my story, glad for this board
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my story, glad for this board
| Thu, 10-13-2005 - 8:07pm |
Long post:
I just wanted to express my gratitude for finding this board and wanted to tell everyone my story because I could use some support and i also am here to support you guys when you need me too. I started having major problems with my exbf about 7 months ago. We started dating back in January of 2004. I had just gotten out of a string of r'ships and jumped right into the next one so I didn't have to deal with the pain of the previous one and the one before that etc etc. My recent ex was not very affectionate, didn't like to have or instigate sex nearly as often as me to the point where I thought I was unattractive and also was emotionally unavailabe. These were very MAJOR problems in the r'ship but I ignored them for the longest time and still to this very day think of going back with him sometimes. You are probably asking why I would stay with him. He was also very kind, reliable, funny, intelligent, open-minded and loved going out with me and doing things and we both actually lived together very well (for 6 months)never had problems with messiness, divying up chores and responsibilities and no money problems, he was also a very happy go-lucky, calm laid back person when I didn't bring up issues. He never brought up issues. I know he loved me and I loved him but we were more like friends than lovers and I felt as if he was holding me at arms length all the time. I had a VERY difficult time leaving him, the hardest I've ever had leaving anyone due to a lot of factors including him and I still loving eachother, me turning 30 this month and my younger sister getting married and having a baby, something I've always wanted. It took me until early July (this year) to have him move out of my condo and break up. We kept contact here and there and got back together a little over a month ago for a couple of weeks. We talked about the things that needed to change over and over again but he never really took the initiative to work on his major issues even though he kept telling me that since he loved me he would try his hardest. Needless to say he didn't really improve much and I still felt alone in the r'ship and after a falling out we broke up for hopefully the final time about a month ago. I've been going through ups and downs, sadness, greiving, fear etc etc since about May of this year and it just increased at the times we were broken up. It's been a tremendous struggle not to go back to him again and I have had lots of fear of what the future holds, fear of never finding the one, lots of crying fits etc etc. This is so so so so hard and has been a huge turning point in my life. I'm trying to remain strong and stay single for awhile and not date so that I can get my life back on track, heal and deal with my codependency issues. Just when I thought i was doing fine and on track to healing, I had a fall back starting last week and calling him more often as well as him calling me and thinking about going back with him. Yesterday I stopped my thinking in it's tracks and reminded myself of the major reasons why I can't. I love myself too much to have to go through more pain, sadness and anger, even if I still care for and love him in a way. Thanks for reading this post and I hope everyone is hanging in there and taking care of themselves. If any of you have any advice, feedback or words of faith for me during these tough times I would appreciate it.
I just wanted to express my gratitude for finding this board and wanted to tell everyone my story because I could use some support and i also am here to support you guys when you need me too. I started having major problems with my exbf about 7 months ago. We started dating back in January of 2004. I had just gotten out of a string of r'ships and jumped right into the next one so I didn't have to deal with the pain of the previous one and the one before that etc etc. My recent ex was not very affectionate, didn't like to have or instigate sex nearly as often as me to the point where I thought I was unattractive and also was emotionally unavailabe. These were very MAJOR problems in the r'ship but I ignored them for the longest time and still to this very day think of going back with him sometimes. You are probably asking why I would stay with him. He was also very kind, reliable, funny, intelligent, open-minded and loved going out with me and doing things and we both actually lived together very well (for 6 months)never had problems with messiness, divying up chores and responsibilities and no money problems, he was also a very happy go-lucky, calm laid back person when I didn't bring up issues. He never brought up issues. I know he loved me and I loved him but we were more like friends than lovers and I felt as if he was holding me at arms length all the time. I had a VERY difficult time leaving him, the hardest I've ever had leaving anyone due to a lot of factors including him and I still loving eachother, me turning 30 this month and my younger sister getting married and having a baby, something I've always wanted. It took me until early July (this year) to have him move out of my condo and break up. We kept contact here and there and got back together a little over a month ago for a couple of weeks. We talked about the things that needed to change over and over again but he never really took the initiative to work on his major issues even though he kept telling me that since he loved me he would try his hardest. Needless to say he didn't really improve much and I still felt alone in the r'ship and after a falling out we broke up for hopefully the final time about a month ago. I've been going through ups and downs, sadness, greiving, fear etc etc since about May of this year and it just increased at the times we were broken up. It's been a tremendous struggle not to go back to him again and I have had lots of fear of what the future holds, fear of never finding the one, lots of crying fits etc etc. This is so so so so hard and has been a huge turning point in my life. I'm trying to remain strong and stay single for awhile and not date so that I can get my life back on track, heal and deal with my codependency issues. Just when I thought i was doing fine and on track to healing, I had a fall back starting last week and calling him more often as well as him calling me and thinking about going back with him. Yesterday I stopped my thinking in it's tracks and reminded myself of the major reasons why I can't. I love myself too much to have to go through more pain, sadness and anger, even if I still care for and love him in a way. Thanks for reading this post and I hope everyone is hanging in there and taking care of themselves. If any of you have any advice, feedback or words of faith for me during these tough times I would appreciate it.

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Well aren't you all glad you aren't with these jerks anymore? The liars, betrayers and deceivers?? As it's been said here before, it's better to end it before marriage and commitments make it harder. Let go now while you can. AND NEVER go with a guy who cheated with you on some other..he will do the same to you.
Men move on quickly. Mine did the next day. I called and cried and we spent a week holding each other and had goodbye sex and then he left again (LD relationship). I will not see him until April and I say thank God. Now if I can maintain NC I will be great...I am shooting for 60 days. Wish me luck..
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