my fiance just broke up with me ... help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
my fiance just broke up with me ... help
3
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 9:12pm

Hey all,

I've been reading the board for about a month or so now because it seems like people really help each other and give some good advice here.

I'll try to keep this short...

Last monday, my fiance broke up with me. We were together for a year and a half, lived together for a year, and engaged since christmas. We did fight a lot, especially lately. But we also really loved each other. I'm starting to realize that it was for the best, and he actually did me a favor. He was controlling and always needed the upper hand, and I actually loved him so much that I began to give it to him. I would apologize when not necessary, beg him to talk to me since he held grudges after a fight for way too long, and he would leave the house in the middle of the night and stay with a friend over any small tiff. He never wanted to talk anything out, he always ran away from all problems. He comes from a bad family life and I even began to think that he was depressive at one point. As good as things were, when they were bad, they were very bad. He was too unreliable to marry, and I've come to realize that in the past week or so.

The problem is, as im sure it is for everyone, I still feel like absolute CRAP! I still sit around and wonder if i could have just put up with it or maybe could have cut him more slack. I've been filling my days trying to work and go out as much as possible just to take my mind off of everything. Problem is, whenever I'm alone (in bed, in the car, etc), i cant help but cry or try to hold back from crying. I guess maybe I just miss the good times and having him sleeping next to me in bed, but whatever it is, wow am I grieving.

How do you get over a heartbreak? How do you go from eating dinner together and sleeping together and him being your first phone call...to being alone? I am so heartbroken and would love some advice and anything else possible from people who have been through this. Maybe it's just nice to know you aren't alone in what you are going through. Thanks for taking the time to help girls.

Also, saw this quote that miish75 posted......wanted to keep it going.....

If you learn from your suffering, and really come to
understand the lesson you were taught,
you might be able to help someone else
who's now in the phase you may have just completed.
Maybe that's what it's all about after all...
-Anonymous-

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 10:09pm

Hi nycgal22 and welcome to the board,


Sorry you are going through this. Everything you feel is normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 2:22am
Something similar happened to me about a month ago. we were together a year, planning to move in later this year, engaged since january. i've used the time to look at what was wrong in the relationship - he too was from a very unhealthy background, and i had some doubts about whether it was right for me (he had two teenage kids, wasn't keen on having anymore). in a lot of ways, i can see he's done me a huge favour too. but it still hurts like hell!! we had some great times together, but remembering his nasty dark side really helps (whenever i think of the good stuff). i just have talked until the cows come home, and have so much support from family and friends, so do that - talk about it as much as you can, let it all out. i also realised i was in a bit of a rut, and so am making some really positive decisions about what i'd like to do next, like more study and going on a holiday. i think getting away from things that remind you of him is a good step too. a lot of this is about getting your power and self-worth back, so get strong within yourself, don't worry about what he's doing - i have to work in the same building as my ex, so we bump into each other, but i'm just ignoring him now and that feels good! i just say to myself, he's just lost the best thing that's ever come into his life and he will live to regret it someday!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:35pm

I am new to the board so you don't have to listen to my advice. I have been in a relationship that sounded a lot like yours. It has been over year now and all I can say is hang in there. At first you feel bad because you put so much of yourself into the relationship. This is the time to remember your self worth. A relationship does not make or break you. Once I finally began to love myself again I met a wonderful man. One who I don't fight with. You need to give yourself time to heal and know that you deserve better. Now that I look back at my situation I am glad things worked out the way they did. I am a lot happier now. I won't lie there were many sleepless night and a lot of tears. Write it down in a journal and then read it a few months later. You will be amazed my how much you grow and learn.

I hope this helps.