My heart hurts.
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My heart hurts.
| Mon, 06-18-2007 - 10:09am |
The love of my life left me a couple weeks ago. I go from one minute being okay and then I am a crying mess the next. I keep waiting for it to get better, for him to come back to me, but it doesn't and neither does he.
How am I supposed to go on? I am waiting around when I know I need to let go. I am doing everything I know to move on, running, leaning on my friends for support, and still it's harder than I can bear.
I know I'm not the only one who's had their heart broken but right now it's hard to even breathe.

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Thanks! I like your post and I agree with it.
My ex dumped me over 4 months ago...at first, I was upset, crying, and couldn't deal with it. She, on the other hand, was sure that she was doing the right thing.
I really thought she would get over it first, and I would be miserable. Well, 4 months later, and it seems like she is still miserable, and I am feeling great, for the most part. I still love her, miss her, and wish I was with her, but, I know that, whatever happens happens. I am not going to search for false hope that we will be together again. I would like it to be, but then again, who is to say she won't just do this again, some time later?
I am in contact with her, from time to time because, are kids became like sisters when we were together, and they still keep in touch, almost every day.
I dropped off my daughter at her house last night, and spoke with my ex briefly, and it seems she still has issues. I pretty much feel, my life, right now is great, and if we get back together, or not, it doesn't matter much. I have a great life right now, great neighbors, and I am doing stuff for me. My ex is seeing that. Last night, she complained about her money issues...I didn't know what to say so I said I couldn't really talk about that, but I wished her well. Her money issues are because she broke up with me, and asked me to move out, leaving her with a huge mortgage to pay for. I didn't say this, but if she didn't break up with me, she wouldn't be having money issues.
Don't wait for him to get back with you. Live your life as best as you can, and do things that you like to do. If it was meant to be, then he will come back. In the meantime, you get your life back on track and live life as if you are the only one that matters, not him.
Good luck.
Rob
Holly, and the rest of you gals. It is just pure torture I'm telling you. I have just recently been let go, officially it was just 2 days ago. I suggested time apart because he was giving me not one ounce of effort and sacrifice that I've given. So day after day about a week of telling him "if you were into me this is what you would of been doing" stuff. After that, I guess he finally realized that he wasn't ready, and that he hasn't really been giving 100%. I saw it coming and I was just a sucker for thinking it could get better or that he can change. No way!
It hurts thinking of all the good times and realizing its really over. I know we tell ourselves "no it can't be over because he said this and that in the past, and that I know he meant it". All of his sweet nothings were just really nothing sweet and it's soo hard to accept that. I work with my ex and it's difficult to function and pretend everything is ok. I'm trying my best just to focus and erase all our memories because that's whats killing me.
What I hate most is that he doesn't want things to be completely over, just remain as friends and see where things go. He claims I want a full blown relationship and he's just not ready for it and he feels bad for me waiting in the wings, wants to take things slow. He's not ready to commit, but yet he still wants some sort of contact? Bad idea right? That just totally aggravates me. I know what to do and think already but my emotions just can't help but get in the way and be optimistic. HELP ME GIRLS
It is not that I am not willing to move on or that I'm comfortable in my sadness. Its the fact that everyone says "do this, do that, love yourself, blah blah blah". Its not that I don't. I have a very healthy self awareness and self esteem and that is something that the councilor told me when I went to him. Its the feelings of love that i can't get over. I literally feel like I lost a limb. Like I have a huge hole in the middle of me. And it doesn't help to have people tell me that after 4 months I should be moved on because I feel like there is something wrong with me like I'm a weak willed person who is dependant on someone else. I'm not. I never have been.
I can't really explain to anyone what I'm feeling or the type of person I am or what I'm going through. I'm mostly tired of people saying "just find someone new" "just don't be sad anymore" I'm trying! I don't know what to do anymore! Its not that easy and two people in my life told me its ok to be sad and for some reason that's supposed to be wrong? One of those people is a professional psychologist who's known me better than anyone and she said its ok to be sad. Its not that I want to be sad Its not that I want to be not over this. But I'm putting more pressure on myself to be ok that's its making me worse.
Oh and one more thing. I've done NC. I'm doing it again. Because that's what I "should" be doing.
It IS ok to be sad, it's a necessary part of the grieving process. I can't remember how long you were with your ex but unless it was under a year, then 4 months isn't enough time to get over him, so there is definitely not anything wrong with you. However, if you're in contact with your ex, then NO amount of time will be enough--you restart the recovery period every time you talk to him. I'm glad to hear you've started no contact again--that's a necessary part of the process also. And you'll probably get sadder the longer you do no contact as it sinks in that it's really, truly over--but eventually, that will turn around and you'll start to come out on the other side. My mantra whenever I go through a breakup is "the only way out is through" and that's so, so true.
Anyway--focus on no contact for the time being and hang in there.
Sheri
Well, it's up to you to make a decision that you are ready to move on and then do whatever you have to in order to implement that decision.
If that means changing your number so he can't call or text you, then that's what you do.
If that means not speaking to him at work except for what's absolutely necessary in order to do your job, then that's what you do.
It won't be easy by any means--but the alternative is to be stuck in this painful limbo.
Sheri
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