My story...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
My story...
2
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 2:44pm

Hi, I have posted a few times in response to others, but just wanted to share my story with you all. I am having a tough time emotionally, but this is the 2nd time I have been heartbroken by the same person. I know I have to move on, but it is such a painful process.

I met a guy when graduating and he was my first love, first everything. We had a few good years and in 2004 we split because I had some depression and he decided to walk away. I knew that there would be another chance, so I got better and focussed and did really well. I am training to be a teacher and my course is a one year course, so finishes this summer.

So, six months later after the breakup we got back together. Things took time, but a year after I moved into our former home and we seemed to be getting on better, I was very happy. We had plans, went out and I never felt better. He had been on a snowboarding trip the year before, and he asked me to go with him on this occasion, with study I didn't feel like it, so he left for a week in March.

When he got back things didn't seem right. I questioned him about it a few times, but he told me everything was ok. A few weeks before he went away, he told me he had a bosses' night out planned with work. Since this was already planned, yet again I didn't mind. He got back late the following day, and having not heard from him for over 24 hours I knew what was coming. He said he wanted to end things and that he didn't think things were working. We had so many plans for the future and they all vanished. I asked him why, and he gave me some crappy reasons.. but nothing specific. I got my stuff the next day, pained to be leaving the house as my family has problems too.

I was safe in the knowledge that things had gone stale.. but for some reason felt compelled to drive past and see the house, late at night. What I saw was awful. 5 days on, he had some b!tch in my house, in my bedroom, and his jeans were on the living room floor. I did not see anything, but what I did see was enough. I thought it was a one nite stand..... but little did I know. He called, aoplogizing and I really let fly...... I was so hurt. I went to see his mother the next day just to find out what was going on - it was here I learned that he had met someone else on vacation. And that he had travelled to see her and do whatever the night he was meant to be with work. He couldn't tell me, the complete waste of space. He rang me after the weekend, and we met up - he hugged me, kissed me..... crying everything. I know it sounds silly but I didn't care what he'd done... I loved him so much. He told me we could go on holiday and get counselling - which I would have done, stupidly, to see if it would work. I told him to call me and tell me the next day. He did and told me it wasn't what he wanted and it wouldn't work. I was so upset and angry, that after 6 years I could be forgotten just like that. And it wasn't his decision... it was mine all along. Since then I have only rang him once, a kinda 'please, why won't this work' call... to no avail. He has messed with my feelings non-stop and I feel i can't do anymore.. yet the feelings of what he had together are there all the time.

I am in a day to day struggle every day that hurts so much. I darent go out much, seeing him with her would kill me, and I hate everything he's done and I wish it would all go away. I hate him for ruining my life up to this point, but I have to carry on for my friends and families sakes.

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: who_knew2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 7:56pm

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am in the same pain. I spent six years with my Ex, gave him my heart and soul, my time, my best effort to live with him. He has now left me for a woman he met on the internet and is importing from Europe to have a baby with immediately. In other words, there may be a complete stranger with him in our house, with my animals, having his baby. If not, I have the feeling he is on vacation in Europe with her. Is that galling? I was with him in January, and he did all this just that fast.

This causes me extreme pain every time it hits my mind. I am terrified of seeing them out in public, since I know nothing at all about her.
It is getting a tiny bit better every day, but I feel like I have been stabbed in the back by my best friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
In reply to: who_knew2006
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 7:24am

Me too Memphis, the healing is the hard part, but along with the memories and the slight chance you may see them - its torture. I cannot understand how someone can be erased that quickly from someone's life. We don't deserve this at all, but how are we meant to get rid of feelings that we've had for such a long time?