This NC isn't working!
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| Tue, 09-14-2004 - 10:47am |
It's not that I am dying to talk to him. I am kinda enjoying the breather too. (Ok, sometimes.) I was fine for a while. I thought he just needed time. But, the more time that passes the more time he has to get over me! The more time he is letting go by without missing me. The more time I am thinking "Crap. Did he even love me in the first place?". I thought there was a 85-95% chance he'd be back. The fact that he is able to drop me out of his life & throw me away so easily is absolutely killing me. I guess the fact that he just didn't really want me is starting to really get to me. I feel like our whole 2 years was a sham. I thought he was the sweetest, most decent guy in the world. I cannot believe of all people he would do this to me! I had just recently took off my casual "left-hand" ring thinking he'd propose soon. Boy, am I an idiot!
Great...here I go again...breaking down at work. I have never felt so pathetic, hurt, and wimpy in my whole life.

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Some days are tougher than others. I was doing a lot better, but this past weekend set me back a bit. He and I have been living together so it's been hard to distance myself. (I am moving in 2 weeks) He works every other weekend, but this past weekend he was off and Saturday was very clingy with me, trying to have it be how it used to be. I had to really enforce that as hard as it is, I can't go back to that. I've told him that we will never be together again as a couple. :-( Sad, but I have to...
"Without music, life is a journey through the desert"...
It certainly hasn't been easy... I'm lucky because our work schedules are pretty different, so it's easier when I don't see him much. I'm just now concentrating on getting my stuff packed. I think I've packed away all the things he gave me, letters he wrote, etc. - those were the worst to come across. Now they're just in a big box... :-(
I'm so glad you have friends to stay with! It's really comforting to have people around us right now. You take good care of yourself... {{{HUG}}}}
"Without music, life is a journey through the desert"...
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