My First Love wants to go on a break
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My First Love wants to go on a break
| Fri, 03-11-2005 - 4:44pm |
My first love and I have been together since we were 17, we're now 20. We've both never loved anyone else nor slept with anyone else. He says in order for our relationship to survive we need to see other people to determine if we're meant to be together. I understand his logic, but it hurts so bad. Whats the likelihood we'll get back together? I know people who have went on breaks before, and I say the chances are slim.
Nothing (except for this problem)is wrong with our relationship. We still are madly in love with one another, etc. Do we go on a break now and risk it being over for good, or do we stay together and ride it out until the spark dies?
Nothing (except for this problem)is wrong with our relationship. We still are madly in love with one another, etc. Do we go on a break now and risk it being over for good, or do we stay together and ride it out until the spark dies?

Please don't get offended, this is for your bennifit.
"He says in order for our relationship to survive we need to see other people to determine if we're meant to be together. I understand his logic"
There is nothing logical about that. There is no logic in thinking you must go see if there's something better out there before settling with what you had in the first place.
"Nothing (except for this problem)is wrong with our relationship"
Except for that pesky problem of him wanting to date other girls in hopes of finding one better than you. That's a BIG something wrong with your relationship.
"We still are madly in love with one another, etc"
Are you sure it's "we"?! YOU might still be madly in love, but if he's so madly in love, how can he even fathom suggesting seperating from you? That's not what people madly in love do. Madly in love would chew their arm off to be together, not apart.
"Do we go on a break now and risk it being over for good, or do we stay together and ride it out until the spark dies?"
Doesn't sound like he's giving you much of a choice about that. Did I miss something? Did he say he wouldn't go on this break if you weren't comfortable with it? You've really got to question why you want to be with someone who believes he needs to see if there is someone better for him than you are. Yes, it is possible for couples to take a break and then get back together to live happily ever after. That is the exception, not the rule.
Thanks for your advice, any I can get is appreciated.
However, he says he doesnt want to date people and build an emotional connection with them, he just wants to sleep with them - no strings attached, and then come back to me.
Thus, the fact he would jeopordize our relationship for a lay? That hurts me.
He says we're perfect for one another, but he's getting "stir-crazy" and needs to "spread his wings" but wont go on a break if it means we wont get back together.I say how can you promise we'll get back together? People grow and experience new things. Its a catch-22.
Um...look. Your man is trying to break up with you and is doing it in a really (!!!) chickensh*t kind of way. He "doesn't want to form an emotional bond he just wants to sleep with them"???? That says: I don't want the responsibility of emotional attachment to ANYONE right now (including you) and I just want to go be a single college guy and have lots of sex with lots of women...but I wouldn't mind keeping you in the wings, waiting and chaste for me, "just in case."
If you don't go "on the break" (ie: let him break up with you) then he's just going to resent you and grow distant, ugly, and perhaps cheat on you because you're tying him down and basically try to FORCE you to break up with him.
I'm sorry to say, there is NO solution here that is going to make you happy. The BEST thing that you can do is take stock of the brutal truth (that he wants OUT) and let him go...DO NOT become his "just in case" girl (which means DO NOT WAIT FOR HIM) or let yourself get bogged down in a toxic relationship just for a few more weeks of time with him during which you'll have to pretend to yourself that he really does want to be with you--which, no, he doesn't. Be strong.