My heart hurts.
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My heart hurts.
| Mon, 06-18-2007 - 10:09am |
The love of my life left me a couple weeks ago. I go from one minute being okay and then I am a crying mess the next. I keep waiting for it to get better, for him to come back to me, but it doesn't and neither does he.
How am I supposed to go on? I am waiting around when I know I need to let go. I am doing everything I know to move on, running, leaning on my friends for support, and still it's harder than I can bear.
I know I'm not the only one who's had their heart broken but right now it's hard to even breathe.

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I can't even remember the last time I have more than 5 hours of sleep, I look like hell and it's hard to put on a happy face when you come to work and have to say you're fine when you're really not.
Hang in there and with time the pain will slowly go away and you can get back to your old self again.
My boyfriend broke up with me about 8 weeks ago, and I know exactly how you feel, I was devastated, couldn't eat or sleep, and couldn't imagine ever feeling better. I still have days where I cry and miss him and the memories come flooding back, but generally from day to day it gets easier and you can distract yourself with friends and work. It's a slow process, and you find yourself wishing that you could fast forward a couple of months, but slowly it does get better. I know you won't believe it now, but honestly, you have to believe me when I say it does fade, I promise you!
Em xx
Holly2702, that last post from Lindseyloo was right on and I couldn't have said it better myself. My bf broke up with me three weeks ago today and today was the first day I didn't cry. I have gone through all of the emotions that you are. Writing down the things I don't miss about our relationship was a great thing to do. I read it over every time I get sad and nostalgic (which is often) and it empowers me. And the book is great, too - I highly recommend it. You will survive, look it's happened to so many of us. I would have stayed with my ex forever if he didn't end it. But he did and it will make me stronger and I am determined to find someone special again. I have no interest in being friends with by ex because friends don't break your heart.
Good luck with the healing process. You will be okay.
Its been 4 months for me. Its not easier. I'm not stronger, I'm not happier. I still cry uncontrolably. I dont' call him, he calls me once in a while, I do talk to him. I did NC for 38 days, it helped but mostly all it did was make me sit and wonder where he was, what he was doing, and who was he doing it with, was he thinking of me, did I care? I can get through the day now and fake the happiness. I've been asked out on 2 dates in one week so apparantly my misery isn't makeing me unattractive which I find strange because I know I'm not myself.
Its not all doom and gloom though because although I do believe that I was meant to be with this man and I do believe he is making the biggest mistake of his life, and I do believe that he will wake up and realize what he'd doing...I also do believe that it could take him another 50 years before he comes to that conclusion and I don't want to wait and possibly be disappointed again. I don't want him to have to break my heart again because it broke his the first time he broke mine. I just want him to be happy and I only want the best for him. I'll have to stand aside and be miserable for as long as it takes.
Are we kidding ourselves?
Well...that's kind of the question before the court. Its a paradox. The proverbial rock and hard place. If we move on will you forgive yourself for not trying hard enough, if you keep trying are you just prolonging the pain. If it works out you'll know it was worth it, if it doesn't work out you'll be in for a world of hurt. If we knew we wouldnt' be here.
Mostly the best advice I've gotten was from my aunt and I've said it on here before and I'll say it to you: You will know when you've had enough.
My college roommate and I went to lunch this weekend and we had one of those really long talks that we haven't had since we were in college (about 7 years ago). We've lost touch for most of those years for various reasons. I still consider to be the person who knows me better than anyone in the world. She lived with me in a 15 sq ft room for 4 years. We always got along, she was my best friend she knew everything about me. She is now a psychologist. When we were talking I said that I wish I just say "forget it, screw you, I'm done. but I can't. I love him. I know he was the person I was meant to be with." She sighed and started to say something and I interjected and said "I know, I know, I can't say that I will meet someone else and I deserve better than this. I know everyone tells me." and she said "That's not what I was going to say and sometimes people need to shut their mouths". Then she went on to say that he might be the person that I'm supposed to be with and its terrible that we aren't together. She dosen't have the answers for me.
It really made me feel good, in a painful way. Because for once no one was telling me to get beck on the horse and no one was telling me he was jerk and no one was telling me to fight for him and no one was telling me to fight for him or try harder or anything. She was just understanding of how I was feelind and recognized that there is no easy clear cut answer to the situation I'm in.
so for you....no one knows your situation except you and him. I can't tell you you are kidding yourself, I can't tell you you aren't kidding yourself. You just need to recognize that there aren't really any answers at this point and that you will know when you've had enough. If you'd like to talk more, feel free to e-mail me.
I'll have to stand aside and be miserable for as long as it takes.
It makes me
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