NC is NOT feeling better?
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NC is NOT feeling better?
| Fri, 01-13-2006 - 4:08pm |
It’s been almost two weeks now with NC on my end (and almost a week on his side) and I know that it’s supposed to feel good, but it doesn’t. I keep thinking “I should call him – maybe he’s afraid to call and I need to give him initiative.” But then I think "WHY isn't he calling me more??" UGH! Why am I doing that? I keep thinking that “he’ll get over me” if too much NC time passes...
Any inspiration from out there would be great! THANKS!

I don't know where you got the impression that NC is supposed to feel good. It doesn't...at least not in the short run. It feels HORRIBLE at first!!!! BUT, it's the only thing that works, and in the long run, it's empowering. But I won't kid you...the first couple of weeks or even months (depending on how long you were together) can be very, very hard...and sometimes it gets harder before it gets easier (when you realize it's really over, for instance). I say this not to discourage you but to let you know that what you are feeling is NORMAL.
Remember, too, that no contact not only means you not calling him, it means not allowing him to contact you and preventing it by whatever means possible. If he won't do it out of respect for you, then you need to take steps to block him from calling or emailing you.
The way I handle the "what if" thinking that you're experiencing is to send an email when I'm starting no contact, that says something like, "in order to move on, I need to not have any contact with you. I hope you will respect that and not contact me. I will get in touch when I'm ready to reconnect as friends. If, in the meantime, you decide that you are ready to commit 100% to our relationship and go to counseling with me , then I would love to hear from you, but not until then. Thanks for your understanding."
Sheri
Hi there,
NC is not easy nor feels you good. NC is very hard until you are ready to move on, then you'll be gradually used to NC. It's almost 3 months since we broke up and 1 month since I decided to keep NC. I'm telling you it is still hard for me, especially my birthday is coming soon. But also I'm getting used to my new life, the life without my ex.
I agree with Sheri. You can't let him contact you. It seems like he hasn't contacted you so let it keep. NC has to work from both side. I know how you feel that he might be afraid of calling you or you need to initiate so it'll be easy for him. no no no. You need to think about YOU not HIM. Call or email your friends. If you want to write how you feel, post your feeling here. We are here for you.
Aloha,
Although NC is painful, it is assuring that with NC you WILL get better with time. However if you keep contacting him, you put yourself in a position where you'll be vulnerable to getting further hurt. I have not contacted my ex for over a month and up until a week ago I was doing alright, but now that its really sinking in it hurts. However I know that NC is the best route b/c with time I WILL feel better. Then, when I am at a more comfortable stage I can contact him and if he's willing he can be my friend, but no sooner. I hope this helps, keep in mind that it will get better and this board is here for whenever you need to vent.
mar