naive and heart broken

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2006
naive and heart broken
3
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 8:47pm
After living together for over a year things started to change, he was leaving me home alone often or forgetting to pick me up at work. He was hanging out with a new group of friends two female, one male. because i have some issues with jealousy I started asking questions about his new friends and why he never invited me out with them. After about two weeks of suspicion and fighting, he finally admits to having a crush on one of the girls. We break inevitably and two days later I find out that I am pregnant. After intense discussion as to what the immediate plan should be I tell him that I am keeping the baby and that I don't need him so I want to leave. He tells me that he wantrs to be a part of the baby's life so he is going to sort his feelings out. He comes to the conclusion that he wants nothing more than friendship with this other girl. Which is fine except he then spends all of his time with her and leaves me home alone. I finally got the courage to leave and I moved to my brothers for a week before going to be with my parents on the other side of the country. The day before I left I had dinner at his parents house, and we went for a walk he told me that he wants me to come back and we can give us another go. I was gone for about 2 months, we would talk on the phone every day and he would tell me how much he misses me and that he wants to be with me. I believe him, why not he's been the most important person in my life and I I love and trust him with all my heart. He flies across the country to see me and spends 2 weeks with my family and we decide to drive back to our home, after 80 hours of driving and having a really great time we get back, and nothing has changed I am still coming second and the other girl calls here all the time. he leaves me home alone all the time and sometimes calls me in the middle of the night to tell me that he isn't coming home. He wants me to trust that he is just friends with these people but yet he never invites me along. I feel horrible everyday because I still love him with everything that I am and I hate telling people about how he treats me because I feeled compelled to stick up fpr him, I don't have many friends and I am really looking for an outlet, I am worried about the health of my baby because of the amount of stress that I am under. I don't know yet if I am looking for advice, I just know that I hate feeling alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 7:19am

mslgi_mama2b....

For starters...NOBODY likes to feel like they're totally alone or without some sort of a support system. However...some of us need CONSTANT SUPPORT and REINFORCEMENT...while others can get by with the minimum. PG knows (firsthand) that there are friends and family members ready to 'jump in and cheer us up' when we really need them!

You didn't ask for advice, but I hope you won't mind a man's opinion on your situation?

The kindest thing you can do for yourself and your soon-to-be-born child IS TO DEVELOP A "GAME PLAN" FOR THE TWO OF YOU. While the man who impregnated you claims he wants to be part of 'the child rearing process'---I'd be a little skeptical about his intentions.

If he can 'take up with another woman' (who might ALSO be pregnant)...what's to prevent him from repeating the process again and again and again?

You might want to consult a lawyer or legal advisor when it comes to the 'rights and priviliges' you and your unborn child are entitled to? But holding high expectations for someone whose emotions can "shift like the wind"---is only going to result in heartbreak!

Not only for you, but for your baby as well!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 1:15pm

I appreciate the advice, I know I didn't request it, but I am glad that you felt compelled to share it with me. It's nice to have a man's point of view. I guess I didn't ask for advice because I am not sure that I am ready to hear the truth yet.

I think that the situation is harder to get over because there is another life involved. I just keep thinking about how it would be so much easier to hate him, or the girl for that matter, but I don't have it in me. I wish that I would never see him again, but despite his actions towards me I think he will make a good father and it is important to maintain some contact or at least be civil.

But you are right I need to think about whats best for the baby, and keeping myself in mind aswell. It is proving to be a difficult task when I have to put myself first, its not in my nature. I feel good by making other people feel good, even if it means a few sacrifices.

My heart is still broken, but I have to admit that I actually slept well last night, knowing that I can always come on the message board when I need some support. My family is supportive, however i prefer them to not pass judgement. As for friends, I am more of the anti social type and prefer not to be around a lot of people, so finding a support net work that way is near impossible.

I know that my venture is far from over but I appreciate knowing that I don't have to be entirely alone.
Thank You

Mama2B

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 4:40pm

Hey Mama2B

All will be well. Piano guy had good advice. Don't stay stuck with a guy who isn't giving you 100%. I understand that you want him to be a part of the child's life and you can open that door to him. However, don't settle for unhappiness within yourself to stay in a shared relationship with him and this other woman.

Are you really happy knowing he is off with another woman? Do you think you could live with this for the 18 years you raise your child and beyond? Really ask yourself those questions.

Continue to come to this board for insight as everyone has a different perspective. Perhaps keep a journal as well to release your thoughts and feelings.

T. Murray