NC Broken- We Talked

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
NC Broken- We Talked
11
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 10:42pm

So, after almost 6 weeks no contact I called my ex tonight.


He owes me some money and I really need it (living on student loans).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 3:35pm
This too shall pass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 1:53am

Workingirl - I just wanted to say thank you for posting your message. It's actually helping me. I was sitting here trying to remind myself of the reasons that I can't talk to my ex. Part of me really wants to, but you articulated perfectly why it can't happen (too often, at least). Like you and your ex, we would slip too easily into that comfort zone and then it would be too painful to back out again. It's such a struggle and yet I haven't had the strength to cut off complete contact with my ex. I don't initiate contact, but I am not able to ignore his calls or postpone calling him back. I can only hope that someday I will have more strength. I am very sorry for what you're going through (I'm embarrassed to say how long I've been going through this - but I guess that's the result of not cutting off contact completely). Thank you again for what you wrote - I think it will help a lot of people.

(((Hugs to you)))
You are not alone.

Maggie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 10:16am
Maggie, your posting was truly a blessing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 12:41am

Thank you for the replies! Although at the moment I dont' think I deserve all the praise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 2:13am
Don't beat yourself up. No contact is really hard - that's why we're all here. I did the same thing the other day. My ex called me (and I should really be farther along than I am at this point) - I, of course, called him back as soon as I saw that he called (mistake #1) - then, of course, he didn't answer (and still hasn't called me back). Later that night, I texted him (why did I do that? He didn't answer and didn't call me back, so why would I text? - Mistake #2). I was saying the same thing to myself - Stupid, stupid. But, then I decided to cut myself some slack. We slip sometimes. But then we just have to pick ourselves up and start from where we left off. And we might learn that lesson over and over before it sticks. You should give yourself a lot of credit for saying that you couldn't see him tonight. That must've been really hard - especially when he was upset. Pat yourself on the back for that! Take it as it comes and give yourself credit for when you're able to stay away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 9:08am

We talked again yesterday...and we talked and we talked and we talked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 12:20pm

All I can say is WOW workingirl for being as strong as you are!!! You sound so mature, I am curious how old you are?


I know it is HARD to keep the no contact going...I vowed after the last rude thing my ex texted me several weeks ago that I was DONE with him...then those darn dreams happen (with the ex in them being sweet) and all rationality seems to fly out the window lol.... My guy (the ex bf) was my first (and short) relationship after my 18 yr marriage broke up, so I was a walking mess for quite some time..didnt think I would live, ya know? He (ex) never tried to meld his life into mine..it was ALL about him too, so I know how you are feeling.


We text each other about once a week. Sometimes he initiates it, other times I do. I DO get frustrated when he starts texting, then after a few lines, stops talking back to me..I know he reads them, but just decides HE is done chatting..grrrr..


Just this morning I initiated the texts to ask how the cabins addiction was coming along (i had helped him with the foundation and initial wall framing) and he started texting back. I ended it after a few minutes with a 'Have a great week, Take care' and he sends a texted kiss back to me and tries to continue texting..I just ended it with 'Im busy, cya' because I just KNOW I could keep chatting all day! LOL.. and he has hinted several times on how he thinks he will be ready to jump back into the dating pool soon..I try my best to ignore those hints because I know I am not ready to date anyone yet after the heartache the ex caused me. BUT if he ever said he loved me still and wanted to work things out I hope I can be as strong as you!


~Lisa  =))

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 8:34pm

I don't feel strong at the moment! I feel confused and scared yet happy all at the same time. I just don't know what to do, so I am praying a lot and taking it very slowly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 9:02pm
workingirl - all i can say is that he has said the magic to give him a chance to see you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 8:22am

Only 25? Another wow...I have daughters that age! Your mom must be right in the 'old soul' as my kids, I don't believe, are as relationship wise as you! ((HUGS))


Well, sorry to let ya in on a not-so-secret secret, LOL..I am 43 and relationships and breakups hurt and confuse just as much now as they did when i was young! Bummer...


I know about the 'I feel we are suppose to be together' part..thats how I felt too. I use to spend whole weekends up at my ex's place playing 'house' so to speak and helping him build/remodel his place. We worked great together side by side, had a lot in common, and basically enjoyed each others company.


BUT..


He had unfinished business he realized he needed to take care of (past ex's) that he just couldnt get out of his head/phone/pc..and I tried HARD to handle it, but it ended our relationship...we would break up, get back together over and over..usually me initiating it as I wasnt willing to share him with his past. We talked a lot about it, then on my Birthday (of all days) he tells me that we needed to break for good because he was tired of hurting me so much. It about killed me.


I miss him in a way..I got tired of the 'games' and dont miss those..but the good times come back and haunt me some days..and him telling me that he will be free from his past soon and ready to date without baggage gets my hopes up..lol..though I dont know if I can trust him ever again.


Take it slow like you are..keep us posted!

~Lisa

~Lisa  =))

 

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