My heart is bleeding...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
My heart is bleeding...
3
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 12:40pm

Hello,
I know you all have read stories like mine thousands of times but I'm going to write something down, in hope that it will help ease the pain I'm feeling :-( :-( :-(

I met this wonderful man a little more than 2 months ago and fell hard for him (and he for me, or so he claims). I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years right after I met this one because I felt that it is wrong to be in one relationship and yet to have feelings toward another man. I've gone through hell the last 2 months dealing with family members and friends who are angry at me for abruptly ending my 3-year relationship with such a wonderful boyfriend, but that's nothing compared to what's going on now...

Since the first time we spoke, he (the new guy) told me he was going through a divorce with his wife (and btw, he has 3 beautiful daughters). I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved at all, but the chemistry between us was too strong to resist. Long story short, since day one, I've urged him to give his wife another chance and to work things out with her for the kids' sake. He says he's no longer in love with her (and never been) but finally the father part of him takes over and we decide that it's best for the kids if he goes back and tries to work things out with her one more time... We've been brutally honest with each other since the beginning, so this is not like a shock to me. BUT (yes, that big BUT) I just can't seem to get over the pain and the mourning of not being able to be with the man I love so much... The sad thing is that there was nothing bad between us for me to even think about in order to put this short-lived affair to rest... We are so compatible in all levels: physically, intellectually, and emotionally... I've never felt this strongly about a man before (and yes, even my 3-year boyfriend, almost fiance)... And the worst part is that he says he loves me so much as well, and if it weren't because of the kids, he would have been with me already... It is very painful seeing him being torn between his personal feelings and his responsibilities with the kids (and that's why I told him to go back)... He says regardless of what happens, he will always love me...

I guess I just need someone to slap me in the face and tell me something bad about him so that I can just move on... Our final conversation was on Wednesday night and I have been obssessively staring at the phone, waiting for that ring that I knew would never come (or shouldn't come)... I know we're doing the right thing, but oh Lord, it is sooo hard to let go...

Thanks all for listening...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 1:17pm

I'm so sorry you're hurting ... we've all been there and know just how you're feeling.


It seems as though you've been through a lot in the last few months ... falling for someone, and ending a long term relationship.

-----------------------------------

"You get what you settle for"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 6:37pm
Thank you for your thoughts and advice. I cried when I first read the first paragraph of that poem you posted (did you write it yourself?). Thanks for posting it!
I will try to think of him as a "Reason" instead of a "Soulmate." It's ironic how I actually used that concept for him and failed to use it for me. When we decided to part ways, I told him perhaps through this ordeal, he and his wife will come back together stronger than before, but I just hate the fact that I'm the one who helps them achieve it, because it hurts me so badly...
Anyway, thanks again and I hope this will be over soon...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 11:21pm
First of all I can see you being the bigger person by giving him advice on staying with his wife. I must say from experience that a married man will make things seem bad to the other woman. If he was to tell you that everything was all roses with him and his wife, would there be anything between the two of you? Staying in a relationship for the sake of your kids never work out. There has to be more to the story! Just remember you will find true love and if he is meant for you he will come back to you! Just give it a little time, so he can get his life together. Stay strong.