My Story
Find a Conversation
My Story
| Fri, 07-08-2005 - 1:51pm |
I’ve been reading through the articles, to kind of get some support from people that write their stories about break-ups. Well I finally got the chance to post mine.
I met my b/f 5 years ago, and everything started off as dating any other guy. Through time I fell deeply in love with him, and after 9 months we moved in together. Everything started off great while I planned our “life” together. Two months down the road, we started having problems. He would yell at me, treat me bad, cheat on me and I was just devastated. Through all this we had many break ups, got back together, moved out again. I even left the state and after 3 months I accepted that he came to where I am. Well it’s been 3 years since then and we’ve had many problems- still- He’s continuously cheated on me, without ever accepting it, and I just kept quiet so I wouldn’t loose him. Last December I decided I couldn’t take it any more and that I would leave for good. My goal was July. I had therapy to help me through and already have arrangements for a new live (I’m moving out of the country- this time) We eventually broke up in May and I moved out, but after a week we started seeing each other again to see if we could work this out ( he says he loves me very much) We have had a great time “dating” again, but sometimes he still manages to hurt me. Now, I’m 11 days from my departure date, and I’m so confused! He says he wants me to get back with him, but that I have to change, I don’t want to get back with him officially and move back in because for some reason I’m scared that it will be just like other times that we’ve gotten back together. Now everything is peachy, but I’m afraid he’ll turn back into his old self. I’m afraid I might loose the love of my life but at the same time, I don’t want to put up with his crap anymore. Please help me get through this.
I met my b/f 5 years ago, and everything started off as dating any other guy. Through time I fell deeply in love with him, and after 9 months we moved in together. Everything started off great while I planned our “life” together. Two months down the road, we started having problems. He would yell at me, treat me bad, cheat on me and I was just devastated. Through all this we had many break ups, got back together, moved out again. I even left the state and after 3 months I accepted that he came to where I am. Well it’s been 3 years since then and we’ve had many problems- still- He’s continuously cheated on me, without ever accepting it, and I just kept quiet so I wouldn’t loose him. Last December I decided I couldn’t take it any more and that I would leave for good. My goal was July. I had therapy to help me through and already have arrangements for a new live (I’m moving out of the country- this time) We eventually broke up in May and I moved out, but after a week we started seeing each other again to see if we could work this out ( he says he loves me very much) We have had a great time “dating” again, but sometimes he still manages to hurt me. Now, I’m 11 days from my departure date, and I’m so confused! He says he wants me to get back with him, but that I have to change, I don’t want to get back with him officially and move back in because for some reason I’m scared that it will be just like other times that we’ve gotten back together. Now everything is peachy, but I’m afraid he’ll turn back into his old self. I’m afraid I might loose the love of my life but at the same time, I don’t want to put up with his crap anymore. Please help me get through this.

If he was the "love of your life" he wouldn't be hurting you so much! This sounds like a toxic relationship.......GET OUT....
I am getting over a harmful relationship....he dumped me last July....we broke up again after Christmas.......
It sucks being alone...I won't lie....the biggest thing I have happening tonight is bloopers of "What Not To Wear"....but I control the TV...I can spend as much time in the bathroom as I want to getting ready to go out.......I don't have to listen to him snore....of course there are things I miss and I could list them....but thinking about them won't bring the relationship back.....
At two points in my life, with two different men...I had to think - is it better to be in a relationship that I am uncomfortable in or to be alone?....each time...the relationship ended.
Here's a fiction book that I read last summer - The Ex Factor by Andrea Semple.....it was good for a laugh.....
Good luck....get out....he'll never be what you want him to be.....live life for YOU!
IMO, you exhibit the characteristics of the abused women syndrome, where you think that you have to go back to the man who hurts you because you "love him"; you think he can change for you and make it work, you think that you can cut him some slack when he abuses you -verbally, emotionally or physicaly- because "he was in a bad day", or you said "the wrong thing", you think that noone will ever love you, you think that you can live like this for the rest of your life if he changed.
He says you have to change to get back together...what do you have to change? Your rights to be respected and treated like a person? Honey, he is the one who has to change...his angry character and his abusive manners. He's a charmer who attracts you with lovely words and such UNTIL you're with him once again and the viciuos circle starts once again. If he "still mannages to hurt" you it's because he wants to and not because "it's an accident".
To move on, once and for all, and to break free to be yourself again you have to move out and NEVER look back. Don't give him your new address or number. Don't call him to "see how he's doing", he's a big man and won't die if you leave him. He'll be OK and soon enough will find another fragil woman to control, yell at, misstreat and nticonue his abuse circle. Continue with professional help like you've been doing and do it. Reclaim yourself, as you deserve better. You don't deserve to walk on egg shells for the rest of your life, 5 years are enough, don't waste anymore of your years in a man who is NOT good for you.
Remember that yelling at, pushing, shoving, and hitting ARE NOT OK.