my heart won't listen to my brain

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
my heart won't listen to my brain
2
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:10am

My first boyfriend of over a year broke up with me last June. It has been about 5 months and I still think about him everyday. I still imagine us being intimate together and sometimes I'll even say "I miss you" outloud. I feel like I'm going crazy. I know it's hard to get over your first love, but since he's my first love I have no past experiences to compare this one to so I don't know how long it takes to get over someone. Sometimes I'll reason with myself and tell myself maybe things are better this way, but my heart always overpowers what my brain tells me. I can't turn my love off, and I can't help but want him back. He never did anything wrong. He was always so wonderful to me. He broke up with me mainly because we both had to go away to separate colleges and because he thought a long distance relationship wouldn't work. But he said if things didn't have to be this way he'd have no doubts we would be together. He said he was just doing what he thought would be best for both of us. He follows the NC rule because he says talking to me or seeing me makes him miss me. I follow this NC rule too, but it hasn't been helping, or at least it's taking a LONG time to stop thinking about him even though we haven't talked in weeks/months.

I can't get over him because he gave me no reason to hate him. How do I get over someone who still loves(or loved) me? It seems like he only broke up with me because he thought he should, and not because he really wanted to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 5:04am
If he didn't want to break up with you then the two of you would still be together. It all boils down to him not believing enough in the relationship to commit to a long distance relationship. Does that mean he doesn't care about you - no, it just means that he knew you two wouldn't be together in the long run. The first love I must say is the toughest. It took me about 11 months to get over my first love, but it takes different people different amounts of time. So its hard to assess how long it will take you to get over him. Just know that you will, and you don't need a reason to dislike him to get over him. Its better to end things in a way where you reflect on the relationship and realize you grew and matured from it than to look back and resent it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 3:56pm

I just saw the end of my first love as well. And like you, it was not because we didn't love each other, but because he didn't see us working out in the long run. It will hurt for a long time but I do believe that if you truly love someone, then distance or differences shouldn't matter.

Except for one difference - how we feel about love. Does he believe that his love is strong enough to withstand a long distance relationship like you might? - apparently not. And then, do you want a relationship with someone who doesn't love you the same way you love them?