My Life is Empty
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My Life is Empty
| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 1:58pm |
I'm not sure where to even begin this discussion but I let's just say that choosing men has not always been a strong point. I have been through so much for my age it is unbelievable. Then I found my boyfriend, I mean my exboyfriend now... We dated for almost a year and broke up Monday. The last 2 days have been so downright miserable for me that I have done nothing but rott.
It all started by me going away to college, but that was in August and we were fine at first. He would come down to visit me, I would come up every weekend and visit him. We learned how to be apart and still be together. Then lately he has been wanting to go to school himself, he has turned 21 and realized he isnt where he wants to be in life. I'm not sure what changed us, but after a long talk he broke up with me. Life has been hard for me lately without relationship problems. I lost any closeness to my family in the last 2 years due to rebellion and the fact that they didnt like and physically harmed my exboyfriend. In college I am struggling, almost failing out, and I dont have any friends down here. The chance to make them was seriously altered after I almost got raped a few weeks after school started. I hate where I live, which is by myself and very lonely, I hate my jobs ( I am struggling with 2 jobs and college), and the only thing I have had positive in my life up until now was my exboyfriend.
I LOVE him, he has been my best friend. Before I moved we spent everyday together, all the time. I lived with him for a while when my parents kicked me out of my house. We also work together. He was the first person I would talk to every morning and the last voice I heard before I went to bed everyday. Im so heartbroken right now that I don't even know what to do. In my head I'm plotting any little way to get us back together. I've never felt so empty in my whole life, something is missing now, and I just want it back, but I cant look desperate because then I know it will never happen.There's nothing to divert my attention from my pain.
My whole life has officially gone to hell. There is nothing that I look forward to now, I live life to get through the day, to get to the next day that I have to "get through". For me right now there is no point in even living at all. I don't know what I can do.
Any advice on how to get over this or even better how to somehow get back together with the love of my life.
It all started by me going away to college, but that was in August and we were fine at first. He would come down to visit me, I would come up every weekend and visit him. We learned how to be apart and still be together. Then lately he has been wanting to go to school himself, he has turned 21 and realized he isnt where he wants to be in life. I'm not sure what changed us, but after a long talk he broke up with me. Life has been hard for me lately without relationship problems. I lost any closeness to my family in the last 2 years due to rebellion and the fact that they didnt like and physically harmed my exboyfriend. In college I am struggling, almost failing out, and I dont have any friends down here. The chance to make them was seriously altered after I almost got raped a few weeks after school started. I hate where I live, which is by myself and very lonely, I hate my jobs ( I am struggling with 2 jobs and college), and the only thing I have had positive in my life up until now was my exboyfriend.
I LOVE him, he has been my best friend. Before I moved we spent everyday together, all the time. I lived with him for a while when my parents kicked me out of my house. We also work together. He was the first person I would talk to every morning and the last voice I heard before I went to bed everyday. Im so heartbroken right now that I don't even know what to do. In my head I'm plotting any little way to get us back together. I've never felt so empty in my whole life, something is missing now, and I just want it back, but I cant look desperate because then I know it will never happen.There's nothing to divert my attention from my pain.
My whole life has officially gone to hell. There is nothing that I look forward to now, I live life to get through the day, to get to the next day that I have to "get through". For me right now there is no point in even living at all. I don't know what I can do.
Any advice on how to get over this or even better how to somehow get back together with the love of my life.

blinkbabe678...
After reading your post twice, the only thought that came into PG's mind was that you are currently in the middle of a 'tug of war' contest. Unfortunately, you're trying pull both ends of the rope at the same time!
While I certainly can't respond like a woman---(certain portions of my anatomy are definitely different)---I think you HONESTLY need to look at reality instead of fantasy!
The man you were with and devoted your life to DOESN'T WANT TO CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP ANY LONGER! Unfortunately...deep down inside...YOU DO!
