My drama of this weekend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2006
My drama of this weekend...
2
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:56am

Hello all...Sorry to keep hogging the board, I just can't seem to get through this. The urge to post/read/get feedback gets really powerful sometimes...

An update: It's been one month today. One month since man I thought was the love of my life, my best friend, decided to try his luck elsewhere. We have had virtually no contact, and though our paths frequently cross (we have 2 classes together at our college) we just pretend as if the other doesn't exist. Which is incredibly painful, but anyway...

I got a pity invite from a co-worker last week who, seeing me in my pathetic state, insisted that I come out with her and her family for a "day of fun." The words of my therapist, my friends, and countless self-help books boomed in my mind: You MUST get out of the house, as often as possible. Though I still don't feel like being social, I accepted. I spent all of yesterday with her, her husband, and their 2-year-old daughter. And it was ANYTHING BUT a thereupetic experience. I didn't anticipate being JEALOUS of their extremely loving, seemingly perfect marriage that I thought I'd have within a year or two. Isn't that terrible? I know it's wrong, I just can't help it. Anyway...

Reminders of my X were EVERYWHERE. I feel like I'm going nuts. All of a sudden, hopelessly-in-love couples are everywhere, almost taunting me. Every damn song that comes on the radio is associated with him. The books on display in the bookstore are by his favorite authors. I hear a mom yelling at her child, whose name happens to be the name of my X...He is from another country, and all of a sudden, I hear people speaking his native language, see his country on the news...IT'S INSANE, I know it is. I feel like I obsess everywhere I go. If I stay in, I obsessess. If I go out, I obssess. It's been a month. Will it ever end?

Also trying to cope with the idea that he's back on the market. I don't want another woman to have him. He should be with me. The thought of him making love to someone else makes my stomach turn. I try to distract myself, not to torture myself with these thoughts...they come anyway. I'm a prisoner in my mind.

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 10:34am

I think anyone who's been through a breakup has been through what you're going through. I know you won't believe it'll get easier, but it's only been a month and you were in a very serious relationship. Yes, the worst thing to see when you're going through this are happy couples, happy families. And at this point I'm sure it's impossible to believe you'll ever get through this and find love again, but you will. Just because it didn't work out with this guy doesn't mean you will never be part of a happy couple. And someday you'll look back on this and be SO grateful it happened because if it hadn't, you would never have met whatever fantastic man-of-your-dreams is waiting out there. There's only one person I've known in my life who took a long time to recover from his breakup. It was FOUR YEARS that he mourned the demise of a six-month relationship. Why? Because he refused to move on. He wallowed in his misery, refusing to open his heart to another woman because he was sure she would hurt him too. He's just now met someone he's serious about and it looks like he's finally over this other girl but I will swear to the day I die that he took so long to get over the first girl because he CHOSE to. If you will just make the effort of getting dressed up, going out into the world every day, try not to think about him, eventually you'll find that you're getting over him. You can drag your pain out over the next 20 years, become an old woman with a bunch of cats who never got over some guy you dated when you were young, or you can take all this pain full-force, stare into the face of it and declare battle, and find yourself growing stronger with every single day. It's up to you. Mind over matter. You CAN force yourself not to obsess over him. Just, every time you find yourself thinking about it, focus on the future. Focus on the great life that's just waiting out there for you once you get through your pain.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 12:44pm

Lizzygirl,
Try not to beat yourself up to bad. It has only been a month and when someone has become entrenched in your life, it is hard to let them go. But you have to start thinking about yourself. What is going to make you feel better? What can you do that won't remind you of him? Do you have a good support system of friends?

I agree with Steffie's reply that only once you decide that you want to get past this are you going to be able to. I myself am suffering from a broken heart right now, but I know that in the end I deserve someone who is going to love me and give me the things I need and would never doubt their feelings for me and you deserve that as well.

Going out with a married couple and their kid, although the sentiment was nice, is not the smartest thing to do. Try to find some girl friends and do something extra girly you would never do with your guy, even if it is just sitting around watching a girly movie.