My friends think I should contact him

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
My friends think I should contact him
8
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 2:25pm

Along with this website, I still talk to my friends from time to time about how I am doing. I'm honest, but try to put a positive spin on things. Like, they asked me about my holidays and I would say something like, pretty relaxing and mellow, sometimes hard, but I think the worst is finally past me.


They ask about the ex and are actually surprised we still haven't talked. If I get into detail I mention that it's still very, very painful and I think about him all the time, even though it's been three months. I mention that the urge to contact is very present and I practically have to sit on my hands to not do anything.


Most of my friends who I say this to are surprised that we haven't talked. They ask me what the harm is in just dropping a line to wish him a happy new year. It's getting harder and harder to come up with a good reason why it would be a major setback to do even that! So I need words of encouragement that I'm still doing the right thing! Right?


Will there EVER be an OK time to send a, "hey, what's up?" email?

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 2:52pm

Hmm...I guess I'm confused as to why they think contact would be a *good* idea

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:02pm

I'm curious--have any of your friends gone through a breakup recently?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:03pm

Hi mdrsfr -

I've been in your situation also. Where my friends are totally surprised that I hadn't talked to my ex since we broke up. I feel like the only people that know about the concept of NC are the ones on this board. lol

So when my friends would ask if I've talked to him, I would say NOOOOO. Cause I couldn't think of it any other way. He chose not to be with me therefore why should I call him???
I knew that contacting him would make me feel horrible after so why would I subject myself to him?

Plus... again, why should I call someone who rejected me???

Anyway, so if they're surprised, just keep in mind that you aren't contacting him because it is bad for you. It's like that yummy burrito that looks so good and will probably taste so amazing.. but will give you the runs and make you feel like crap afterward. So when you look at that burrito, you think, hmm appealing.. BUT NOT. I'd rather eat a carrot.

So I say, YOU GO GIRL! And stick with no contact!! You ARE doing the right thing. NEVER think otherwise.

:)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:22pm

Oh, I know what you mean about rebelling--but yeah, you are the one who would be hurt by doing so.


I've been having the same thoughts about my ex and how lovely things were in the beginning--of course our relationship was much shorter than yours but yes, it's normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:24pm

Anyway, so if they're surprised, just keep in mind that you aren't contacting him because it is bad for you. It's like that yummy burrito that looks so good and will probably taste so amazing.. but will give you the runs and make you feel like crap afterward. So when you look at that burrito, you think, hmm appealing.. BUT NOT. I'd rather eat a carrot.


ha ha! that made me laugh!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:28pm

Do you have something similar that would work to remind you of the not so good times?


oh god, what DON'T i have that isn't post breakup grief work related!? :) ha ha! Man I hope he's miserable! I hope he's really, really, really, really miserable without me! :) I'm so pissed (at this moment) that he gave us such an awesome thing! grrrr!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:44pm

Northwestwanderer,

Your post just reminded me what i need to do when i start to think about contacting him.
It's been 5 weeks and I am starting to feel better. I have been really good about taking care of myself, crying, nurturing and all that good stuff.
And now, I am feeling better and i am thinking, "Maybe, it's time. Maybe I just needed to heal myself and get myself together and we can try again. Maybe we can get back together."

But, as you said, it is important to remember the pain. I also rememeber so many lonely nights, crying in my apartmet, feeling like he wasn't around and not feeling comfortable calling him to tell him how i felt, becuase he had told me to basically "shape up or he would ship out."

Good reminder.

Stay No Contact and don't listen to your friends! If NC is working for you then keep it up, stay the course and get to the other side. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:59pm
I think that may be the key as to why my friends suggested it, because is NC really working? Who knows? I feel just as sad as ever and they hear this when they ask about him, so I guess they were suggesting the alternative. I really don't know if NC is working because I don't know what it would be like to contact him...I can only base my decision on previous relationships. So the, "is this working" question...man that's interesting!