Rather than base YOUR entire future on a man who has already indicated that he can't see a future for the 2 of you...why not ask yourself the following question:
"Knowing I can't be with the man who was a strong earlier influence in my life, what other choices will make me 'kinda sorta happy?"
You aren't a prisoner! So if the college you're attending doesn't make you happy---LEAVE NOW! There are other colleges and still more opportunities. The only thing you have to do is give yourself 'permission' to move forward and explore a few of them?
Hopefully...you'll find the courage and strength to abandon what you can't have...in favor of something (or someone) that will make you happy?
Pianoguy
I think you have much bigger fish to fry than how to get back with your ex.
You are in a very difficult place emotionally. You have made your ex the source of all your good, all your support and all your happiness. That's a huge responsiblity to place on anyone's shoulders.
It's time to like yourself, like who you are and make new friends, expand your support group. But first, I have to say I agree with PG, espeically the part about if you are unhappy at that college it's time to go and with an almost rape, that's a huge EXIT SIGN from the universe in my opinion.
I hope you find the courage to make some changes that need to be made. To find yourself and heal.
Reading material to consider as well:
Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher
Mars and Venus Starting Over, John Gray
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
My best to you!
Carrie
I am so sorry to hear about your heartbreak and pain you are going through but you are so young and you have a great life a head of you even though you don't see it now. Give your ex some space right now and see what happens. In the meantime, please go out and make new friends, hang with old friends and if need be reconnect with your family. My college years were some of the best years of my life and they should also be yours. This break up is NOT the end of the world and I guarantee you will find another love and another and another before you find "the one". I am a 40 something single mom and I have been your shoes and I will tell you, that with time and no contact, you will become a stronger person and life does get better. If you feel suicidal at all, please call the local suicide hotline in your area. No man is worth your life.
Your life does feel empty now but give it some time and your life will be fullfilled just like it was before you meant your ex.
i'm so sorry for whatever you been thru...its must be hard for you...the only advise i could give you IS TO BELIEVE ON HIM(GOD)...his always there for you...so dont lose HOPE..
i'm assuming your still young so...it just mean your journey just barely started...so hold on!!!
GOD BLESS YOU & GOOD LUCK
What you wrote here sounds like some of the things I wrote in my diary right after my ex broke up with me (six weeks and counting). Like you, I felt emptiness, I hated what I was doing, I felt like the future I'd seen in my head was taken away from me along with all my happiness. Then I started feeling a little better, then worse again, then better, then worse, now better again. It's an up-and-down roller coaster ride and I know it's not done yet. There have been days when I thought to myself "What's the point of living, anymore?". I know I could never actually harm myself, but I felt like if I just crawled up in a corner and died, it wouldn't make any difference. I hope that when you say "For me right now there is no point in even living at all" that you are NOT seriously considering suicide. If you are, then you really need to talk to a helpline or a counsellor. It's only been two days since the break-up. Everyone is a mess two days after a they've been broken up with. The I-feel-like-I-could-die moments, like I said, I've had those, but they pass. Since you don't seem to have a support network of close friends and family, you should probably consider counselling in any case. What really helped me through the first days were my parents. If you don't think the relationship with your family can be fixed, you'll need support from someone else. And I mean in real life, not just on this message board. It's just not quite the same thing.
Someone told me that it helps to write an UNSENT letter to your ex and tell him everything you feel. It can be as long as you want it to be, but you ARE NOT allowed to send it. You can add to it whenever you feel like talking to him. Write down how much you love him and why, write down how he hurt you and made you cry, every little detail. It can be like a summary of the entire relationship and all your feelings, everything you never said to him but always wanted to. There's no need to hold back because no one will ever read it. I did that and it helped me a lot.
Also, try and find something to do for fun. Right now you probably don't think that anything could ever be fun again, but that feeling will pass, too. Trust me. Try and remember what you used to like doing before you met him. Go back to your roots, to who you really are, you may have forgotten that, having spent so much time with him. Or find something new that you always wanted to try but never dared or never found the time to do.
You can make it through this.
Siren
Hi blinkbabe678,