My email to him & His reply

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
My email to him & His reply
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 6:07pm

This is what I think... Because I can't make any sense to this still... I think you wanted to f**k me so bad in the beginning and fell in love with the way I f**k.. like *** said you were pu**y whipped....
Then told me it's so easy to fall in love with me.. (did you say that to Tracy too)?
How can you lie to me like that? Then I thought I was learning about love and everything that came along with it. How can you make me believe something when it really DOESN'T exist. I feel like such a fool to believe you really loved me. You turned your back on me and left me in the cold.
Then who knows when your feelings started to change for me.. and didn't have the decency to tell me and made believe everything was ok even though we were trying to work out our issues.. That's why I'm having such a hard time still.. how can we be cuddling up to each other, holding each other, making pretend everything is gonna be ok, to the next week you're f**king someone else.. I DON'T GET IT!!!! You hurt me so much.. I knew in the beg. I didn't want to get hurt!! And you just stabbed me in the back.
Then who knows when you started to talk with Tracy.. That whole thing is so fishy to me that I still don't believe you. Of course I'm not gonna believe you, you lied to me before to "savor my feelings".
You probably talk with her on the phone also..
It would be easier to go on if I knew exactly what happened. I don't want to go on with my life wondering what the f**k... I just want some understanding of the word love.. of you.. of us.. of everything that happened with us... I want to know....................
I want to let go and be free.. when I have the next relationship(long time from now).. I want to explain to them what happened.. but I can't........

HIS REPLY:

Ok first, here's a reply, second don't contact me for two weeks.

We'll never have sex again. That's it. You're email was bulls**t because I never used you for sex. I wouldnt have had to lie to you because I was f**king you anyway. I could have kept right on fu**ing you. The sex was great but I got attached and couldn't help myself. I was falling in love with you. Until everything I thought we had came crashing down around me. It didn't all happen at once, the foundations just tumbled down once in a while until there was nothing left to stand on. So I thought we should be friends, take things slow and try to rebuild what we had. That's not going to happen. You go back and forth now more than ever. I never stabbed you in the back. You hid the fact you had ****** from me, you hid the ebay s**t from me who knows what else you're hiding? Yet you say that I stabbed you in the back. I've already admitted I lied to you about sleeping with Tracy, so crucify me for one big mistake. Whatever.

I never turned my back on you and left you in the cold, I've always told you I wanted to be friends with you, whenever you called me I answered the phone, and when i could I talked with you. I gave you what support I could, I encouraged you to keep improving yourself. You said yourself that it was me who made you want to start improving your self-esteem and that I made you realize you were worth loving so f**k you if you wanna say you were a fool to love me. To me that sounds like one of the best things someone can do for another person. I did it for myself and I'm eternally grateful that I did. I'll also be eternally grateful to the people who helped me along the way.

And when I lied I said I was trying to save your feelings not savor them.

You need to talk to your therapist about gettin some extra time.

Thats about it, I'm done writing this email. I wont be reading any emails or any texts for 2 weeks. Hopefully by then s**t will have calmed down.......................

I still can't take the pain.. God I wish I had a simple life....I wish I could be just friends, but it's so hard when I still have feelings.. I still want us to start over and rebuild again.. why is this hard? Sorry for being long.. I need a lot of help.. See he is a great guy.. that's why it's so hard to let go.
Help me someone.. What is your opinion...




Edited 9/9/2005 6:11 pm ET ET by skittlesrock
Gina