"NC" The #1 Rule (we break)
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| Wed, 08-08-2007 - 6:44am |
I haven't posted on here in about 9 days. I had a date, and told him about this message board, and he came on here and read everything I wrote, and I sort of felt like someone reading my diary. Anyway, I also had other issues going on.
Last Wednesday, I broke the NC rule, and I had went the longest I'd ever went (7 days. I'm going to break that record today, and I think I'm past the point of 'relapse'-this post will explain why). It went as badly as it could possibly have gone. It started with text messages, then I got mad, and called, and then I lost it, and told him I wished him and his new girlfriend would die in a fatal car accident. He hung up on me, and text me to never contact him again. Bad led to worse, when my 'date' called and I was all crying and he told me he read everything I wrote on this site, and started going on about his ex-girlfriend. Well, I calmed down and called my ex, got his voice mail and apologized-for the last comment and promised I would no longer contact him. He texted me shortly after that and stated 'apology accepted'. Well, the whole incident undid any progress I had made to getting over him. The next day (I live with my brother who hates the ex for what he put me through. Plus he's not too happy with me because I'm unemployed, and having a hell of a time finding work), my brother is in a bad mood, and I'm messed up from what happened the day before. We get in a bad fight, I end up in the hospital on 24 hour suicide watch. BREAKING THE 'NO CONTACT' RULE IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS A VERY, VERY, VERY BAD IDEA.
Well, while I was in the hospital, I started having bad pains in my stomach. Come to find out, I had a kidney stone (I've had kidney problems in the past, and I'm more suseptable to them-ignoring my physical health did not help). Well, they let me out the next day, but I hadn't passed the stone. That took another 3 days of pain. I didn't have time to hurt over him, because I was in such physical pain. So, it's only been a couple of days that I have not been sick and felt physically fine. The ex has crossed my mind here and there and it didn't 'hurt' really. Until tonight....don't know what brought it on. I think my mind was tired, which makes it weak. I thought of him, and I started to cry, then I got all mad at myself, and cried harder. I thought I was over this crap. I don't have the urge to contact him....not in the least. But I want that last part of my self back that he still has power over. I want it not to hurt when I think of him (hell, I want him not to cross my mind), I want not to care anymore about him....and I want it now! I think I'm doing everything right...any other suggestions, or tricks to speed up this process.

Hi tinamarie117
Welcome. Sorry to say but, nothing makes it go away except time.
I am just about over my ex ( been about 6 months ) I think of her from time to time and sometimes wish we were still together but, I am realizing it was the best decision she ever made and only now do I see that fairly clearly.
Sorry that you told a 'date' about the board. The LAST thing I want is someone I 'date' to read everything I posted about my ex. Like you said, it's like they are reading your diary. I want to decide when to share any information about my ex with any potential date that I have.
Well, keep the NC rule in your mind and never call, text, email, or see your ex. Avoid all contact!
Good luck and take care.
Rob