NC and impulsive calling

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
NC and impulsive calling
13
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 7:24am

Hey everyone,

Still trying NC. I won't even go there..but what I need are tips/tools NOT TO CALL. It is the point of no return/Enough's Enough. I am 100% sure NC is the ONLY way to move on in my case but every once in awhile usually early in the AM after a sleepless obsessive night, I call him.

HOW CAN I NOT CALL? Short of tossing the phone...

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 5:13pm
I am working on week #2 of complete no contact. I have removed him from my IM so I can't see if he's home or not. I haven't seen him in person since Nov. 20 but kept the IM on 'til last week. I don't want to know anything about him. I don't want to know how happy he is with his new girl. My mistake was remaining friends with my ex after he broke up with me. I did this for a whole year and I tell you it's not worth the pain and obsession. I had to learn the hard way. Having a clean break is the way to go. You need to get yourself together and make yourself stronger. I keep telling myself this and I hope it works because this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am so afraid of him contacting me because we are still supposed to be friends. I am hoping that he doesn't contact me for a long time so I can use this time to heal. But the fear of him calling me is still in the back of my mind because he doesn't know how this new girl of his is affecting me. As far as he knows, we are still friends and nothing is really wrong but I suspect he must know something is up because I haven't called him in two weeks which is unusal but then again he is so into this new girl he most likelyforgotten about me. Sorry to rant. Read the book everyone is suggesting. I bought the book over the weekend and read it and it is empowering. I keep referring to it everytime I am feeling weak and have the urge to call.
Take care and good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 8:00am

thanks..I read the book..loved it..mostly..some of it was a little silly but the basic premises ring true for me. Sadly my ex knows how his little flings are impacting me whilst I tried to be one of them..I thought I could be liberated and enjoy sex with him still..NOT...first of all there is a health concern (he is religous about condoms but still...) and second it is SO impossible to go from committed monogamous love for 3.5 years to being one of his sex buddies. NO MORE..the madness ended Dec. 4 for me. It took since Sept. 16th.

Happily I do not have a chance to see him til April when he comes home for a week. I will have family here for Easter so I will be busy PLUS there is NO chance of inviting him to my bed again which I pray I never ever do.

I also do not think he and I can ever be friends. Sigh..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 2:39pm

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. I am also going through the whole NC period right now....and it is so hard. It seems that once you break up they(the ex) becomes an obsession in your mind. And they are just waiting for you to be distracted to sneak in to your head once again. IS so hard!!! Why cant we get it to our head that if they wanted to talk to us they will be the ones making the call???? I broke down last week and i went to his house and it was a huge mistake. We didnt have a fight or anythign, he actually told me how much he loves me, but at the same time he doesnt treat me right. So i know that is not right for me to be there. At least i am not crying as much, I still feel sad and lonely and yes i am going through some depression but I know I will be fine. I for once will take the advice of the first person that gave you advice and i am goign to make my self a little index card with the reasons as to why we are not together and how he hurt me. Also another thing i have notice that has help me is that when i get the impulse to email is that i will write an email and say everythign that i have to say and instead of sending it to him i send it to my self and then i will just re-read it and it will help me to realize that is not right for me to be like that.

I wish you the very best luck and please contact me if you need someone to talk to or if you are tempted to call. Most likely i will be going through the same my self.

E.
carran111@yahoo.com

Pages