besides I told you I wanted to go to the football game not the party.
He is disrespectful towards women in front of my two boys he calls women the c word when he is driving and say they don’t know how to drive. If he hears them say something he doesn’t like on tv he calls them c and bitches.Their only good for sex.
When he drinks too much and I don’t pay attention to him he pulls my hair or tries to wrestle with me or spanks my butt hard. I say stop that hurts he says stop being such a baby. He gets this mean look on his face. But when I say something he says I was just playing.
He is so sure I won’t leave because I don’t have a job or education he fells he can treat me however he wants.when he’s not in one of his moods . He is pretty nice to me tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. I always try to look at the good times because I don’t want to divorced I went in to marriage with the commitment of forever. And I don’t want to screw the boys up by shuffling them around and disappoint them that were divorced. They like us together their proud because so many of their friends parents are divorced. I am also scarred about the no job and education situation I have been a stay at home mom for 15 years.
Any advice I could sure use some. Thanks confused
Edited 12/5/2006 4:17 pm ET by momgoingmad
During my last argument with my husband He said I’m tired of it. I’ve had enough. I’m about done. Done with you. Mind you he’s said this before. Probably every couple years.But I ‘ve had enough and say one of his favorite lines he says to me. You know where the door is.He leaves the room and latter leaves the house. I call him around 10:00 p.m. he left around 7:30 and ask if he’s coming home. He hangs up on me.I leave a message saying I’m not going to put up with not knowing where you are again.He comes home but he not talking to me and sleeps on the couch. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty it’s been two days he’s still not talking to me and he’s still on the couch. He’s waiting for my apology.
The night before we went to a party he didn’t really want to go to so he drank a lot. He was smug and shooting of comments about being married for too long. And was joking about it being time to trade up for that trophy wife. Now that I’m getting older he makes jokes about me being past my prime. When I confront him about his behavior he says I was just joking besides I told you I wanted to go to the football game not the party.
He is disrespectful towards women in front of my two boys he calls women the c word when he is driving and say they don’t know how to drive. If he hears them say something he doesn’t like on tv he calls them c and bitches.Their only good for sex.
When he drinks too much and I don’t pay attention to him he pulls my hair or tries to wrestle with me or spanks my butt hard. I say stop that hurts he says stop being such a baby. He gets this mean look on his face. But when I say something he says I was just playing.
He is so sure I won’t leave because I don’t have a job or education he fells he can treat me however he wants.when he’s not in one of his moods . He is pretty nice to me tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. I always try to look at the good times because I don’t want to divorced I went in to marriage with the commitment of forever. And I don’t want to screw the boys up by shuffling them around and disappoint them that were divorced. They like us together their proud because so many of their friends parents are divorced. I am also scarred about the no job and education situation I have been a stay at home mom for 15 years.
Any advice I could sure use some. Thanks confused
Edited 12/5/2006 4:17 pm ET by momgoingmad

You are in an abusive marriage with a BULLY and your boys are getting the wrong kind of education in how relationship work and how men treat women.
I recomment you post on the Domestic Abuse Support board here at iVillage.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting
And keep this number 1-800-977-SAFE for future reference.
Carrie
I understand your feelings about marriage being a lifetime commitment but when I hear the way your husband treats you there is no way I would stay with him--no one deserves to be treated with so much disrespect. Marriage is suppossed to be a healthy, happy, partnership based on mutual respect.
I know you are worried about what your boys may think, that they are proud that their parents never divorced, but something you need to think about: If you stay in this marriage do you really want your sons to think this is what marriage should be--treating your wife with disrespect and disrespecting women in general? Is their anyone in your family you could move in with until you get back on your feet? Parents? Siblings? Friends?
Also, look into what whether or not you need to update your cosmetology certificate. Maybe in the meantime you can get a job in a salon as a receptionist or assistant. Maybe even a position in retail sales is a start.
I hope this is a start for you.
Please, please, there is help out there..... And depending on your state there is spousal support for women who always stayed home for the children. Do some volunteer work, there is always great people working as volunteers that can be a great support and can open other doors for you.
Will your husband consider family and marriage counselors?
Prayer are with you. God Bless!
So sorry to hear your story.
I'm sure the others have said very helpful things so I wanted to add my 2c. In addition to protecting yourself and your kids (#1 priority), I'd make #2 priority your education and work situation. You need independence and the freedom it provides no matter HOW you get it.
If you can have a talk with your kids and explain that you will need to do this and how it might impact them, that will help them understand if it takes time away from them. But you need to do this for yourself and ASAP. You will then be in a position to be free and independent.
My mom was left by my dad when my sister and I were in high school. She worked only part time, but we were able to get by, even though we were very poor for a while. Since then I made it my goal to be financially independent, and I have been able to do that. I don't have kids yet (or a husband) but at least I have met my main goal.
Incidentally, my sister and I are ok. We were traumatized from the divorce, but it's hard to tell really if we were traumatized from that or from my father's emotionally abusive behavior before then. In any case, we are both working professionals and successful.
It sounds like you may need some counseling on how to do this without escalating your husband's anger.
Good luck and I wish you the best.