NC --How long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
NC --How long?
4
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 2:26am

I read over and over how important NC is when breaking up or ending a relationship....
but are there any guidelines about the NC rule?

For instance....how long? Forever? What if you're friends too or were friends first?




Edited 2/7/2008 2:27 am ET by foundtruelove2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 4:20am

I think if there is any feeling emotionally from one of the people then there should not be contact, how ever long that may last. Say that you were dumped and you still had feelings for the person but they didn't have feelings for you, at least not the same ones you were having. So then if you had a friendship with them then you would be hoping to be with them while they were moving on and able to be friends with you and also have other relationships. You don't want to get hurt in that way. When my ex broke up with me he never said he didn't want to contact me and even mentioned hanging out in the future but then he didn't want to and i think it was because of his new girlfriend. He knew that if he stayed friends with me then i would be more hurt having to be around that, cuz he knew that he had moved on.


They say if you can still be friends, either you're still in love with them, or you never were.


Just think, if you were friends with him and he didn't have feelings for you, do you want to know about how happy he is as he moves on while you're still clinging to hope? probably not. nc in the long run is the best. I know right after a break up its the last thing you want but as some weeks go by you'll figure out that its the best thing.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 12:31pm

Until you no longer have romantic feelings for your ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 12:33pm

Thank you very much greekgirl...every bit of information and advice helps
at a time when one is hurting and trying to figure things out. I really
appreciate your input.

My thing is we both care and love each other very much, but can't be together now (if ever) because he is M and the distance between us( which is actually good because I would hate to have an affair, would hate myself for that) but still my heart is his.....does this make any sense? :) ....to put more perspective in place I need to have NC with him. But I just decided this a day ago and it is so so hard right now.

Thanks again,
FTL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 12:40pm
this is a good point....
I remember thinking I was over an old b/f awhile back
and then he told me I shouldn't leave any messages on his machine at home, cause
it might cause "problems" (he was starting to see someone new) I went ballistic saying after all the years we have been together and we can't be friends...blah blah blah...
I couldn't believe how upset I was...and yet I didn't want him back either....
I guess it's a territorial thing ....I wasn't ready to deal with his new life so I should
just stay away completely till (if ever) that can happen
good lesson about the NC thing I think....