My heart is worn out from grieving :(
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| Wed, 02-20-2008 - 8:18pm |
I'm exhausted. My break-up was over 12 weeks ago (right after Thanksgiving) followed by 10 weeks of NC. Then I backslid and emailed him thinking enough time had passed and we could be friends. Big mistake. All the sparks were still there and we fell into bed. The few days following there was a flurry of email resulting in the realization that we were still not good for each other and NC resumed. It has been 14 days now. I am still in so much pain. I realize a lot of this fresh pain directly resulted from the events of two weeks...but I have such lingering doubts in my mind about why we are apart. We love each other but he has alcohol abuse issues and it was destroying the relationship. He is in recovery but is just starting and pretty much needs to do it on his own.
Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent. I keep telling myself that this will get better. I hope its sooner rather than later because I am so emotionally worn out. :(

I'm sorry, that's got to be tough.
2 weeks of no contact!
me too that is the word...emotionally worn out...from my 12 weeks break up...I still feel like on day 1...I just can't over it...mostly because he dissapeared 8 weeks ago without even saying goodbye...he's been ignoring me instead of officially breaking up or something...cus it never happened like that...everything just fell apart more and more...but there was never a goodbye or break up as it...he just ended up disappearing...and that was it...I can't heal or forget like this...sometimes I feel is finally over...but then I feel on ground zero again. It would have all been so much easier if he would have just told me "forget me" or "I'm not interested" ...or whetever...
Best wishes to you...sorry I wrote...but I just wrote...I think you should give him a chance if there is mutual love...and I think is good you let him recover from his problem...yes that he's gotta do on his own...but give him time...sometime is good to be apart for a while...if there was a proper break up...but in my case...I guess that is the problem .
I'm glad you wrote. :)
I'm so sorry, that is so hard. Not having any closure whatsoever sounds unbearable. I guess that's why they say you may never have the answers and to move forward with grieving anyway, as if he had simply said "its over" and walked out the door. Sucks.
I guess one good thing that came from this recent encounter was that we were both able to apologize for bad behavior in the days after the breakup. This also makes it harder though, because we were so tender and honest with each other. I know this does not make the existing problems go away. I know they would just come back and that time is needed. But damn it sucks. I am scared of hanging on too tight and not being open to new people.
I can't wait until I have 30 days of NC under my belt again. Hopefully I will start to feel better again...