My girlfriend dumped me and I'm ruined

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
My girlfriend dumped me and I'm ruined
3
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 2:44pm

My girlfriend of 1.5 years dumped me. It's been a month but I still cry everyday. I miss her so much. She said she hadn't been happy for a long time, yet we had so many good times. We lived together, and probably moved int together too soon. That probably hurt our relationship. She says she needs space and wants to see other people and is conflicted. When I was moving out she promised to help me move and she flaked on me. Then, I, being the fool in love that I am, took a half day off work to help her move and stayed up until 12 am helping her assemble her IKEA bed. She promised me we could spend the next day together but then she lied to me, telling me that she had to work late, and instead went partying with her friends for Cinco de Mayo. Anyway, the point is I'm a wreck. I want her back so badly. She continues to contact me when it is convenient for her. She wants to see me when it is convenient for her. I know what she is doing. She is using me as a crutch to get her through until her next relationship. I have seen her do it before. I don't know how to get over her. I don't know how not to call her. I did well for a couple of days but then this morning felt overwhelmed with grief and I broke down and called her. She was annoyed because she was at a hotel in L.A. where she had been partying with her girlfriends (she went there to visit a girlfriend that moved).

How do I get over her? How do I get her out of my mind? How do I summon the strength to not call her? How do I convince myself that I will meet somebody as intelligent and attractive as her? How do I let her go? How do I stop grieving? How do I cope with this loneliness that I'm feeling inside? How do I deal with the emptiness? How do I say no when she wants to see me even though I want to see her so badly? Can I win her back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 4:23pm
Okay... its going to be really hard. And you will probably slip up and call her and probably cry some more. Honestly, WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE. Heck, its been almost three months since Ive seen my exe and I still have days where I miss him. And sometimes I still cry (very rarely), but it happens. I also struggle with the whole finding someone as good as him. Someone who broke up with me on AIM and ignored me for three weeks and didn't even have the guts to break up with me until I asked. Someone who wasn't there for me when I needed him the most. Someone who expected me to move to St. Louis with hima nd give up my dream of going to medical school, because he REFUSED to consider moving anywhere remotely close to where we could do a reasonable long distance relationship. Someone who told me it "wasn't worth it." Wow, he sounds great doesnt he? But yes I still do miss him and the GOOD times. I can't deny that. BUT i also know that there is someone out there better. YEs, I loved him... BUT I will not compromise myself and my dreams for someone who wouldn't compromise for me. So I want you to start thinking about how she's treating you. How she is only doing things when its convenient for her. Don't allow her to use you as a crutch. Kick her feet out from underneath her and show her you arent going to take it. And start moving on, because fromt he way it sounds... she is moving on. She doesnt want a relationship with you and there is nothing you can do or say to make her think otherwise. You will greive for awhile. But stand your ground. When you feel the need to call her, go do something else. Get involved in other things. Join a gym. DO SOMETHING. The lonliness.. I still deal with that too, but then I realize, I was fine before him so Ill be fine after him. I have amazing friends and family so I really call him and see them allthe time. So when that lonliness factor creeps in... I call someone. Eventually, with time, you will let go. But time is the only thing that heals that. The feelings will dull and you'll think about her less and less and even start seeing other people. But you have got to allow yourself to move on. SO do no contact for 60 days. At the end of that sixty days, if you still have feelings for her, do it for another 60... until you no longer feel the same way. You two eventually might be friends, but its over for her. So make it over for you too. Be strong and realize that this is for the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 4:59pm
Sage advice Lindsey. It's extremely hard for me to accept that it's over for her. I so don't want it to be over. I had ideas and aspirations of marriage. Now I have to pick up all the pieces, put myself back together again, and waste six months of my life trying to get normal again. I'm 29 and I worry that age is creeping up on me. At my age I'll never find the right person for me. My logical side says that's ridiculous because I'm only 29. My emotional side tells me that I'm going to be fat and single at 36. I'm going to be a single, 36 year old attorney with nothing to show for my life. No rock to help me through and to lean on me. Nobody to cook for. It's so depressing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 6:17pm
Hey, we all go through that feeling at first. Even at the age of 24, I still worry about finding someone. I feel like im never going ot find that person. I know Im still young, but sometimes it doesnt feel like it. I know its hard for you to accept, but picking up the pieces isn't an option. You HAVE to do it. It takes awhile to get over that fresh heart break. The loneliness, the lack of self-confidence, the thought that you'll never find someone... Only time helps you do that, but that six monthes of getting back to normal might be good for you. Because when you find that person, you want to be ready for it. Everyone (with the exception of a few) goes through those few failed relationships before they find that person they are supposed to be with. Just be glad you figured it out now and not after 5 years of marriage. And to sit there and say you have nothing ot show for it... You have an excellent education. Thats an accomplishment. Im sure there are a ton of other things that are accomplishments. So start filling your life with other things. Volunteer, run a marathon... A relationship isnt the only thing that can show you that you did something with your life. If thats the way you think, then you need to open up your eyes. A relationship shouldnt make you or define you.. it should be one of the many, many things in your life that you happen to have and enjoy. So be strong and continue to move on. Everytime you think these thoughts, think about all the things that were bad about the relationship and tell yourself that you deserve better. Easier said than done. Also, continue to tell yourself that its over and she doesn't want a relationship with you. It stings at first, but accepting that fact is another step to getting on with your life.