My Story - He broke up with me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
My Story - He broke up with me
3
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 8:33am

Here is my story.. for the sake of release..

Some of you may know me from a few months ago. I was in a relationship with an guy who ultimately emotionally screwedup my head. The story goes (in a nutshell):

I met him while working at a summer camp in PA. (I lived in MA at home with my dad at the time - I'm 22 btw) He worked outside the camp ( a plumber) and he fell in love with me so hard. He did everything he could to win me over, b/c I wasn't phsyically attracted him (he is not all that attractive) and slowly he won me over. Before I knew it, the summer was over and I was doing most of the commuting to PA (4 hour drive) every other weekend. I'd stay for the weekend, he'd be so sad when I left. We talked EVERY day on the phone and he called me and said "i love you" at least twice a day.

Then, during Xmas of last year, he was with my family for a week, and we both decided that we hated commuting, so he wanted to move to Virginia b/c he had family there and there was good work, good money down there. He left after new years for 2 months, stayed with family, got a job and saved up money and got us a great little apartment.

i moved down shortly thereafter, got a job, loved it. The first 4 months together were rocky, we learned a lot about eachother and fought, etc. Then, it got so much better when I DID ALL THE CHANGING (as in, I conformed to his needs, his wants, what he wanted).

All of a sudden, last week, he breaks up with me. This time for real. Called me the "c" word and told me to get the F*** out of his life. IT came out of nowhere. I did, the next day, I moved out. I now share a room with several flight attendants and am very happy that I am out of the relationship b/c i realize he was an emotional abuser (his father was like is, and also physically abusive, before he left the family and fled to Colorodo)

Yet, it is heartbreaking at the same time. and tought to deal with. But I know this is for the better. The only thing that hurts is that someone told me the night I was moving out all my stuff (ALONE with no help) he was out at the bars, getting phone numbers from girls. I also found out he has been chatting up girls the past few weeks while out and about.

What hurts even more, is two days before he broke up with me he said he wanted to be with me forever. I just don't get it? all of a sudden he is bored with me? He blamed the breakup on me, my behavior, that I was too "sassy" and i didn't treat his family right, etc, which is a load of BS. It was an excuse to get out and put the blame on me.

Also, apprently he tells everyone he's been thinking about breaking it off for a while - unbeknownst to me, b/c we were having a good time for the past 2 months. I didn't see it coming at all. Furthermore, When i stopped by to pick up my mail I opened our PO Box and there was a dating service letter hand written addressed to him (requested materials) I mean, it's unbelievable! And then he calls me about yesterday to see how I am doing and I said "Great! thanks!" after 5 days of being apart and tells me if I ever need anything to call him. I mean WTF??

Anyway, it hurts. But I am SO much better off. And the perspective I've gotten is good, I realized I was giving him everything of me, and changed myself to make him happy and he doesn't have the capability to truely love someone or have someone love him the way I did, in an unconditional way. i think because of his childhood, he is acting out on women all the time.

Yet, any support I can get from you guys would be great. I know I'm better off and I am actually much happier, it is just those moments when I'm by myself and start thinking about how "great" it was I have to force myself to think about how "bad" it was too...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:09pm

well thats good that his real color come out...just imagine you been dating this guy for several yrs....yikes nightmare...

dont worry everything will be better...i know its hard and it will take some time....good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 8:23pm

Sorry to hear your story! I'm not a shrink, but it sounds like your guy has some serious commitment issues. Check out liftedhearts.com if you're not familiar with this.

My guy exhibited so many commitment issues, I won't go through them all, but the pattern sounds very familiar. You think things are ok, he's talking future future, but acting like he wants to get away and becomes a jerk. My ex also cheated on me both at the beginning and end of the relationship, and made it obvious at the end. He was also looking for a way out for a while, but I didn't know that since I was supposed to meet his parents.

Hugs. It's not you, sounds like he has some serious issues.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 8:28am

Thank you for your reply.

The issues with my ex seem to be 1) he has ADD 2)His father was so physically/verbally abusive towards his mom and other family members, ended up leaving the family when my ex was 6. 3) his entire family seems to have major psychological problems. I've been www.drirene.com website (it regards emotional abuse) and almost every single thing on there I can relate to.

- he changed me, or never liked my behavior even after i did the 'changing'
- he was always right, i was always wrong
- he would call me a 'hooker' in jest, and i learned to laugh b/c if i didn't he said i was taking it too seriously
- he stole my car out of airport parking while high as kite on percocet while i was away on a vacation b/c he was mad i didn't leave the car for him. I came back home and it had a huge scratch down the side of the car (he said he 'may' have run into a guardrail but couldn't remember
- He ALWAYS had the right to yell at me, but i never had the right to be upset or yell at him.

But in the meantime, we had had a lot of talks about our communication (when I would beg him to talk to me about it) and i always thought we were making progress.

I just have realized this guy does not want the same life dream as me, which is to have that 1 person in your life every day to wake up to and go to bed to and hang out with all the time. I am such a homebody sometimes and i need someone who is sort of the same. He got too bored with being home with me, because i think he just didn't love me anymore, the chase was over (and oh, did he chase me). Furthermore, he has emotional problems big time.

At the end of the day, not matter what a struggle it is for me, and how i got jipped big time in this relationship, it was a lesson learned and he doesn't deserve me.