My Story of heart Break

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
My Story of heart Break
4
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:19pm
First off, my x-boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years and some months. and just yerstday we broke it off. Well for the last couple of months i've been suspecting him of cheating on me and I follow my gut instinct on most things.. I found phone numbers of girls in his cellphone that he had called and that had called him.. One of his first signs of cheatng was when he was suppose to be sleep one day, i just thought I would check and see if he was in fact sleeping and he wasn't he had left the house his father told me that he was not home. Well i tried to call him and his cellphone was also turned off.. When confronting him about this he told me that he couldnt sleep so he just decided to go to apply for this job, this was on a sunday, and most HR offices are not open on sundays so that set in me wondering whether or not he was telling me the truth, but I wanted to trust him so I let it go...Well as time goes on he has more and more calls coming to his cellphone while he is with me and everyone that calls he says he doesn't know who it is and that he's not going to answer it.. This goes on for months and when I told him I was having worry about his behavior he told me not to worry he would never do anything to hurt me... Next he writes me an email saying that he is attracted to other women but that he doesn't want to break up. So everything just building up inside of me.. I sat and had a talk with him.. I told him.. I know that you want to see other women and I know that if we don't break this off that your going to cheat on me (because he has before about 1 year into the relationship and i forgave him...). I want to know what do you want to do? Do you want to end our relationship and see other people? He goes through this whole crying phase, and tells me he doesnt know how he could ever live with out me, but that he would like to open our relationship up to see other people, but he doesnt want to lose me and that infact he is interested in a couple of women at his work. He also says he knows for sure that he will want to get back together soon he just wants to play for awhile.. and i told him well I cant tell you what the future will hold but i can't promise that we will get back together but that we could definitly be friends but you gotta give me time to heal. This was really my first serious relationship as well as the longest and he is also the first man I gave myself to.. He says well lets give it a month and I said no, and he says well I wanna get back with you soon, so basically he calls this moring and starts talking like normal calling me baby and what not and I'm feeling like crap because of yerterday,I tell him you cant just keep calling me like all things are normal, I dont know what you feel like but I feel bad and he says be strong we will be back together.. ....and now I feel really wierd because he knows that I love him, and I want to be with him but, I just think if we get back together its going to be the same thing.. I feel like he still trying to have his cake and eat it too, but on the other hand I feel like well when and or if he does come back what if he has changed? I dont know what to do any advice would be apperciated.... there is a little bit of age difference I'm 26 almost 27 and he is 24 Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:54pm
I live in the same area as you do, and my boyfriend of 3 years

broke up with me a month ago. If you need someone to talk to

let me know. I think you are right, it sounds like he wants his cake

and eat it to. Chances are he will never change, and would you

really want him back after he has been seeing other girls.

Hope I can help.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 6:41pm
Thanks for your input. No I don't want to be with him after he has been with other girls,and I'm thinking that when he calls me and tells me he wants to get together I am going to just have to tell him I'm sorry but the door is no longer open.. My heart just aches because, I had so much hope that our relationship would work and now after 4 years and a few months being together he wants to see other people so badly that he would ruin 4 years together to see what else is out there but its his choice I just hope that I am strong enough and my feelings have leveled off and I'm not just wanting him back so i accept.. I feel so horrible and I feel so sad....Sorry to hear about your relationship....it must have hurt too..... Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 8:40pm
Hey! Do you remember your early 20's? You are still in the same frame of mind at 20- 25 then the outlook on things change. It is possible he's an early matured 24 however you are past that portion of your life. Its the "Play around and figure out who I am stage" for most men. Women mature earlier- however I dont believe they fully hit womanhood and understand what they really want until 25. I for example am 28 going on 29 and I had a different mantality at 24 than 28. Your not much older than your boyfriend but mantality you are far more conservative and just plain past that! Youve discovered who you are and where you want to be- he might still be confused. And four years in a relationship he might have gone backwards trying to recapture the things he may have missed- IN HIS HEAD. Because I dont miss that stage but I was in an 8 year relationship and as soon as I got out of it I went back to 21 again if you know what I mean. You have to respect his wishes to be single so he can figure out who he is individualy. You are right though-no matter how much it hurts-you have to build a bigger wall. Maybe later your interests in what you want may change but until then he needs ground rules- he may find out later that you were the issing on the cake but until then- you cant be his woman on the side, it only makes things more complicated in the end. Hope you get through this okay. stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 10:08pm
Absolutely cut off all contact. He will just keep re-opening the wound in your heart as long as you continue to have dialog with him. It is absolutely not acceptable to have him go eat other cake all over town (among other things), knowing it causes you pain, then return to have his cake still waiting intact. Four years is a long time, I'm sorry, I know you must be feeling absolutely rotten. I'm currently recovering from catching my boyfriend of two years in bed with another woman. It was like getting hit in the face with a cinderblock and having my heart ripped out with a rake at the same time. He too, had talked about wanting his freedom, let's be friends, blah blah blah. If you take him back after knowing he's been cheating on you, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unfaithfulness from him. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater is a cheater is a cheater is a cheater...................................................................