NC Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
NC Question
3
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 3:56pm

Hi Everyone,

I have an NC question that may be relevant. There is a 30 day recommended NC period and at that point it's up to us what we want to do (please correct me if I'm wrong here). I'm on my 7th week of NC, if I go off there's good chance I'll get wrapped up in my ex's life once again...having to stand by and watch her date boyfriend after boyfriend ....I've been in this position before and standing on the sidelines is not going to help me. Also, there have been times when I thought I was over her...even after as much as a year...and suddenly I become totally infatuated...I'm probably a little outside of the norm...My question is, how long can NC go on... and are there people, for one reason or another, that have chosen to keep NC on indefinately? Thanks.

EDS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
In reply to: cfrenzy
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 4:17pm
Hi, I just wanted to let you know that i'm one of those people that has decided to keep up no contact indefinately. I hit the 30 day mark recently and I decided even before that that I would not call my ex. I don't know what your situation is, but my ex doesn't call me, so I figure what's the point in contacting him? I know it's not going to do anything good for me. It sounds like you already know what you need to do. You know that no good will probably come out of contact with your ex, so the next step is to act on that knowledge. It has been amazingly freeing for me to stop contact, and I hope it has been and will continue to be for you too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: cfrenzy
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 4:18pm

30 days is what I recommend to get over the initial shock, to start getting on a healing path, to get centered and start focusing back again on yourself as an *individual* instead of just part of a couple, which a lot of people forget when they're in a relationship.

That doesn't mean you should think that because it takes you longer to get there that you should stop no contact. Ok, that was way too many negatives in one sentence, sorry. What I mean is, take as long as you feel is necessary without giving this person more control over your life. If it takes you two months, fine. Six months, fine. If you're at the one year mark and you're still more focused on *not talking* to them instead of simply living your own life, then we need to talk ;)

No contact is a way to let you work back into your life again. May I ask what else you've been doing to try and get over this breakup? I think she lives in the apartment above you (?) and that has to be unbearably hard.

One thing concerns me: You said ....."Also, there have been times when I thought I was over her...even after as much as a year...and suddenly I become totally infatuated..."..... You know, if we don't really try to get over the breakup or the person, we really just will not ever get to that point. You have to *try*

Best,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
In reply to: cfrenzy
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 4:42pm

Hi and Thanks Sandra and Jujubeenie,

When I mentioned that I became infatuated with her even after a year, I made the mistake of getting overly involved in her life again after I was "over" her. I spent time with her, unfortunately got her the apartment over mine :( So I believe it was sort of a process that I became infatuated with her. And, of course, to make matters worse, she lived right above me...which made me nervious because I would try to figure out if she had a guy up there. I basically sabotaged my own peace of mind which took me quite a while to obtain. I hope I can get over her in this strange living arrangement..I have no communication with her and have no idea what she is doing and who her friends are. But "when" I feel I'm over her, I don't plan on talking to her. I'm not doing anything above and beyond reading the posts on the board.

One last thing, she wanted to get back together but if was because of the NC, it made her really anxious...it was definately for the wrong reasons...and I couldn't do anything about it. Thank you.

EDS