NC is hard !!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
NC is hard !!!!
10
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 10:35am

NC is so Hard !!!

I get the worst anxiety and I can't stop myself from calling, emailing or texting. It's only been 2 weeks since we broke up, but I can't let it go. I am still very confused as to why we broke up. I know that he has commitment problems and is 5 years younger than I am, I am 32. The relationship was so good though, we had so much fun together. I don't understand how someone can say they love you so much and then not try and work on things with you. He said he needs "time" - what the f is that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 11:50am
i wish i could give you advice on how to stick to the nc...but i can't. just know that i know how you feel and i'm struggling with the same thing. i've been struggling with nc for a year now...yup, a year, so trust me when i say i know how hard it is...i'm better now though, but i still contact him every now and then. he used to contact me a lot also, which made it hard the times when i'd be strong and not call him, and when saw his # or when he wanted to see me, i just couldn't say no. but he has stopped contacting me, because either, a) because he really wanted to help me move on...and he knew i couldn't while still being in contact with him.
b)maybe he found someone else(which he won't tell me, and quite frankly i don't think i want to know.. or c) maybe he's completely over me now and has no urge to call me anymore...i don't know, and i guess it shouldn't really matter...it's really hard, i know, it sucks, and i wish there were some easy way out of this, but i haven't found it yet...if you do, let me know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 3:28pm

GT:

I totally agree. I just had about 4 conversations last night with my bf who needed space starting the beginning of October. We finally ended up ending the relationship last Tuesday, becuase he has no idea when or if he might feel better.

Last night, he talked on about how horrible he feels but it was clear he is still in that same place. He was out looking for me, but I am actually very glad he did not find me, as he would have probably been here for a day til he got spooked again.

He has a lot of stresses in his life, but it kills me that he is walking away from the one thing that worked in his life. It was good to say some things, but I still miss him terribly and wish he would come back.....but HE HAS TO DEAL WITH IS ISSUES.

Your guy may be afraid or unable to fess up that he just can't do it. I plan to spend major amounts of love and time of MYSELF - - life will take me where I am meant to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 4:15pm

Hi,

It has been 26 days since we broke up. The book It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken
The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy Written by Greg Behrendt has helped me.

The guy I dated broke it offe with me 1 week before my day. I had no contact & what does he do...adds more pain to my bday by sending me flowers anonymously. Yeh, yeh you may think it's nice...but he never called. I never called him to thank him. I figure if he really wanted to see me...he would call.

It hurts every day. This was very confusing for me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 10:58pm
On Sunday night I finally decided that it was the last time for a while that I was going to knock on his door or call him. He lives across the hall and it is making my break up with him very hard. I sooo want to get back together with him and I did not realize how much I loved him until I left him. Then asked to get back and he said "no." I know that he still loves and cares for me but he says he feels our relationship just won't work. We broke up about 4 weeks ago - hung out for 3 out of the 4 weeks almost like we had not broken up. The difference was not being able to me how I wanted to be around him, like hugging and cuddling - we did that a few times but not as much as I wanted and knowing that he did not want to get back together it was tearing me apart, so I took the NC deal with myself. Well I went to my parents tonight to find out that my dad may lose his job and they are possibly going to move to my brothers place 6 hours away, which leaves me here by myself - no boyfriend, no family and just a few friends. I don't want to move back. So I come home and my kitten(8 weeks old with claws) jumps on me - draws blood and I scream - seconds later my telephone is ringing and it is my ex. I don't answer but then he comes across the hall to make sure all is well. Then offers me a printer as he just got a new one today - I say yes - he installs it, helps me clip the nails off my kitten and then leaves. err I am so angry with myself for screaming as now my NC is out the window. Tomorrow will have to be a fresh start .....again. I love this man and I can only wish that he would want me back, us back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:58am

Believe me when I say I know how hard it is to maintain NC after a breakup.

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:33pm
Thanks everyone! I'm so happy for this board. I put a note near my phone so I will NOT call him. I think the reason he took space is because I mentioned something about marriage. He is 5 years younger than I am, and I think I put pressure on him. I'm hoping that he takes this time to realize what we had. I don't know if he will ever come back. Could this be a matter of timing? Will he realize things as he gets older?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 1:33pm

There just comes a point when matters are out of your hands. You realize there are no magic words or actions that will make them see how wrong this is (in our eyes anyway). And there is nothing that they can say to truly make you understand the 'whys'. That is the time when you just have to let them go gracefully and wish them well on their journey.
Was it bad timing? possibly. Fear of committment or hurt? maybe. Pure confusion on their part about what they want? very likely. Unwillingness to leave his comfort zone? could be.
One thing I have learned is that you can only deal with your own issues and that goes the same for them. You can't control how someone act, you can only control your reactions to them. It is hard to predict how he will view this as he gets older. Instead keep the focus on yourself and what you can do to make yourself feel better -- in healthy ways I should add. I know you miss him but you had a life before he came into it. Try not to allow yourself to fall into anger and bitterness. People will come and go from our lives and we need to make sure that we are self aware and whole enough as individuals that no one persons parting should leave a big gap in our lives. If we can learn and grow from these ordeals, then there truly is a reason for everything.

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 1:53pm
those were great words to live by, great advice...although it was directed at someone else's post, it helped me...thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 1:20pm

Everyone heals in their own time. Their was one guy in my life that it tooks me years to really get over. Part of the problem was we did the break up, get back together thing -- but we were very young. I finally came to the conclusion that while this is someone who will always rev my engine (so to speak) We are not the same type of people. Looking back on the course his life has taken since then, all I can say is THANK GOODNESS I stopped associating with him! eek. Then there have been guys that it took me a grand total of 2 weeks to get over. Who really knows why one person can have such a hold on you when another doesn't.
But this I do know, the only time that a person can truly move on is when they accept that the relationship is over for good. As long as someone holds out for hope of a reconciliation, they will not begin to get over the other person. Closure comes from within.

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 5:09pm
How can u live like this? He is across the hall? YIKES..NC is clearly impossible..can you move?