my story of the inevitable breakup
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 05-27-2007 - 5:30pm |
hello everyone. i don't know how to begin, so i guess i'll just tell you my story and if you feel like responding with advice or words of wisdom, please feel free....
my ex boyfriend and i have been broken up for about a month now and i have been on a rollercoaster of emotions. there are days where i feel like i'm strong and feel like i am perfectly ok with being single yet other days i want to just sulk and lay in bed.... we met when we were 17 during highschool. he liked me, yet it took a whole year for me to finally realize i've fallen for him. our 7 years together was not at all an easy one. we always seem to deal with long distance, whether it be half an hour away to 6 hours away. i have to admit when we were both in college we would see each other at least every month because of the distance. it was hard, yet we dealt with it. even when i was in nursing school in southern cali and he was in the bay area we had a way of making things work out. when i finally moved back up to northern cal. to be close to him and the family and finally start my job things started to get rough. it was difficult because i worked swing shift 4-12 am and off every other weekend while he, in law school, had his priorities dealing with law school, work, and internship. i thought since i would be closer we would have the opportunity to see each other more at least the days that i was off, at least once a week; however, that wasn't the case. we would only see each other once every 3 to 4 weeks. it was pretty sad, we would have to pencil each other in our calanders. we felt frustrated with the relationship of wanting to see other but couldn't. it was a few weeks before his finals (i know, i know, i shouldn't have brought it up) that i was trying to figure out the next time we would see each other. he mentioned that after finals he was planning on doing an alcohol binge and that he probably wouldnt have time. by then i could feel my anger starting to rise. i asked how about the weekend that i was off and he stated that he and the guys were planning to go away for the weekend. he said that he could possibly see me the next weekend that i was working but by then that's when i brought up the inevitable conversation that would lead to us breaking up. i told him that i was unhappy with not seeing him as often as i liked and he agreed as well. we felt that we were trying to hold on to the relationship but for some reason it wasn't enough. he said that he knew what he was getting into (I thought i did too) with regard to the stress of law school and my work and he asked why i couldn't i accept that too. i told him that i understood, at that time we talked about what was going to happen when he was going to school and once i worked, how difficult it was gonna be; however, once you're actually in the moment, it's alot harder said than done because you're actually facing the reality of the situation.
so here i am today, after the breakup via phone we haven't seen each other. we'll only speak once every week if that. to me, that's been the hardest thing. to have some one in your life for that long of a time who you confide in and speak everything too, one moment, and then the next you barely speak, it's like 2 different people. i understand that we cannot be friends right now and only time heals all wounds but when will "it" heal my broken heart. i love him very much. he's my first love but is it crazy to say that i could have seen this coming from a long time ago. looking back on it i feel that we did grow apart. we are two individual people with 2 very different lives and different times in our lives trying our hardest to incorporate the other. i'm learning that a person can fall so fast in love with someone and have it be one of the best things one can do for themselves; yet, once your heart is broken it may take a lifetime of repair and many days of sorrow when you finally feel alright.
thank you for this opportunity to vent. only time will tell and in God's will will i know the purpose of all this =)

Welcome to the baord isugar77,
Sorry you are going through this.