NC is impossible...please help :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
NC is impossible...please help :(
3
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 10:01pm

okay i realized something as i was browsing around the discussion boards...ALL of you guys say that NC is the ONLY way to go when you get dumped. well, what happens if the first and only really serious boyfriend i've ever had dumps me...but i still have to see him at school every day. i started another discussion recently explain how my break up went...but basically my ex got new friends, changed, and dumped me. he broke my heart.this happened around thanksgiving. and i go to a relativly small school. therefore i have to see him everyday. we never talk because he hates me now (even though he broke up with ME)...but i do have to seee him everyday having so much fun with other people, being all over other girls, and living wonderfully without me. from the looks of how he acts in front of me at school he does NOT miss me at all, which really hurts because i miss him like hell sometimes. when i walk the hallways of my school i constantly dread running into him, or having to see him. him and i have a LOT of mutual friends, so i always hear about what he does and all the girls he's hooking up with. its like...the whole world knows that i need to fall out of love with him, but there is no possible way to do it because im forced to see him, hear about him, be around him, and know that im in the same building as him ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. not only that, but when i go out on the weekends he is almost always the same place i am. on new years we were at the same party and on new years i kissed on of his friends (who i didn't even like...it was just a new years thing) and ever since then he's pretended like i dont excist...and if i say anything to him or around him he makes snippy comments in my direction. he tells my friends he "JUST DOESNT WANT TO BE AROUND ME".

what would you guys do if the guy who you are still in love with dumped you, and you had to see him EVERY DAY, and he acted completely indifferent (or even mean) towards you now?

any advice would be GREATLY appriciated!

thank you all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 10:19pm

I may be totally wrong. But I agree that the whole NC thing is hard..Unlike everyone else, I do not feel that NC is the ONLY way to do it. Not talking, or anything like that always made me miss them more, and wonder more and more. But talking to them always let me get rid of that build of emotion. Just by talking to them or seeing them, allowed me to feel the closure with them. I tried the NC thing once, and by the time I felt ready to talk to him again he hated me. I had ignored his e mails and his phone calls, for nearly a year and half. And by the time I realized i was over him, and I was ready for the friendship, he didnt want it anymore. Ignoring him and NC made us grow farther apart then our break up did. I agree that in some cases NC could be the right thing. If you are angry at him, then NC might be the best way because then you wont feel the need to lash out at them, and then they will be there if and when you are ready to be friends again. But everyone says that the only way to get over them is to NC, because it makes you forget about them, and move on. And gets them out of your head. But NC always made me think of them more, because Id wonder where they were, what they were doing, who they were with. And then id never know, and all those questions and feelings just built up even more. But by talking to them it allowed me to know what was going on, and once I knew, I started to realize that I didnt care. I didnt need to know.

But each relationship is different. Ive given you my view on both sides. But ultimatly its up to you. No matter how many people say NC is the only way, or how many people disagree. Its up to you to do what is right for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 2:08am

Hi,

I've just wanted to share something with you. I'm trying to get over a relationship (even though I didn't want it to be that way, I still want to be with him, every second, every minute, every day.I am so sorry.) and last week I asked a friend, who is 20 years older than me that makes him more experienced and agreeable, how to get over that horrible, hurting and situation, and he told me just two sentences. And only with those 2 sentences he bared me the truth which I had already have to accept:

"There is no cure for it, you know that, dear girl. It just has to fade away ...!"

I hope it would be useful and helpful for you as well.

(And you are not alone, I am feeling the same way...I was together with a man 16 years older than me and nowadays I can understand that he just took me for a child, used me up, bruised me and left me behind...)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:41am

I'm so sorry you're hurting so deeply!!

I don't think anyone could say that there is only ONE way to acheive something. Everyone is different. For me, I think NC is the only way I could ever get over someone. At least for the times that you're hurting the most. The fact of the matter is this--you have to cross paths with him. You will see him, but you DON'T have to talk to him, or contact him at all. I'd encourage you NOT to talk to or contact him because, honestly the way he's acting (angry, hooking up with other girls, etc etc) is EXTREMELY immature. It sounds like he's doing everything in his power to stroke his ego. I think it's largely true that in breakup situations (especially where the guy breaks it off) that we women tend to deal with all the hurt right away, whereas it oftentimes takes guys a LONG time to really grieve about a broken relationship.

I think the best thing for you is, even though you have to see him, pretend you don't!! DON'T give this guy the time of day! Why would you? He's treating you like crap now, no matter HOW he treated you in the past. You deserve to be treated with respect! Do your best to stay away from places he'll be as best you can for now, and tell your friends NOT to tell you thing about him. I'm sure you've heard this over and over here, but focus on YOU. Make a list of things that make you happy, no matter how silly they are, and make one of those things happen for you each day. REALIZE that you are totally worth it and PITY him for making a huge mistake. Believe me, he will regret it the minute you are "back in business" with your head held high, happy with yourself and who you are. Work towards becoming that person every day! You DON'T need him to be that girl!!

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, it will get better and you will heal with time.

Hang in!!